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I am so torn, what to do , what to do.PIOG

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:34 AM
  • 14 Replies

So my husband really seems to be depressed but of course he wont talk about it. No instead he just drinks.

Now to be honest I don't have a problem with the guy having some beer at home on the weekend or after work, as long as he can be responsible it's fine. However he is not responsible with his drinking.

My husband and I moved to GA from CA a year and a half ago for work and for his family and neither of us like it here or have any friends we are both miserable but I deal with it.

He started drinking after work at a convenience store almost every day last year and he would drive home drunk, this cause HUGE problems for us and it really seemed like he was changing, he stopped doing that for several months.

Now we just bought a home it is supposed to be a good time for us, we are in a new area and happier he, we have a yard for the kids, basically what we have always wanted.

He started drinking again with guys after work, I am not his mother so I don't want to tell him what to do but I do tell him how I feel, well there was one incident where he did not even call or anything and ended up coming home at 10:00 at night when he had work the next day. This caused a huge fight and I wanted to leave and almost did.

There is a bar up the street here, last night he kept saying he wanted to go so he could go for a walk , drink one shot and walk back. I told him I was uncomfortablt with it but he kept pushing so I said fine but don't be gone too long.

Guess what, 2 am rolls around and he doesn't answer the phone, I called, texted etc. I start getting pissed when he does this and call every few minutes, might sound crazy but he needs to answer the phone when his wife calls!

I don't hear from him until after I gave up and went to bed , he called me at 4am saying the bar just closed and he was on his way home. I was so angry, I went off on him and told him it's very possible that I want a divorce. I really actually might but with 2 kids, no job, 1 car between the 2 of us, I don't know how I could pull it off!

He is still asleep it's 11:30 he is supposed to go look at a truck to buy at 2:30 but I refuse to wake him up, if he wants to go he needs to be responsible enough to get up on time, not stay out until 4 drinking etc.

Anyways, I wanted to vent and also see if anyone has advice. He often will admit he may have a problem but refuses to get help for it.

I just feel so dissrespected, It feels abusive to me too, I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tazmidgiefairy
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:38 AM
I would have been pissed
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lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:39 AM

AA fot starters. You can do" al a non" I think its called. Its for people related to alcoholics. He needs to see he has a problem and want help. otherwise he will not get help. Good luck momma~~I wish I had more to offer. If he wont get help you need to think about your life and your childrens. Would you all be better with him or without him.

girllovescamo
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:44 AM
Bump for advice! I'm sorry mama, I have a very similar problem, except my husband does not believe it's a problem. It's so hard. You can add me as a friend if you'd like and message me if you'd like. Good luck. And if he doesn't want "help" for it, nothing will work. My mother has a gambling addiction so I hve seen 1st hand that people who don't want to change will not change.
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Caitlin1983
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 11:44 AM

I totally feel your pain. My fiance did the same thing last night, and Thursday night. He would text me about every hour saying "I'll be home in a sec" or "I'll be home in a bit"...and then showed up at 1. It makes me SO mad! And every time he does this, I sleep on the couch (I'm 31 weeks pregnant) and when he wakes up in the morning he acts like nothing is wrong.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, I've told him time and time again how much I hate it and he continues to do it. I'm curious to thear what other mom's think.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

judybant
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:10 PM

 Look in the white pages for Alanon. They are the group for people who love someone with a drinking problem. If it's causing friction in your marriage, it's problem drinking. In Alanon, you will learn how to make yourself strong, so that you can do what you need to do, to help him get help. That may mean packing up you and the kids, and moving out. Only HE can make the decision that he needs help. You can't make it for him, and Alanon will help you learn to help yourself, so you don't enable his behavior any longer.

You engaging him in arguments about what he's doing, and how he's doing it, is his "excuse du jour" as to why he needs to get away to drink. "The wife is always naggin' me! I mean, a guy deserves to go out once in a while and have a beer with his buddies, right? And the way SHE acts, who wants to stay home anyway?! "

Call them. They can help you. Trust me.

judybant
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:12 PM

 Just out of curiosity, what does YOU sleeping on the couch at 31 weeks do to HIM? If I were you, I'd sleep in the bed, and lock the door. Let HIM sleep on the couch. HE is the one who chooses to stay out until all hours, let HIM be the one who suffers for it! As it is, he gets to come home, stumbling drunk, (or at least after having a few drinks) and he gets the whole bed to himself. It's win-win for him. He gets to do what he wants, AND he gets the whole bed, so he doesn't disturb you.You're only hurting yourself by sleeping on the couch. He doesn't care.

Quoting Caitlin1983:

I totally feel your pain. My fiance did the same thing last night, and Thursday night. He would text me about every hour saying "I'll be home in a sec" or "I'll be home in a bit"...and then showed up at 1. It makes me SO mad! And every time he does this, I sleep on the couch (I'm 31 weeks pregnant) and when he wakes up in the morning he acts like nothing is wrong.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, I've told him time and time again how much I hate it and he continues to do it. I'm curious to thear what other mom's think.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

BettyBoots
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:26 PM

I gave him an ultimatum this morning, I was just straight forward, I love our children too much to raise them with an alcoholic in the home, their mother miserable and their father drunk.

I told him I have a responsibility to my children not to raise them this way, I told him if it happens again I will divorce him.

I told him he has the choice to be single and party or be a family man and have us and be happy.

He admits he is an alcoholic and I seriously hope he wants to get help/change.

I was very serious about leaving and let him know this because I will not raise my kids this way it makes me sick to think of them growing up like this and I thank god that right now they are too young to understand.

Caitlin1983
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 1:36 PM


Quoting judybant:

 Just out of curiosity, what does YOU sleeping on the couch at 31 weeks do to HIM? If I were you, I'd sleep in the bed, and lock the door. Let HIM sleep on the couch. HE is the one who chooses to stay out until all hours, let HIM be the one who suffers for it! As it is, he gets to come home, stumbling drunk, (or at least after having a few drinks) and he gets the whole bed to himself. It's win-win for him. He gets to do what he wants, AND he gets the whole bed, so he doesn't disturb you.You're only hurting yourself by sleeping on the couch. He doesn't care.

Quoting Caitlin1983:

I totally feel your pain. My fiance did the same thing last night, and Thursday night. He would text me about every hour saying "I'll be home in a sec" or "I'll be home in a bit"...and then showed up at 1. It makes me SO mad! And every time he does this, I sleep on the couch (I'm 31 weeks pregnant) and when he wakes up in the morning he acts like nothing is wrong.

Sorry, I don't have any advice, I've told him time and time again how much I hate it and he continues to do it. I'm curious to thear what other mom's think.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

Because I don't want to be around him when he is that drunk. If I locked him out of the bedroom he would break the door down.

girllovescamo
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:14 PM
Great job mama! I hope he gets the help he needs and you find happiness which ever way it works out. I think you're amazing! You should be extremly proud to have the guts to stand up for what is right for you and your children.


Quoting BettyBoots:

I gave him an ultimatum this morning, I was just straight forward, I love our children too much to raise them with an alcoholic in the home, their mother miserable and their father drunk.


I told him I have a responsibility to my children not to raise them this way, I told him if it happens again I will divorce him.


I told him he has the choice to be single and party or be a family man and have us and be happy.


He admits he is an alcoholic and I seriously hope he wants to get help/change.


I was very serious about leaving and let him know this because I will not raise my kids this way it makes me sick to think of them growing up like this and I thank god that right now they are too young to understand.



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BettyBoots
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:19 PM

Thanks, this is marriage number 2 for me and my first husband was a porn addict! It was easy to leave him because there were no children involved.

This time there is so much more to it and i really want us to be happy.

Quoting girllovescamo:

Great job mama! I hope he gets the help he needs and you find happiness which ever way it works out. I think you're amazing! You should be extremly proud to have the guts to stand up for what is right for you and your children.


Quoting BettyBoots:

I gave him an ultimatum this morning, I was just straight forward, I love our children too much to raise them with an alcoholic in the home, their mother miserable and their father drunk.


I told him I have a responsibility to my children not to raise them this way, I told him if it happens again I will divorce him.


I told him he has the choice to be single and party or be a family man and have us and be happy.


He admits he is an alcoholic and I seriously hope he wants to get help/change.


I was very serious about leaving and let him know this because I will not raise my kids this way it makes me sick to think of them growing up like this and I thank god that right now they are too young to understand.




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