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13 months later and I still get hurt over his actions UPDATE:

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:02 PM
  • 28 Replies


My son's father and I were together for 4 years. In this time, he cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. I didn't believe it, because he denied it. It wasn't until I met her daughter, and held that baby in my arms, that I KNEW that this baby was his. A left him. I didn't leave him because of the cheating, or the baby. I left him because of domestic violence, he put his hands on me for the last time.. I snapped and punched his ass back.

This was May 17th 2009

On that day, he met a woman on myspace, who 3 days later contacted me via myspace, and sent me a message saying she will be a great "part time mommy". This "woman" was 17 years old, (my ex was 24 at the time), and there was no way in hell his girlfriend on 3 days was going to be any type of mommy to my son.

Months went by of childish bickering back and forth (from her and I) , until the day I finally allowed her to meet my son. On this day, she used the word Cunt in front of my son who later went home and called my mother a cunt, went off on my son's father in front of me and my son for asking me for a cigarette, couldn't keep her hands off of her BF (my son's father), including rubbing his thighs, kissing on his neck etc. My then almost 2 year old, saw things that most adults don't want to see out of other adults.. I cut contact.. I told him that until she could grow up and learn to be appropriate around my son, she could not be a part of my son's life.

A few months later, my boyfriend and I had an opps and became pregnant.. (wasn't watching my calander close enough, missed my appointment for the shot).. I lost the baby before I even knew I was pregnant. A few weeks and tons of tests later, I was told that I would never have another child. This killed me because I've always wanted a big family. My realtionship with the man I was seeing fell apart. I was single, and alone and dealing with the knowledge that I will never have anymore children.

A month later ( Early May). My son's father informed me that girlfriend is pregnant. My heart broke into a million pieces. He has 2 children he does not support in any way shape or form. And now he gets to have a third? Neither of them work, sh'es only 18, neither of them have any type of education not even highschool, they live off of his brother this week. Since finding out she was pregnant, they have lived in 4 different households to my knowledge, and they get to have a baby? Are you serious?How is that fair? I work, I have an education, which I am currently furthering, I have a stable job and a stable home, a stable life, I have soley provided for my son since birth. X hasn't had a job in 8 years (yes I'm serious) and hius girlfriend, has never had a job.. He had the nerve to ask me for my son's baby stuff , that I bought with my hard earned money, when I worked 2 jobs and went to school during pregnancy. I told him no.. of course! He has never bought my son anything.. except a 3 pack of cars for a dollar, and then told me he hoped his girlfriend didn't bitch about him spending the little money they do have .. WTF? You bought cigarettes and an energy drink in the same purchase, I know you are not complaining about the cars for a dollar.. Their only means of support is the child support check she gets from her mother for 200 dollars a month, and foodstamps (her father owed back child support, now her mother mails it to her).He recently informed me that if they have a boy, they are naming it after him.. My son is named after him! It's the only thing he's ever given my son, is his name and he's going to give it to another child? Are you serious?

So yes I'm a little jealous and hurt that they get to have a baby, and I don't. How fair is that? I will never have a baby, but they can.. How fair is that? I know I know no one ever said life was fair, but can it not hurt so much?

UPDATE: Thank you all for sharing in my woe is me, evening. I really needed it! Thank you for sharing your sympathies and stories. It really does mean alot. I know it could be worse, I could not have the son I have now. My sister in law would be a wonderful mother, she's a wonderful aunt and god mother, she's like a second mom to my son, she's an amazing person. She's a nanny for triplets and never gets stressed or overwhelmed.. And she cannot have children. It would be too dangerous for her to carry a child. I am very thankful for my son!

I have ASSUMED sole custody of my son, since I am the mother and we were never married. I went down yesterday, to get the paperwork, to actually have full physical and legal custody. I also called child support, to check the status on the "motion to show cause" I filed a few months back. They can't locate him, and I don't have a viable address for him =( So it's on hold until either the CSEA is able to track him down, or I can get a stable address for him. I called legal aid, and I have an appointment tomorrow, about getting help with a lawyer. I have the 105 for the filing fee's and some money set back for court costs.. I'm just worried about lawyer fee's. Which is why I'm headed to Legal Aid tomorrow. Thank you all for your support. Sometimes you just really need someone to tell you it will all work out



by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
caiti
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:06 PM

Oh honey, that breaks my heart into pieces for you. But just think, they're most likely jealous of you deep down...that you have a stable life, and a loving relationship with your son. I would just cut contact period. Just take the SOB to court for child support, even if you don't get it because he's obviously a POS. You should be proud of yourself, and even though I know this hurts, you can definitely say you're better than this, and you're doing better for your child. I'm sorry Mama.

aimeerzs
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:09 PM

sweetie i am so sorry about not having no more babies, but when you meet the right guy, there are alot of babies out there in need of a good home...from idiots like you x and his little stupid girlfriend. I would move on and forget him i am sure its not that easy but just cut off all contact go through the courts if you have to. He is a dumbass and you and your child do not need that shit

LovingMyJaybird
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:11 PM

Thank you very much. There is a court order in place for child support, which he has never paid.. (order started November 16th). It's the state minimum since he doesn't work, and he still can't pay that. I filed a motion to show cause, and tmw my son and I are off to juvenile courts, to file for full custody. I have assumed full custody, since I am the mother, but I want papers stating he has no rights to my son. I have been supervising visits (due to the violence) since November (he refused visits before then). I am tired of taking my days off to do so.. since he won't file for visits, I'm filing for custody and requesting state ordered supervised visitation.

Quoting caiti:

Oh honey, that breaks my heart into pieces for you. But just think, they're most likely jealous of you deep down...that you have a stable life, and a loving relationship with your son. I would just cut contact period. Just take the SOB to court for child support, even if you don't get it because he's obviously a POS. You should be proud of yourself, and even though I know this hurts, you can definitely say you're better than this, and you're doing better for your child. I'm sorry Mama.


LovingMyJaybird
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:13 PM

Thank you. Adoption is something I have seriously considered, once my career is in order of course.

Quoting aimeerzs:

sweetie i am so sorry about not having no more babies, but when you meet the right guy, there are alot of babies out there in need of a good home...from idiots like you x and his little stupid girlfriend. I would move on and forget him i am sure its not that easy but just cut off all contact go through the courts if you have to. He is a dumbass and you and your child do not need that shit


LovingMyJaybird
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:18 PM

@ fallen.. thanks for the hugs charm.. I need it.. I broke down at work today, thinking about him getting another baby, while my son was home sick with my mother, and I had to go to work, and couldn't stay with my little guy. So I started to have a melt down. My boss saw the tears start dripping and next thing I new she was ushering me outside, where it started pouring on me.. lol.. I'm just having one of those woe is me days

activitymode
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:22 PM

wow I am so sorry he has hurt you and your son so badly.  Its also sad that garbage gets to bring life into this world and that poor child will grow up no better than its parents..

bebekat34
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:28 PM

HUgs Mama! Sorry that you got that devestating news, but cherish that litle boywith all u have. ;) I have two girls, wanted more but was advised not to. I love them with everything. Like the PP said adopted is awesome, I was adopted. MY hubs and I would love to adopt but just not finacially capable. So we wait on grandbabies. I would just take the X to court and do what you need to do to protect ur son and urself. Good luck. :)

LovingMyJaybird
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:33 PM

Thank you, and thank you for the hugs charm.. I agree that poor baby will never be given the life he or she deserves. Worst of all is, I am pretty good friends with g/f's mom. She likes me more than her own daughter, she even gave me furniture for my first apartment. We talk at least once a week via email.. have gone out to lunch a few times etc. So needless to say I know more about g/f than any X should. She was given every advantage in life. Sent to the best school's, grew up in the best area in town, never had to work as a teenager, had everything she could ever want, and yet she's not offering her own child this??

I grew up in the worst drug infested area of town, went to school in one of America's bottom 5 school districts, never had a stable parent etc. and yet I am doing the best for my son? I am a year away from my degree, I live in a very nice area, with the states best school district, I work for a great company, and I'm there for my son as much as humanly possible.. I just don't understand why they get everything I want, yet I work hard for it..

Quoting activitymode:

wow I am so sorry he has hurt you and your son so badly.  Its also sad that garbage gets to bring life into this world and that poor child will grow up no better than its parents..


LovingMyJaybird
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:36 PM

Than kyou, and I'm sorry that you were advised against having more children. I am not financially capable right now (I only gross 21,000) but once I earn my degree, next year I will hopefully be moving to mid level management, and be making at minimum 45,000 a year. I haven't looked too much into adoption, since I'm not even old enough (won't be 21 until next month)...

Quoting bebekat34:

HUgs Mama! Sorry that you got that devestating news, but cherish that litle boywith all u have. ;) I have two girls, wanted more but was advised not to. I love them with everything. Like the PP said adopted is awesome, I was adopted. MY hubs and I would love to adopt but just not finacially capable. So we wait on grandbabies. I would just take the X to court and do what you need to do to protect ur son and urself. Good luck. :)


Brianav
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:38 PM
I'm sorry:( sounds like a terrible situation to be going through. Good luck.
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