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SOMEONE TELL ME WHY...ADVICE/ANSWERS ARE NEEDED, PLEASE.

Posted by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 10:56 PM
  • 23 Replies

OK, THIS MAY NOT SEEM VERY IMPORTANT...BUT IT IS TO ME...SO, PLEASE HELP.

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN READING SOME OF MY POSTS, THEY KNOW MY BABY'S DADDY IS BASICALLY A DEADBEAT LOSER, WHO HAS DONE EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO ME...--EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN SO GOOD TO HIM---....AND OTHERS IN MY LIFE, ie, MY FAMILY,....YOU NAME HE HAS DONE IT---LIE, CHEAT, GET ALL CRAZY ON ME, ETC.--- HE WILL BEAT OUT ANYONE YOU KNOW FOR THE TITLE OF THE WORLD'S BIGGEST A--HOLE...SO, FINALLY AFTER 3 1/2-4 YEARS, AND 2 KIDS, ....I SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I'M DONE. SO, HE CALLS, TRYING TO RUN HIS USUAL GAME....I GUESS TRYING TO GET ME BACK AGAIN, WHO REALLY KNOWS....AND I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE US ALONE AND NOT TO CALL. HE AGREES NOT TO CALL, BUT CONTINUES TO CALL. I'M TRYING TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE, AND GET RID OF HIS LOSER A-- ...SO, WHY WON'T HE JUST DO AS I ASK, AND NOT CALL.....HIS BEEN AN A--HOLE, SO FAR, WHY BE AN A--HOLE ON THIS....WHY IS HE DOING THIS....AND WHY IS IT BOTHERING ME....ANY TIPS ON HOW TO MOVE ON, EVEN THOUGH HE CONTINUES TO CALL, AND I WANT TO ANSWER THE PHONE.....ANY TIPS ON HOW TO RESIST THE URGE TO ANSWER....

THANKS IN ADVICE, FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO THIS LADIES, ......I NEED IT BECAUSE IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS.....

by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 10:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NursingStudent
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 10:59 PM
I can say the urge to answer the phone has not gone away for me.  But I refuse to answer it.  For your kids sake you have to make a decision and stick to it.  Good luck
supermomof6
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:08 PM
girl..you sound just like me right  about now!! i have 6 kids by my husband(now seperated) & i've dealt with YEARS of crap ..like you said...you name it he's done it!! i'm trying to get my life together & take care of myself & my kids but of course he has to keep calling saying he loves me & the kids & that he's sorry for all he's done...blah blah blah, heard it all before. he says that he can't stop loving me & leave it alone but if he really felt that way why did he hurt me so much???!!! it's crazy...i'm sorry i don't really have any advice...how do you totally clear someone out of your life when you have kids with that person??!! that's my problem...i try to not answer the phone but then my kids answer & want to talk to him so i try & stay out of it but then he wants them to give the phone to me!! I wish i had the answers..but i'm here to talk if you want....
confused-mom
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:10 PM
I really don't know what to tell you. I had to move to another state to get rid of my ex loser deadbeat.

He finally left me alone when I got with a guy who told him if he called or came to my state he would leave in a bodybag. It worked.


Thank god he hasn't bother me in 5 years.
TerryOK
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:13 PM
You are in a tough situation!  Just be strong! It sounds like you know he is a loser and a deadbeat, so try not to let your emotions get in the way of what your mind is telling you.  Stay strong and do what is best for you and the kids!
Good luck!
millyy22
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:15 PM
seems like you've told him you were done many times and each time you let him back in.  so in his mind he thinks this is no different than any other time.  i've been where you are and i had to learn the hard way.  ride it out and hopefully he'll find someone else to bug...like mine did.
jomi
by on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:27 PM
Hi, I just went to your profile after reading your question for advice. It looks like you have a good head on your shoulders and even though you are a single mom of three, you are not allowing that to hold you back on giving those kids a good life. And setting a good example for them. As far as the father of your kids getting the big jerk award, my ex- husband  would tie for first place. When my daughter was 14 months old, I decided to leave. The abuse and the fact that he was never going to do anything with his life was not were I saw myself and my child. It has been almost 8 years now and I am married to a wonderful man, and we have given Elizabeth a little brother. My ex has not changed his life style and he never will. He would call and say all the sweet things, but in my gut I knew that falling for it would be a huge mistake. I have went on to have a great family, I became a surgeon's assistant, and I feel at peace. I look at my daughter and how happy and safe we are now and think about what a horrible life we would be subject to if I had not ignored his calls, and had not went on with my life no matter how hard or lonely it was at times. You are doing the right thing. Yes, it can be very hard. But a few years from now when you look at your children's faces and see them smiling or sleeping like angels, you will now that staying away from him was the best thing you could have possibly done. For them and for yourself. You can do this!! My prayers are with you.
tamjo
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 1:00 AM
I had an x BF who done the samething. Get a restraining order put on him or aprotection of abuse order. Either or he will  not be allowed to call your home.
Does he visit the kids ? If so meet himin public wehre you will have witness etc.
This is how I got rid of ass # 2

I'm married now to a wonderful guy who adopted my son . I can not ask for a better person in my life. He has his moments but who dosent. Its not mental or phsical abuse.. He says what he has to and we both just move on.
captains_mate
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 1:20 AM
It sounds to me like he keeps bothering you because it gives him a sense of control. It also sounds like you are ready to take your life in a new direction. If you keep taking the same road (him) you will continue to end up in the same place. You have to be willing to go down a new road to get to a new place.
I think the urge to answer his calls is partly out of the comfort we all feel with things that are familiar to us.

Be strong and stand your ground in the long run you will be glad you did. It's hard to move ahead with one foot stuck in the past. Time for a clean break.

Good luck. You have a lot of people here to listen and support you!
If you need to talk I am/we are here!!!
FinsFreak13
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 7:04 AM
my sisuation is a lil different than yours but none the less im goin thru the same thing cuz my x was (and still IS an A--hole). long story short, he hid my 3 yr old from me then came back to the house to kick me out. i have my son back he his daddy is now suein me for full custody. keep in mind ALL the things that he has said/ done to you in the past (if honesty is big for you then focus on that) i still had feelings for my x till i started puttin all the pieces together then i focused on all the things that he did/said to me that at the time when he said it meant nothing but in the end meant a whole lot more. if that makes sense. me an the x dont talk i hand the phone over 2 my 3 yr old let him talk for a few mins then <CLICK>  this will get easier
shortcake6263
by on Apr. 15, 2007 at 9:35 AM
Just remind yourself that you deserve better!!! There is someone out there waiting to treat you the way you deserve to be treated!! Is he involved in the kids lives? If not get a restraining order. Then he won't be alowed to call. But this won't work if he is staying in the kid's life. But just remind yourself someone better is waiting!!
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