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No Easy Answer (PIOG)

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:44 PM
  • 10 Replies

So dh and I have been married for 7 years, and it took trying for 5 years before we had our dd, who will be 2 next month. Now that we have her, he doesn't want anymore children. He has known for the start that I have always wanted 2, if not 3, children over time. I have a medical condition that causes no monthly cycles, so my dr has already said that I, personally, would never have a baby that wasn't planned. It breaks my heart that he is so against us having anymore children. I don't know how to describe the hurt I feel. I'm in no way saying that my daughter isn't enough. I love her with everything I have, but I just don't feel like she is the only child I'm meant to have. I don't feel like my family is "complete". A friend suggested that I go to the dr without discussing it with my dh, and tell him later that it was a surprise pregnancy, but I just can't do that!!! I would NEVER force my dh to have a child that he doesn't want. And I wouldn't want him to do that to me, kwim? But, still, the hurt is still there for another baby. Also, we can afford to have another, but dh simply says NO, no discussion or anything. I just feel like it's his way or no way. For example, he has lived inside the city limits his whole life, while I grew up in the boonies. I told him that I don't like the idea of raising a family in the city, yet he said he is NOT living in the country because HE doesn't like it. It doesn't matter to him that I don't like the city. While we do have a good marriage, but this is one issue we have that seriously hurts deep. How do I get him to even acknowledge that I have a point of view too? And I am 50% of our marriage? IDK, I guess I just needed to vent a little....any advice?

EDIT for clarification, before dd was born, we both agreed that we would have at least 2, so that they would always have a playmate. It's just been since her birth that HE changed HIS mind, and it's like he expects me to change my mind cause he did.

 

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sharon300
by Sharon on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:48 PM

Maybe after your daughter gets older he will change his mind. Hugs.

Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:48 PM
What is his reason? He has to have one.
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klynn80
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:50 PM

When are you wanting another child?  Soon?  I would say don't give up trying to talk to him about it.  I honestly would love to stop after I have this baby (our only), but my husband wants at least one more.  I knew this before I married him that he didn't want an only child (he was an only child and wants our daughter to have a sibling to lean on) so 2 or more it is. 

As far as city/country living.  What about a suburb?  I personally would hate living in the country, my husband would love it, but, I compromised on the kid issue, so he compromises on the city/country issue.  Though I'd prefer to live in a city, a suburb is fine too.  Of course the city/country debate only comes into play once he leaves the Army and we actually can choose where to live.

Aichia
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:50 PM

try couples therepy or find some sort of a mediator to help you get him to understand taht it's a 2 way street. unless you can come up with a compromise to his staunch no's like living just out side the city limits in a suburb

ErikaM27
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:51 PM

sorry but if my husband was all about him then I don't think I could be with him . How could he not take your opinions into consideration? I would talk to him. You both are obviously on separate pages.

BonitaM
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:55 PM

You just had your baby.  Let him get used to the idea and maybe he'll change his mind or maybe you'll change yours.  I had wanted 4 and DH had only ever wanted 1.  I also had trouble conceiving and after a horrible pregnancy was relieved that DH only wanted 1.  Well he decided in a few years we could try for another.lol  We've come to the conclusion 1 is enough.  Enjoy your DD right now and see what happens down the line.

mommaboudreaux
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:56 PM

I'm so sorry sweetie :(

What is his reasoning for no wanting anymore?

What condition do you have?  The reason I ask, is I have endometriosis and PCOS and it took us a 18 months, seeing an RE, surgery, and fertility drugs to have our son.

rh2pinkie
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:59 PM

He hasn't specifically gave a reason....he just blows up everythime I bring it up and it turns into an argument. Befroe dd, we both agreed that we at least wanted 2....so idk?

Quoting Crazy-Steph:

What is his reason? He has to have one.


rh2pinkie
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 7:02 PM

I want one close enough so that they will be able to play well together. Maybe like 3 years apart or so?

As for the house, we've already bought the one he liked. I don't really mind that so much. It's just everytime I try to get him to see my POV, he makes it all about him...

Quoting klynn80:

When are you wanting another child?  Soon?  I would say don't give up trying to talk to him about it.  I honestly would love to stop after I have this baby (our only), but my husband wants at least one more.  I knew this before I married him that he didn't want an only child (he was an only child and wants our daughter to have a sibling to lean on) so 2 or more it is. 

As far as city/country living.  What about a suburb?  I personally would hate living in the country, my husband would love it, but, I compromised on the kid issue, so he compromises on the city/country issue.  Though I'd prefer to live in a city, a suburb is fine too.  Of course the city/country debate only comes into play once he leaves the Army and we actually can choose where to live.


rh2pinkie
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 7:05 PM

I have a hormone imbalance, estrogen dominance. It blocks natural communication between my utureus and ovaries, so in order to get pregnant, I have to take provera to force communication and clomid to force the release of an egg. My first 2 pregnancies ended in miscarriage, so I was really nervous the entire time with my dd, but with her, the dr couldn't believe that I ever had any problems.

Quoting mommaboudreaux:

I'm so sorry sweetie :(

What is his reasoning for no wanting anymore?

What condition do you have?  The reason I ask, is I have endometriosis and PCOS and it took us a 18 months, seeing an RE, surgery, and fertility drugs to have our son.


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