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Should we go back to court?!

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 9:54 PM
  • 8 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What should my dh and I do??

Options:

Take the ex back to court to modify decree, no matter what the cost and even if sd doesn't want to come

Nothing, just do whatever sd wants

Other??


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 6

View Results

 

I'll try to keep this short, but after 12 yrs the situation has fluctuated so many times.  Here's the current situation though.  In February, we found out we were getting transferred out of state with my dh's job.  In March, my dh sat down with his ex, and they're 14 yr old dd to discuss visitation.  We figured she was old enough now to have some input and we thought we could communicate and work things out like adults.  So...May 1st we moved out of state 6 hours away.  My dh and his ex had agreed on visitation the last weekend of each month and 3 wks in summer.  (the last court order states eow visitation and 1 full month in the summer)  But sd is getting older and her friends are her whole world...so she doesn't want to come for a month in the summer.  Heck, she doesn't really act like she wants to come at all!  So, dh's ex has been blowing him off all summer and sd has come 2 weekends since April.  There's been excuse after excuse and it's clear sd isn't going to be coming, and that the ex isn't going to cooperate.  Here are the concerns we have to determine what we should do:

1.  If sd (age 14) doesn't want to come for visits anymore due to her
"social life", should we force it?

2. If we make her, she makes it miserable on us...so is it worth it to "force her"

3. If we go back to court, I'd be surprised if the ex will follow the modification because she never has...and we'll have spent a couple thousand dollars for no reason. And we really can't afford to blow money right now!

I wish there was an easy, inexpensive way to file contempt of a court order, because his ex IS in contempt...but geez we really can't afford for attorney fees all because she's being difficult!! 

What do you ladies think?  Should we push forward regardless of the cost and regardless if his dd wants to come?  OR...do we say "heck with it" and let his dd visit whenever she feels like it?  (which will likely not be often)

by on Jul. 25, 2010 at 9:54 PM
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Replies (1-8):
silverdawn99
by Jamie on Jul. 25, 2010 at 9:55 PM

i dont know but heres a bump!

SadiasMomma
by Janet B. Benson on Jul. 25, 2010 at 9:56 PM
If she doesn't want to be there, I wouldn't force it. It would suck for everyone involved. I went threw a phase at that age where I didn't want to spend my weekends with my dad. He gave me my space and now we're the best of friends.
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nebraskamomto2
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:00 PM

 

Quoting SadiasMomma:

If she doesn't want to be there, I wouldn't force it. It would suck for everyone involved. I went threw a phase at that age where I didn't want to spend my weekends with my dad. He gave me my space and now we're the best of friends.

 That's good to know.  My dh is so upset over it.  He feels like he is of no importanance to his dd.  Also, what's hard is that our 2 children are 9 and 7 and miss their sister.  They don't understand why she doesn't want to at least come and see them.  It's tough.  We've made it clear to sd that we want her to come, and she's always welcome. 

Luv_my_hubby
by Nikki on Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:01 PM

 I know that at 14 my DD doesn't always want to go visit her Dad so my ex lets her visit when she wants. He understands that she is starting to branch out and want to do things with her friends. We have a visitation schedule for every other weekend and half of the summer. She goes maybe one weekend a month and maybe every other weekend during the summer. She has done a couple extended weekends but that's it. I think your DH should talk to his DD and ask her what she wants without involving the ex. If she truly only wants to come occasionally IMO he should respect her wishes.

SadiasMomma
by Janet B. Benson on Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:01 PM
Keep your door open and she will eventually come back. Good luck!


Quoting nebraskamomto2:

 


Quoting SadiasMomma:

If she doesn't want to be there, I wouldn't force it. It would suck for everyone involved. I went threw a phase at that age where I didn't want to spend my weekends with my dad. He gave me my space and now we're the best of friends.

 That's good to know.  My dh is so upset over it.  He feels like he is of no importanance to his dd.  Also, what's hard is that our 2 children are 9 and 7 and miss their sister.  They don't understand why she doesn't want to at least come and see them.  It's tough.  We've made it clear to sd that we want her to come, and she's always welcome. 


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nebraskamomto2
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:03 PM

 

Quoting Luv_my_hubby:

 I know that at 14 my DD doesn't always want to go visit her Dad so my ex lets her visit when she wants. He understands that she is starting to branch out and want to do things with her friends. We have a visitation schedule for every other weekend and half of the summer. She goes maybe one weekend a month and maybe every other weekend during the summer. She has done a couple extended weekends but that's it. I think your DH should talk to his DD and ask her what she wants without involving the ex. If she truly only wants to come occasionally IMO he should respect her wishes.

 My dh has always been very accepting of my sd's schedule and being flexible.  He'd even be more ok with less visitation if she'd come a little more during the summer, but sd doesn't want to do that at all either.  He's hurt and I can't imagine having a child that wouldn't want to come, but I just don't know what the "right" thing to do is. 

Ajanee12
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:07 PM

i wouldnt force her, My Brother (14) had to hire a lawyer aganst my mom because she refused to let him go live with my dad full time. ( they were going one week moms one week dads, that was our custody agreement even when i lived at home)  So now my mom is  taking out loans like crazy to hire a lawyer. My brother has unlimited funds (from inheritance) so it wont go anywhere because he is 14 and can legally choose. But coming from a moms point of view i get it, i wouldnt want my baby to not want to come be with me :(

i also went and lived with my dad when i was 16. me and my mother get along much better now ( im 21 out of the house a lonnnnng time ago lol)

we have step dad issues though, it wasnt about friends or free time.


nebraskamomto2
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:05 PM

BUMP!

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