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If you can't do it for yourself, can you do it for your daughter?

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:30 PM
  • 35 Replies

If there is one thing that surprises and makes me incredibly sad on CM it is how many women on here have low self esteem and low opinions of themselves in terms of their physical appearance. Every time I read a post I just want to round everyone up in a room for a pep talk.

Don't you know that YOU ARE ENOUGH?

I grew up hearing the story o the Ugly Duckling (thanks Dad) hoping that one day when I got older I would be as pretty as my sisters, or even just pretty. I was always thin, and eventually had a great body....and wished my face was better. I invested in expensive make up, and learning how to do my hair, got really nice haircuts. When I was about 25 I started to put on a little weight...not much 10lbs eventually 15 lbs more than I would have liked. I told myself how fat I was every day, how I had to loose weight, because a great body was all I had going for me. When I was 31 I got pregnant with my daughter and put on 90lbs. I weight nearly 300lbs and I'm 5'9". I had this fantasy that when the baby was born, I would slim right back down again, in a month or two. When I got out of the hospital and saw my skin hanging off my body, my over inflated breasts drooping to each side and my three chins...I was sad and angry. How could I have been so cruel to myself before? I weight 148lbs and wouldn't put on a swim suit? Shame on me! Then I heard my moms voice in my head as I looked in the mirror at my pail stretched out face "I look like a beast." I remember her saying this to herself in the mirror once when she was putting on make up. That's when I realized this attitude was learned. There is nothing now and never was anything wrong with me! OMG I made myself feel this way all my life! I WASN'T AN UGLY DUCKLING! At this point I was determined to not let this happen to my daughter. I have beautiful eyes...I will focus on that.....before I knew it...I had realized that my natural hair color is gorgeous! I had been dying it for so long, I never really noticed. So I added that to my focus. I always had issues with the big space in between my front teeth and my smile...now...I'm used to it...and it suits me. My cheek bones are awesome. Wow......I'm pretty. This took a year to convince myself, but you know what I believe it! No one could make me feel otherwise. I never lost all that weight from my first child, but that's alright. Now I'm 9 months pregnant and at a much more comfortable 214lbs. This time I was nicer to my body. I'm wearing a bathing suit these days and taking my daughter swimming. I feel great.

I wish everyone felt this way. I just wanted to say...it's what you are telling yourself that is making you feel bad. You don't have to change anything but the way you are thinking. Once you feel better maybe you will be motivated to loose some weight, maybe not. When your husband tells you he thinks you are beautiful and you think he's lying! You are insulting his taste and his character. Your husband isn't lying to you YOU ARE LYING TO YOU! You have to change your idea of beauty. The only person that has control over what you feel is you! You can change anything you want about your mind. You have the power to change anything you don't like, but first you have to embrace who you are. You have to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful, it feels silly at first and it feels like a lie...but eventually it will feel just as true as the crap you are telling yourself now.

Weather you believe it or not, after you read this, please answer the post with a declaration of your beauty......everyone deserves to feel beautiful.

As far as society goes, stop picking up the magazines that tell you how J Lo lost her baby weight in a month. These people look good for a living...it is their job. They have personal trainers, plastic surgeons, and person chefs...oh yeah and nannies to watch their kids. Forget that crap that society tells us...you are a real woman......and a mother....you are enough.

here is the link for the video if you are on your phone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

I just want to add, because people are misunderstanding my post. I'm not saying being healthy isn't and shouldn't be a priority. I'm not saying hey be fat and jolly! But when you genuinely feel good about yourself, you will care what you put in your body. You will want to be more physical.....change comes from the inside out. Once I started to feel better about myself, I ate much better...mostly because when I feel like shit I eat like shit.

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MaMa2Azriel
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:32 PM

I'm not going to change my goal of what I want to look like and just be happy with being overweight.  I don't think anyone else should either.  

-Ashley, Conservative RepublicanSouthern Baptist in doubt of my faithPro-Life, raised in the SOUTH, can be stuck in my ways close-mindedWife of 5 years to PedroMother to Azriel <survivor of GastroschisisShort Bowel Syndrome, & a Small Bowel+Liver+Pancreas Transplant & US Army Soldier 

MattisMommy08
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:33 PM

*like*

AutymsMommy
by Ruby Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:33 PM

While I agree with you to a point, I think it is also important to teach our children to take care of themselves and to take pride in their appearance. I will always emphasize to my daughter what is beautiful and unique about HER, but I will also teach her how to tastefully apply makeup, how to dress appropriately in a way that is both modest AND flattering, how take care of her body etc.

I am a Private School sending, Vaccinating, Non spanking, Nightmare Cuddling, Dessert Giving, Homework Helping, Bedtime Kissing, Book Reading, Academic pushing Mother. I believe in the benefit of organized after school activities. I believe in spoiling my children. I believe that I have seen the village and I do not want it raising my child - I will do that, Thank You. I believe that a woman's place is in the home taking care of her house, children and husband. My husband is head of my home. I am a proud Roman Catholic, as is my husband.             Aimee




 

MrsApple
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:34 PM

I try to NEVER make a negative comment about my body in front of my daughter and never make a negative comment about hers (not that there is anything negative to say about hers)...I remember my mom not having good self esteem when I was little,and I do think it made a mark on mine...I don't want to do the same to my daughter.

MrsApple
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:35 PM

I agree with this!

Quoting AutymsMommy:

While I agree with you to a point, I think it is also important to teach our children to take care of themselves and to take pride in their appearance. I will always emphasize to my daughter what is beautiful and unique about HER, but I will also teach her how to tastefully apply makeup, how to dress appropriately in a way that is both modest AND flattering, how take care of her body etc.


NickiNavarro
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:36 PM

Don't get me wrong ladies no one is saying unhealthy and overweight is good. I don't eat junk food and I eat wel. I have no intention on being overweight, and I will loose every inch after my baby is born...but it will be easier to do..because I won't be knocking my self down in the mirror every morning. I know I look great! What you focus on expands.......including your ass.

NickiNavarro
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:39 PM

 

Quoting MaMa2Azriel:

I'm going to change my goal of what I want to look like and just be happy with being overweight.  I don't think anyone else should either.  


I didn't say people should be happy to be overweight. I think you misunderstood the message...ps if that is you in your avatar...you are not overweight.

activitymode
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:40 PM

You couldn't be more right! 

Zoeysmommy1023
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:41 PM

 you rock

MaMa2Azriel
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 3:44 PM

No I didn't think that was the message...I just get irked when I hear people saying, "Change your perception and be happy w/you."  That can lead people to create an unhealthy illusion of what they look like.  I know people who are 40lbs overweight who say, "I'm not big, I'm healthy and beautiful!"  But the fact is, clinically, they are overweight, and probably not healthy.  I am 5'3" and weigh 145 right now; I am overweight.  

Quoting NickiNavarro:


Quoting MaMa2Azriel:

I'm going to change my goal of what I want to look like and just be happy with being overweight.  I don't think anyone else should either.  


I didn't say people should be happy to be overweight. I think you misunderstood the message...ps if that is you in your avatar...you are not overweight.


-Ashley, Conservative RepublicanSouthern Baptist in doubt of my faithPro-Life, raised in the SOUTH, can be stuck in my ways close-mindedWife of 5 years to PedroMother to Azriel <survivor of GastroschisisShort Bowel Syndrome, & a Small Bowel+Liver+Pancreas Transplant & US Army Soldier 

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