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So, I think I lost a friend tonight b/c he has no morals...(long, but I had to tell the whole thing)

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:00 PM
  • 112 Replies

I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years.  We usually hang out once a week or so and have a good time discussing all kinds of things.  He thinks I'm cool b/c he can tell me anything and I don't judge and we both enjoy philosophical debates.

So, today he calls and leaves me a message that he has a story to tell me.  So I called him and he recanted this story about how his car window was smashed in a few years back at some party and no one owned up to it.  Apparently, all fingers pointed at this girl who was there but she denied playing a part in it.

It later came out that she most likely had something to do with it.  Well, last night my friend was out and he saw this girl.  He said it was old news and he had no intention of confronting her about it.  As he left the bar, she came running after him.  She started pleading "I'm really sorry about what happened to your car...I was young and stupid.  And I just got out of jail again and I'm not supposed to be out or drinking...Please, please, please don't tell my sister's husband (my friend's friend) that you saw me out.  I'll give you money if you want.  Just please don't tell."

Now this girl has several kids from different dads and has always put partying above being a mother.  My friend has absolutely no respect for her.  He denied taking any of her money (he tells me b/c he would "feel bad taking money that could go to support her kids"), but asked for her number and he said he would call her if he thought of something she could do for him in return for him not telling his buddy he saw her out. 

So, later last night he ran into a buddy of his and was telling him about the situation...apparently both of them came up with an idea of what he could ask for.  Never, never, never in a million years did I expect to hear what came out of his mouth.  "Blow Job". 

So, he implied this very strongly to her through text messages (didn't straight out say it...something like "well, your big mouth got you into this mess, your big mouth can get you out of it"...when she didn't reply he said "I take it you aren't "nuts" about the idea?"

So today, she confessed everything to her sister and what my friend "propositioned" her with.  She was crying and everything (my thought was "understandably").  And my friend felt satisfied in knowing he upset her...because, well, he was upset when she smashed in his window. 

I asked him if he just wanted to "get to her" or if he would actually go through with it if she was "willing".  He said "well, I didn't expect she would, but yeah - I would have let her".  I told him that was the MOST DISGUSTING thing I had ever heard and said I was appalled that he thought so little of women (whether they were "quality" women or not) that he could let a girl humiliate herself in that way out of desperation to not "get in trouble".  I really layed into him.

He said he could see my point, but that he didn't feel bad about what he did.  He said "maybe this is what it will take for her to look at her life and make some changes".  In the end, he wasn't happy to know I was so upset by this and said he wished he hadn't told me.  I said "I wished you hadn't done something like that TO tell me".

So...yeah - I think we can't be friends anymore.  I can never look at him the same way again, and he said it bothers him that I can't look at him the same way again.  Apparently, he didn't think something like this would get such a negative reaction from me.  Well, now he knows differently.

Could you stay friends with a guy who could do something like that and feel like it's justified? 

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
.thickie.thick.
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:05 PM

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.

eta , i have friends whove said and done worse , but they know as long as the shit isnt said/done to me , i have no issue w/ what they do w/ their time.

maybaby08
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Nope.

BaisMom
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:07 PM

It was nasty, but I wouldn't stop being friends with him over it.

MamaOlivia
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:07 PM

Wouldnt be a friend of mine. Sorry bout the situation.

one_on_the_way
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:08 PM


Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.


Shit like what?  A man pretty much abusing his power to get sexual favors from a girl?  It's pretty twisted if you ask me.

In the end, he was trying to make ME feel bad for having an opinion about it.  I told him that I would have to try to get over it, and then he pretty much said "I won't be there Monday" (cancelled plans we had).  My thought is "fine...if I can't express my views on something to him...even if it is "I think you're an ass"..then this friendship might as well be over".

MovalMomsADMIN
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Quoting halliebug:

Thats disgusting. Kudos for not continuing to be around someone like that.
.thickie.thick.
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:10 PM

 shit like , words, what they do in their own time , etc. if it doesnt involve me i dont care.

Quoting one_on_the_way:

 

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.


Shit like what?  A man pretty much abusing his power to get sexual favors from a girl?  It's pretty twisted if you ask me.

In the end, he was trying to make ME feel bad for having an opinion about it.  I told him that I would have to try to get over it, and then he pretty much said "I won't be there Monday" (cancelled plans we had).  My thought is "fine...if I can't express my views on something to him...even if it is "I think you're an ass"..then this friendship might as well be over".

 

MamaOlivia
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:12 PM

So would would be friends with someone who degraded women because they felt like it, or someone who is a drug dealer, or breaks the law but as long as you arent involved in it you are still friends with them?

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 shit like , words, what they do in their own time , etc. if it doesnt involve me i dont care.

Quoting one_on_the_way:


Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.


Shit like what?  A man pretty much abusing his power to get sexual favors from a girl?  It's pretty twisted if you ask me.

In the end, he was trying to make ME feel bad for having an opinion about it.  I told him that I would have to try to get over it, and then he pretty much said "I won't be there Monday" (cancelled plans we had).  My thought is "fine...if I can't express my views on something to him...even if it is "I think you're an ass"..then this friendship might as well be over".

 


.thickie.thick.
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:13 PM

 Yup. I've made mistakes in my life & my male friends were the only ones who stuck by me , so im not going to drop them quick for something like that.

Quoting MamaOlivia:

So would would be friends with someone who degraded women because they felt like it, or someone who is a drug dealer, or breaks the law but as long as you arent involved in it you are still friends with them?

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 shit like , words, what they do in their own time , etc. if it doesnt involve me i dont care.

Quoting one_on_the_way:

 

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.


Shit like what?  A man pretty much abusing his power to get sexual favors from a girl?  It's pretty twisted if you ask me.

In the end, he was trying to make ME feel bad for having an opinion about it.  I told him that I would have to try to get over it, and then he pretty much said "I won't be there Monday" (cancelled plans we had).  My thought is "fine...if I can't express my views on something to him...even if it is "I think you're an ass"..then this friendship might as well be over".

 


 

one_on_the_way
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 9:14 PM

So, if you had a friend, who say - raped - someone...as long as it doesn't affect you, you could still be okay being their friend? 

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 shit like , words, what they do in their own time , etc. if it doesnt involve me i dont care.

Quoting one_on_the_way:

 

Quoting .thickie.thick.:

 I could stay friends w/ him. I dont cut friendships over shit like that.


Shit like what?  A man pretty much abusing his power to get sexual favors from a girl?  It's pretty twisted if you ask me.

In the end, he was trying to make ME feel bad for having an opinion about it.  I told him that I would have to try to get over it, and then he pretty much said "I won't be there Monday" (cancelled plans we had).  My thought is "fine...if I can't express my views on something to him...even if it is "I think you're an ass"..then this friendship might as well be over".

 


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