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Sex before or after marriage?

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:10 AM
  • 13 Replies

Ok so I have two children from two different fathers. While I was pregnant with my second son I decided to become celibate till marriage. I've remained true for 2 yrs and 2 months now. When I talk to other people they say that I'm crazy. You have to test the product before you buy it. What if the sex isn't good? Etc. I am worried about all that but, I would rather have to work at sex after marriage and have a man whom I love and shares the same feelings and who I can spend the rest of my life with, then mind blowing sex with a total jerk who is gone tomorrow. In the past I've also felt.. idk... not right having sex before marriage. Like it was wrong and dirty and sinful.  I just don't know how to get people off my back about this. Then again I am dealing with people who have had a number of sexual partners and actually look down at me for my whopping two. If people say these things to me, how in the world can I try and have a relationship with a guy and justify no premarrital sex?

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MKSmom09
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:13 AM

Don't waiver on your decision and don't let anyone get you down! I am 28 years old and have had 4 children. I have made the same decision, I have had a bad relationship in the past and it just isn't worth repeating because of good sex, KWIM? Anyway, keep your head up and I'd be happy to be your support should you need it

ProudSingleMum
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:14 AM

You don't have to justify anything to anyone. That's how you do it.


snugglesaurus
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:15 AM

If you're staying celibate because you think pre-marital sex is dirty and wrong, you have bigger issues to deal with (not trying to be rude, being taught that sex is shameful in childhood can have a serious affect on an adult's sex life and it's hard to overcome)

There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, but there's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex either. I don't see why you can't have great sex with a great guy, it's not a one or the other type of thing...

Bottom line though, it's your life and your decision. Tell everyone else to get off your back, it's not up to them and they don't have to 'get it' b/c it's really none of their business anyway.


antoinettegts
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:16 AM


Quoting MKSmom09:

Don't waiver on your decision and don't let anyone get you down! I am 28 years old and have had 4 children. I have made the same decision, I have had a bad relationship in the past and it just isn't worth repeating because of good sex, KWIM? Anyway, keep your head up and I'd be happy to be your support should you need it

Thank you. It would be nice to have someone on my side. :) I mean my father is but, he's 63 and gets this look on his face whenever I say anything about sex. If I go just a little to far, he snaps my head off even though I'm 20. Again, thanks for the support.

MKSmom09
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:20 AM

Not a problem! I was raised in church and was always taught that sex outside of marriage was sinful and that God didn't like it. I rebelled a bit but now I have gone back to my roots. As a previous poster said and like you already know sex can be good but IMO sex with someone who loves you and respects you and has made a lifelong commitment to you has got to be better than just casual sex anyway. And besides then it isn't sex it really is lovemaking at that point. Oh and by the way I am nearly 29, and my parents would react the same way as your dad, lol

Quoting antoinettegts:

 

Quoting MKSmom09:

Don't waiver on your decision and don't let anyone get you down! I am 28 years old and have had 4 children. I have made the same decision, I have had a bad relationship in the past and it just isn't worth repeating because of good sex, KWIM? Anyway, keep your head up and I'd be happy to be your support should you need it

Thank you. It would be nice to have someone on my side. :) I mean my father is but, he's 63 and gets this look on his face whenever I say anything about sex. If I go just a little to far, he snaps my head off even though I'm 20. Again, thanks for the support.

 

antoinettegts
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:20 AM


Quoting snugglesaurus:

If you're staying celibate because you think pre-marital sex is dirty and wrong, you have bigger issues to deal with (not trying to be rude, being taught that sex is shameful in childhood can have a serious affect on an adult's sex life and it's hard to overcome)

There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, but there's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex either. I don't see why you can't have great sex with a great guy, it's not a one or the other type of thing...

Bottom line though, it's your life and your decision. Tell everyone else to get off your back, it's not up to them and they don't have to 'get it' b/c it's really none of their business anyway.

I'm staying celibate due to many reasons. The pros outweigh the cons. I wasn't taught that sex was dirty and shameful. Just that it should be kept in the sanctity of marriage the way GOD intended it to be.

I know you can have great sex with a great guy. I was just giving an ex. close to what people have said to me.

You're right about it not being any of their business. It just gets hard when I need someone to talk to because I get frustrated and then I get their bs.

snugglesaurus
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:22 AM

Sorry, I wasn't trying to assume, but I didn't see a lot of other reasons besides pre-marital sex being wrong and sinful.

I'm sorry that you aren't getting any support. Even if someone doesn't feel the same way about it that you do, they could still support you and your decisions. You shouldn't have to feel weird or like you have to be defensive or anything.

ETA-- Do you go to church? I bet you could find a lot of support there. (:`

Quoting antoinettegts:


Quoting snugglesaurus:

If you're staying celibate because you think pre-marital sex is dirty and wrong, you have bigger issues to deal with (not trying to be rude, being taught that sex is shameful in childhood can have a serious affect on an adult's sex life and it's hard to overcome)

There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, but there's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex either. I don't see why you can't have great sex with a great guy, it's not a one or the other type of thing...

Bottom line though, it's your life and your decision. Tell everyone else to get off your back, it's not up to them and they don't have to 'get it' b/c it's really none of their business anyway.

I'm staying celibate due to many reasons. The pros outweigh the cons. I wasn't taught that sex was dirty and shameful. Just that it should be kept in the sanctity of marriage the way GOD intended it to be.

I know you can have great sex with a great guy. I was just giving an ex. close to what people have said to me.

You're right about it not being any of their business. It just gets hard when I need someone to talk to because I get frustrated and then I get their bs.



BabyMills09
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:22 AM

Don't listen to people. If you want to make that decision then it's your life not anyone elses. You don't have to let other people make your decisions for you. You control your life and don't cower down and let people pressure you to do what you don't want to.. don't let them pressure to to have sex before marriage if you don't want to. I think you are doing a good thing by wanting to wait until you find someone that truly loves you. And trust me there are guys out there that will look at you as a "born again" virgin. Which only means that you have went so long without having sex b/c you have made that vow. Don't let other people try to run your life or influence your decisions. If the don't like your decision tell them to go screw theirself!

brittany.haper
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:25 AM

You're not crazy.  You are making a personal decision that affects your future, not theirs!  Having two children from two different men makes you feel differently about sex than the other women who may be able to have sex with ten or eleven guys without getting pregnant once... Those people only look down on you because you accidently got pregnant, it doesn't mean they are better than you- just not as fertile! haha.  And the guilt you feel isn't necessarily problem like the one lady suggests, it is probably how you were raised- not that sex in itself is shameful but that it is sinful to have sex before marriage, perhaps?  Don't let others peer pressure you into making decisions that you feel aren't correct for yourself!

antoinettegts
by Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:29 AM


Quoting MKSmom09:

Not a problem! I was raised in church and was always taught that sex outside of marriage was sinful and that God didn't like it. I rebelled a bit but now I have gone back to my roots. As a previous poster said and like you already know sex can be good but IMO sex with someone who loves you and respects you and has made a lifelong commitment to you has got to be better than just casual sex anyway. And besides then it isn't sex it really is lovemaking at that point. Oh and by the way I am nearly 29, and my parents would react the same way as your dad, lol

Quoting antoinettegts:


Quoting MKSmom09:

Don't waiver on your decision and don't let anyone get you down! I am 28 years old and have had 4 children. I have made the same decision, I have had a bad relationship in the past and it just isn't worth repeating because of good sex, KWIM? Anyway, keep your head up and I'd be happy to be your support should you need it

Thank you. It would be nice to have someone on my side. :) I mean my father is but, he's 63 and gets this look on his face whenever I say anything about sex. If I go just a little to far, he snaps my head off even though I'm 20. Again, thanks for the support.


Very true! I think about the casual sex I've had and how good it was but, then I didn't have any real feelings toward the guy. I do remember how I felt with my bf before my oldest son's father. We never had sex but, I loved him more then anything. Vice versa. The way I felt when I'd hear his voice, kiss him, hold his hand, when I was wrapped in his arms... the goosebumps and butterflys... To have the chance to feel that way about someone again... I don't know how the sex could be bad.


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