Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it the parents fault?!

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:48 PM
  • 11 Replies

 My brother is 38 yrs old.  He is my brother through my adoptive parents adopting me.  He is their biological son.  Ever since I can remember he has been in trouble.  He would skip school (flunked out), stolen cars, money, done property damage, been into drugs, and most recently been arrested for possession of child porn.  Now, the first time my brother stole a car, he was 12.  He started getting sent to boys homes for troubled youth at age 12.  He was in and out of several places like that, and also in and out of jail and is currently in jail.  He's even been to fed prison for manufacturing meth.  Anyway, we did have kind of a screwy childhood and I got pregnant at 16, but I turned my life around, but he hasn't.  Do you think some kid/adults are just "born" this way?  That they are just troubled? you think it's something the parents did to screw them up?!  I can definitely see how things my parents did probably had a huge contribution to his actions, and even still my mom defends him and is convinced God is going to work in his life to help him change.  I know that at age 38, he's responsible for his actions....but think they played a big part in why he was so screwed up early in life.  What do you think? 

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM
I think it's a combination of the parents and the kids. I know my parents made some mistakes but it doesn't justify how horribly my sis turned out. Especially when I see my sis being so selfish and putting her own needs above her kids. In comparison to my mom who has never ever put herself above us, doesn't even know how to buy stuff for herself because she is so used to sacrificing for us.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM

Could be either one.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Parents are responsible to a degree, but ultimately it's the child's decisions that make them responsible for their own actions.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:00 PM

I personally think that everyone has a choice in their actions and no matter what you are responsible for what you do. yes, things can go bad in someones life but that should not justify them being able to do bad things or blame their actions on their lives. I was in a terrible home life when I was young and then in an abusive marriage and you know what? I want to be BETTER than what I had to deal with.. but that's jmo

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:02 PM

yea alot of that can be parent problems, but then at what age do you flat out have to desided just cuz your child hood was screwy are you going to let that screw up your whole life! BTW I see you too are a Nebraska mom, were at? I am on the west side!

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:05 PM

I would say that about half the time, that kind of behaviour is linked to mental illness. The rest, due to a screwy childhood.

I knew a guy who sounds like your brother's twin, including the crimes at age 12 (selling crack, stealing, car theft, etc). When I asked him why he thought he went bad, he cited a number of reasons all relating to a messed-up childhood (poverty, too many kids, lack of material things, bad neighbourhoods, bad friends, teen parents in an unstable relationship, etc). So yeah, I'd agree with you.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:16 PM

Well, my brother and I were raised by the same mother, and he turned into a total jerk and criminal, while I joined the Navy and don't have a record. I think he was just born to do wrong. I dunno.

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:21 PM

  Parents can only be blamed for not teaching the basics. By the age of 12, we all should know the difference between right & wrong. Yes, there will always be a person or people tempting the young & inexperienced kids.

  Some parents give up on their duties as parents because dicipline is difficult, and  a constant effort. It's much easier to defend by blaming others for the wrongs children are into. I found sports &  getting my boys involved with part-time work helped keep them busy.... & too tired for trouble. 

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:25 PM

I say no  as most parent  of more than 1 kid would have all screwed up kids.  If only 1 of your 3 or 4 or how ever many is screwed up I can't blame the parents.   if all then yes!!  

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM

I have to say it's both. Some personalities are instilled and some are just who we are. I think it has a lot to do with Nurture vs Nature. Sometimes people are just who they are born to be and some are turned that way by their environment.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)