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And they wonder why...Vent!

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:16 PM
  • 8 Replies

Ex SO's family wonders why I hate having our DD spend a day with a large group of them at once.  Well here is why, they place pass the baby and forget she isn't used to any one, but me.  She spends 24/7 with me and only sees them once in awhile so she gets uncomfortable with them.  DD only tolerates one of them holding her for so long before she is fussy and looking for me.  They also like to play pass the baby if I leave the room so she ends up going to 2 or 3 people she does not know at all in the few minutes I'm out of the room.  By the end of the visit she is fussy, over stimulated, and very clingy to me.  When we get home it takes every thing I have to calm her down enough that she seems slightly comfortable.  By the time "bedtime" rolls around she's still miserable and it than takes me an hour to get her to sleep.  Onces she's asleep and in her bed she wakes up every 30 minutes and I have to rock/shush her back to sleep.  I can't tell you how many times I have told them that we'll come for a family function, but I do NOT want her passed around because it makes her very uncomfortable and very fussy.  When she starts getting fussy with them they always look at me like I've done something wrong and if she's fussy while I have her and I'm trying to calm her down they look at me like I'm not doing something right.  NO people this is NOT my fault, I've told you repeatedly not to pass her around, but you don't listen and this is what happens.  If I hadn't promised them I would make sure they were apart of her life I would just stop going.  How in the world do I get these people to understand they cannot do this because it's too much for her?

Thanks for listening.




by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:16 PM
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Replies (1-8):
FL2AK
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:21 PM

I always thought it was normal at family functions for everyone to hold a baby especially if they do not get to see the baby that often.  If your ticker is right, your daughter is only 2 months old.  The fussiness and waking up is completely normal at that age anyway.  How can you blame it on your SO's family?  In my opinion the more people to love your daughter the better. 

imthatgirl728
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:22 PM

Let her be the one to get used to the big family. Family is important.

beadingmom17
by Rachel on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:25 PM

 I thought it was normal, too, even if you do see them often!  My family is huge and we play "pass the baby" whenever a new little one is born!  Neither of my kids were ever fussy afterwards...they just snuggled up to everyone and napped, lol.  Maybe you should take her to see the family more so that she's used to them?

Quoting FL2AK:

I always thought it was normal at family functions for everyone to hold a baby especially if they do not get to see the baby that often.  If your ticker is right, your daughter is only 2 months old.  The fussiness and waking up is completely normal at that age anyway.  How can you blame it on your SO's family?  In my opinion the more people to love your daughter the better. 

 

jkleinman
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:31 PM

They don't spend enough time with her to really know her.  I want them a part of her life, but at the same time I wish they would relax when they do spend time with her.  She only does the waking up thing when she's spent the day being passed around people she doesn't know and isn't comfortable with.  If she's spent the day home she goes down easy and without the constant waking up.  At this point the only 2 constants in her life are myself and my brother.  She doesn't nap on people at this point, she will sit there and stare at them for awhile, make faces, than start getting fussy because she's uncomfortable.

Quoting FL2AK:

I always thought it was normal at family functions for everyone to hold a baby especially if they do not get to see the baby that often.  If your ticker is right, your daughter is only 2 months old.  The fussiness and waking up is completely normal at that age anyway.  How can you blame it on your SO's family?  In my opinion the more people to love your daughter the better. 





jkleinman
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:32 PM

Because they are not my family, they are her father's, I only go upon invite.  I feel like I'm overstepping otherwise.

Quoting beadingmom17:

 I thought it was normal, too, even if you do see them often!  My family is huge and we play "pass the baby" whenever a new little one is born!  Neither of my kids were ever fussy afterwards...they just snuggled up to everyone and napped, lol.  Maybe you should take her to see the family more so that she's used to them?

Quoting FL2AK:

I always thought it was normal at family functions for everyone to hold a baby especially if they do not get to see the baby that often.  If your ticker is right, your daughter is only 2 months old.  The fussiness and waking up is completely normal at that age anyway.  How can you blame it on your SO's family?  In my opinion the more people to love your daughter the better. 

 





ErikaM27
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:35 PM

This is what usually happens when people in your family show love to your baby. They all want to hold the child.

LilahandElliot
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:36 PM

I didn't know two month olds had feelings about how was holding them. My DD and DS never showed a preference until they were older than that.  I think it's normal for family to play pass the baby... ESPECIALLY since they don't see her very often. MAYBE you should talk to someone and tell them you don't want to invite yourself over, but you would like them to spend more time around her so that she gets to build a relationship with them. Then try to come up with some sort of schedule... maybe every friday after work... or every saturday. Even if it's just for an hour. 

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monkeysmom21006
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:41 PM

Tell them to quit passing her around or you'll just hold her the whole time? Though I think it's good to let others hold her so she can get used to other people besides mommy. But if they're only holding her a minute then passing her, it's an issue. She's still really young. Fussiness is to be expected after a day full of stimulation. She could get overstimulated easily if she isn't used to interaction with others regularly. I take my kids out A LOT early on and they are constantly around a million people. The only time I've ever had a real issue is when the kids go to grandma's who spoils them completely and they come back thinking I'm gonna do it, too...

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