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Maybe tmi but I am really hurt by this.

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:31 PM
  • 11 Replies

Ok so first of all my husband and I have sex about once a week and I am not saying it has to be constant or that it has to be everyday or anything, but I am saying i would like it to be more than once a week.I have a high sex drive and his is really low and It is so hard.I am not sure why it bothers me but it does and I can not help the way I feel. He is so sweet and he tells me all the time that i am very beautiful and i know he is attracted to me its just the low sex drive thing. I hate that when it does happen it is usually me that innitiates it and that is bothersome too. It kind of hurts my feelings. Last night I got upset because I was performing oral on him and he didnt even act interested. When I stopped he was all like hey why did you stop that was really good, but i stopped cause he was just laying there and not acting interested at all.It seemed like he could care less so why waste my time. Like rubbing my back,saying something or showing any sign of enjoyment would be fine.Yes I have talked to him about this already.Does anyone else have these similar issues, and if so how do you get passed them? Or what would you try differently? Btw...I am a rep for a large sex toy comapny so I have already tried bringing toys and fun exciting stuff into the bedroom to change up things and keep the excitement so thats not really gonna help.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
motherofzandz
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:33 PM

Does he work alot maybe he is just really tired. Or if he is stressed about something maybe?

hmorg1
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:36 PM


Quoting motherofzandz:

Does he work alot maybe he is just really tired. Or if he is stressed about something maybe?


yes he works but he gets plenty of sleep and this had been an ongoing issue even when he was unemployed and did nothing but sit home.

xXxLillithxXx
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:36 PM

 Yes I am right there with you. Maybe you can get him to look into some kind of herbal supplements they make them for men with a low sex drive. Mine won't take them.  I get laid alot less than once a week and its usualy ALWAYS me who initiates. It does hurt so I know how you feel.

hmorg1
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:39 PM


Quoting xXxLillithxXx:

 Yes I am right there with you. Maybe you can get him to look into some kind of herbal supplements they make them for men with a low sex drive. Mine won't take them.  I get laid alot less than once a week and its usualy ALWAYS me who initiates. It does hurt so I know how you feel.

Thank you for understanding and for sharing.I am glad I am not alone.It just hurts my feelings. it makes me feel like he doesnt want me or like i am not good enough. i am not sure why it makes me feel like this but it does.

Snoop420
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:47 PM
It could be a lot of things hun. My dh has a high sex drive & I don't. He worries that I don't want him or love him but generally it's because I'm tired or depressed. Just talk to your dh. Good luck!
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hmorg1
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:10 PM

I have talked to him-on numerous occasions. it doesnt seem to get me anywhere.

Quoting Snoop420:

It could be a lot of things hun. My dh has a high sex drive & I don't. He worries that I don't want him or love him but generally it's because I'm tired or depressed. Just talk to your dh. Good luck!


kjsmama0206
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:59 PM

we are the opposite :( i have a low sex drive his is really high, i dont know how to help ya 

jollymommy
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 4:05 PM

That's the opposite of my and my husband.  He's always turned on and ready to go, where as I need time to get in the mood.  Have you tried asking him what turns him on?  Or asking for feedback?  Tell him how you feel when he doesn't show any interest, and tell him what you like.  Be honest, but be careful not to accuse him of anything.  Use, "I statements" like, "When I'm giving you oral, and you lay there without doing anything, it makes me feel like I'm not giving you pleasure." Or something like that. 

hmorg1
by on Aug. 8, 2010 at 9:32 PM

I love the way you approached this conversation.That is a good way to bring it up. As far as asking what turns him on i am very aware of the thigs that turn him on. I know he works hard and i know he is tired sometimes but so am i. I have tried not to be so sensative about this but it is hard.

Quoting jollymommy:

That's the opposite of my and my husband.  He's always turned on and ready to go, where as I need time to get in the mood.  Have you tried asking him what turns him on?  Or asking for feedback?  Tell him how you feel when he doesn't show any interest, and tell him what you like.  Be honest, but be careful not to accuse him of anything.  Use, "I statements" like, "When I'm giving you oral, and you lay there without doing anything, it makes me feel like I'm not giving you pleasure." Or something like that. 


nmeyer617
by on Aug. 8, 2010 at 10:32 PM

Does he have low self-esteem? I have this problem with my hubby. He finally admitted one day when I said that it made me feel sexy when he initiated sex that he feels the same way. It makes him feel good when I am always the one initiating. I tried to explain that that gets old!

However, he is now taking some sort of supplement that he got from Nutri-Shop to help him build muscle and it has testosterone. He's been wanting it a lot more. The more testosterone, the higher the sex drive. All men have different levels - just like women have different levels of it. I am convinced that is what his issue is.

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