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Do not bash me for asking!

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:19 PM
  • 16 Replies

OK so I have a few things that I need help with. I am a mother of 5. 4 of them are adult/teens, Then I have my 3yr old DS. I raised the older kids the way that I thought was right at the time, but I know that it was wrong now. I never knew that yelling, spanking & a few other things was that wrong. I was 16 when I had my twins. So I was a young mom. I didn't want to spank, but my husband said there's nothing wrong with it, so I spanked. No details, but I made their past a not so good one. Which brings me to my 3yr old.

I am a good mom, I spank but only as a last resort. I tell him I love him all the time. I teach him, I am trying to do everything right with him. Here's my problem, in the event of trying not to resort to the old me I feel like I am not getting to him. He thinks that he is the boss of everyone! I believe kids should do what a parent says, when a parent says to do it. I believe that a child should behave at the dinner table. I feel that if you tell your child to sit, he should sit. If I say jump, he should jump. The thing that I am trying to get out of him is to show him that his parents are the ones in charge & what we say goes. Yes I feel that a parent to be loving, but they should be strict at the same time. I would go as far as saying the parent controls the child until the child has earned the right & wisdom to control themselves. I believe in life lessons & allow my child to learn from them.

So to keep from being overbearing & mean & controlling I need to know what I can do to get the things I want my child to learn. This is the #1 thing I want to get from my son: Do as your told when told to do it. Respect is also #1.

Ex.

Stay in room

stay in time out

pick up toys

stay in bed

and anything else that comes along.

I know it is learned, but how to I teach him this in a gentle, loving way?

Do not bash me for asking this. It may not be worded the way you want it to be. I love my DS dearly. He is a gift & an angel as he saved me by being born. I just want to have a child that knows respect & shows it to everyone around. The world today has to many kids in it that have no respect, are mean to everyone including other adults. My older kids have added to that world. I think the way kids were raised years ago, when you could still spank, when kids were made to mind, did what they were told to do without lip, I think that was a good time although it could have been done in a better way than spanking or beating the child into behaving.

                            


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by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
skywatcher1973
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:27 PM

BUMP!

FooLynRoo
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:32 PM

consistency.

That is the only thing I ever see missing in a disobedient child's life (mine included)

we can't all be on our game 100% of the time but if you really work hard at setting

a set of rules on be consistent in enforcing them. They will learn what is expected from them and what the punishment will be. (no matter what you choose as a punishment)

misunderstood1
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:34 PM

I was taught respect by example and am doing the same with my kids. I do spank at a very last resort but its a rarity around here. I also have a lot of support from everyone who watches my children which helps. At 3 you should be able to discuss respect when he's not in trouble and show him examples of it. maybe that will make him understand it. 

you do sound like a great mom, and 3 year olds are trying by nature. Just keep your head up and it'll get easier on you. 

masastan
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:41 PM

Consistency is good, but being firm with a strong voice is just as important. If you don't feel you are getting to him, change the tone in your voice, but don't yell. My parents spanked me as a child and I learned respect. Now, as an adult and mom myself, my parents don't always agree with my life choices or how I parent. They have even cut me off from them for awhile, unless it has to do with my kids. Which is wrong, but hey, they are who they are. I don't hold anything against them for spanking my butt when I needed it. My mom even slapped me across the face a time or two for being disrespectful. So what? I don't know what your older kids problems are with you, but you are letting the fear of THEIR issues with you, control you. Not good! If you find that you can't find a happy medium on your own, see professional counseling for you and your son. Good luck!

skywatcher1973
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:42 PM

 

Quoting misunderstood1:

I was taught respect by example and am doing the same with my kids. I do spank at a very last resort but its a rarity around here. I also have a lot of support from everyone who watches my children which helps. At 3 you should be able to discuss respect when he's not in trouble and show him examples of it. maybe that will make him understand it. 

you do sound like a great mom, and 3 year olds are trying by nature. Just keep your head up and it'll get easier on you. 

 Thank you, I needed that. I know my ds loves me & I know that good behavior is learned I just can't make the same mistakes as last time as I did with the older kids. I feel like I am either doing to much & then I feel like it's not enough.

                            


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juveli
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:47 PM

i put my son in time out and let him use his word and i ask him questions as to why he did this and why he didnt listen to me. It helps him understand what is right/wrong and why he gets punished for it.

mysticalmalissa
by Ruby Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:50 PM

 I too have two grown kids, already out of the house.  My youngest is 2.5 and some days thinks he rules the world. LOL

The only thing I plan on doing different is the luxery items, such as tv and video games.

Other then that, I still spank...it is not illegal. I do everything else basically the same.

I'm very proud of my two older boys and I'm sure I will be just as proud of my little one.

skywatcher1973
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:56 PM

 The difference is... you are proud of your older ones. I can't say that. My kids have no respect for me, no respect for others, don't listen, don't behave well the list goes on. I need to know how I can raise this one better. I am scared to make the same mistakes. Thats why I am asking here. I want to do whats right.

Quoting mysticalmalissa:

 I too have two grown kids, already out of the house.  My youngest is 2.5 and some days thinks he rules the world. LOL

The only thing I plan on doing different is the luxery items, such as tv and video games.

Other then that, I still spank...it is not illegal. I do everything else basically the same.

I'm very proud of my two older boys and I'm sure I will be just as proud of my little one.

 

                            


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haydsmom2007
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 8:59 PM

I take away things, put him in time outs.. time outs have just started working really well. I take away his food if he's not behaving at the table...

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 9:06 PM

As odd as it may sound,  you may want to try parenting classes as well to learn new techniques of discipline.  Consistency is a big key for 3 yos.  If they leave their time out area, you need to put them back 1000x if necessary.  A strong , firm voice also helps, that doesnt mean yelling by any means.

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