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being used for sex

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:16 AM
  • 8 Replies

is how i currently feel. i know my BF is the touchy type- to show his love... and i do love that, but at times- like today- when he touches me, i feel like its only b/c he expects to have sex at that time/later that day. he was touching me earlier today- and was "joking" about going to the room- but i know that he was serious too. i mean, granted we havent done it in a week- but still. he had to go out tonight, so i know that he'll expect/really want it tomorrow night, if we hang out, at least (depends on my schedule). but damnit i just do not feel like having sex. and nothing else really gets him off- and truthfully, doing anything else will just make me feel even more so about being used for sex.


yes- i know 99% of this is from my past relationships- i WAS used for sex, i WAS sold for sex, etc. blah, blah, blah... but still. my self esteem is low and i'm working on that, but until it gets high again- and since the past is the past- how do i deal with the situation at hand?! (and yea- BF knows the basics about my past)

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:16 AM
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Replies (1-8):
snugglesaurus
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:19 AM

Just talk to him about how you feel. Maybe he doesn't realize how he is coming off to you. Just have a heart to heart. Suggest cuddling (or whatever non-sexual activity you like) without the expectation of sex. Just to be with each other and let things happen--or not happen--without pressure.

But definitely talk to him!


Shy_Dia
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:36 AM

thanks- i sent him a small message last night, and i'm sure we'll talk about it the next time we see each other.

mommatbot
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:40 AM

I *think* my SO finally understands my side. It was kind of the same thing with him, he'd rarely compliment me or kiss me without expecting something in return. That's an immediate turn off for me. He's gotten a lot better.

Good luck and I hope you guys get things worked out.

Princess7777
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:43 AM

Just try to talk to him about it and say you'd like to just cuddle sometimes and don't always have to have that.   Hope it works out.

PrinceMomma84
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:49 AM

I have felt that way before about my husband. Tried to explain it from my point of view and he explained it from his. I know men think totally different than woman. men are way more physical than women are when it comes to affection, its just in their biological make up. And we came to an agreement that we would meet each other half way on the emotional standpoint and on the physical level. Now he is the one that just wants to cuddle half the time. But just make sure your point gets across, be completely brutally honest if you have to. He might undersatnd then.

nmeyer617
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:24 AM

It sounds to me like counseling might help you ... you say in your post that you were "sold" for sex? That sounds pretty messed up and something a professional might help with. You wouldn't want any issues from that to interfere with the rest of your lfie. Plus, counselors/therapists are wonderful at helping rebuild self-esteem. When my husband and I separated by therapist helped remind me that I am an awesome person, worthy of love, and did not deserve to be treated the way I was. (By the way, I am a BIG proponent of counseling. I think everyone should see one! They are so wonderful).

I would talk to him about your feelings of course, but I would also try to let some of it go. It sounds like that is how he shows his affection. I guess I am just speaking from the other side. My hubby is stingy with affectionate touches/kisses/etc. Even if he wants sex. Anytime he touches me, I am thrilled!! He just grew up in a non-touchy feely family and it shows!!

But above all, talk to him and don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with. Good luck!

JSVDP
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:27 AM

Maybe you should talk to him. I dont get that why people post here about their problems with their bfs, but usually their bfs or SOs no nothing about whats going on.
If you want him to stop doing it you need to talk to him. I understand you wanting advice, but the first thing you need to do is talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Shy_Dia
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:33 AM

i plan on talking to him- but i know that its more of an internal issue for me- self esteem, past issues, etc- that my BF wont be able to truly help with. He can help with the present- and future, but my past will always affect my present, so no matter what he does/will do- i know it'll be tainted by my past-- just how i work.

the majority of the time, i'm fine with him being how he is- thats how he shows his love and affection- and i love that-- but other times- like now, it just gets to me. i'm trying to stop the times when it gets to me b/c i KNOW its not like that.

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