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aw man.... I HAVE TO BREAK HIS HEART and i know he's going to blame me

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:45 PM
  • 16 Replies

so quick back story.. devin{13}, my oldest son has high functioning autism.

two years ago he decided he wanted to spend the week days with his dad and week ends with me {during summer months, he lives here during the school year.}

 this broke my heart naturally. it made me question what was so awful about this home, that he had to run to his dad's. we are very active here during the summer months so it really bothered me because i thought i was providing him with a fun place to be.

but.. he was getting older too.. and i had to accept that he loves his dad and just needed to be there.  his father has no other children {here we have a 7 year old and a 4 year old}  so he had that quiet, alone time he seemed to need.

so.. i got over it eventually because i had come to realise that he was a preteen boy who needed his dad and that quieter environment.

so...  this year he's working on the local ice cream truck {his aunt's}  and also working at the concessions down at our local lake {with same aunt}

now we are a very small community, everyone knows everyone.  for the first time.. devin is being accepted by his peers.  my aunt is very influential within the community so naturally, her children are popular. they genuinely enjoy hanging out with my son too {her children}  so he has friends.. and he's starting to feel like he fits in.

devin walked in from work at 7:30 and told me that he doesn't want to be at his dad's during the week. just weekends, year round.

this is going to hurt his father.... i know, because it had hurt me when he made that change before.

i told devin he has to wait and finish out the summer as scheduled.  that it would be unfair to everyone involved {because his younger cousin fills in on the truck during the week}  to just switch things up mid season.  i also told him that he has to discuss this with his dad gently, that he has to make it clear that it's a matter of wanting to work and not personal.  i wasn't given that respect ....  my ex had tried to make me look like the bad guy the last time... implying that my house was too hectic and this and that which was fine.. my house is hectic, we have three kids here.

i don't want to hurt anthony {the ex}  but i do know that he is going to blame me. he's going to think i coerced devin or what have you.  but.. the kid is 13, he goes to school here.. has friends here, feels accepted here and is now working which has been AMAZING social therapy for him {don't forget.. he's autistic}

crap... this is going to suck.

 

 







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by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
purplemoosemom
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:48 PM

He'll get over it

FromAtoZ
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:48 PM

You know the truth.  Hold on to that and just weather the storm.

As hard as it can be, do not let your ex get to you.  That is his goal.  At least do not let him know about it.

Good luck. ;)

laranadtony
by Emerald Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:48 PM

Let son tell  him with his own explaination.

mitch576
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:49 PM


Quoting purplemoosemom:

He'll get over it

love it! short and sweet!  lmao!

you are right.. but the question remains... how awful can he make my life until he does get over it?

 







ADMIN FOR AUTISM, ASPERGER'S, PDD AWARENESS.


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purplemoosemom
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:50 PM

If he's like my ex, he can really fling shit :P

Quoting mitch576:


Quoting purplemoosemom:

He'll get over it

love it! short and sweet!  lmao!

you are right.. but the question remains... how awful can he make my life until he does get over it?


Chibi_Kitten
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:53 PM

 He'll get over it and I'm sure he'll make it hard on you but forget him, it was your son's choice and he's just going to have to live with it.

Tay-Brittnie
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:53 PM

I wouldn't worry about your ex.  Your son seems like a very mature kid, especially for an autistic kid (even if he is high-functioning).  At least he is making decisions on his own without letting either your or his father's opinions affect how he thinks.  To me that's a sign of maturity.  Now, how he handles telling his father will be the real test.  LOL!

mitch576
by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:54 PM


Quoting Chibi_Kitten:

 He'll get over it and I'm sure he'll make it hard on you but forget him, it was your son's choice and he's just going to have to live with it.


that's true.. and was the general attitude when devin had made his decision the first time when it was me losing my week days. my ex was sympathetic but still like "oh well"

 

 







ADMIN FOR AUTISM, ASPERGER'S, PDD AWARENESS.


OWNER OF "THE ORIGINAL 30 AND BEYOND GROUP"   ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTIONS
come check out "the cafe" at cafe mom!!!! 



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nf1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:54 PM

good luck!!!

FromAtoZ
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:55 PM

What do you feel your ex can do that will make life harder for you?

Have your son sit down with Dad and explain why he would like to change things up and why now. 

Here's hoping this man does not make it all that difficult for you and for your son. 

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