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PTSD and Iraqi veterans (dealing with this with your SO) PLEASE advise!

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:23 AM
  • 9 Replies

My SO spent a year in Iraq and recently we have been talking more about it and how it has impacted his life. He is truly an amazing man. He is gentle, kind, soft-spoken, fantastic with our kids (I have 4, he has 4 and I'm pregnant, due any time). He treats them all so well, doesn't lose his patience, etc. etc.

But, recently we had an argument. It was partly his fault, partly mine and I definitely overreacted, surely due to stress and hormones. He understood, but he retreated, nearly shut down and shut me out. We began really talking again today after 24 hours of no contact and a few days prior of little communication. He apologized profusely for hurting me. Said ever since he's returned from war he has been more and more this way - cannot handle fighting, arguing. Needs to just avoid conflict.

I HATE fighting so I can relate, but not completely, obviously.

So, to any military girlfriends/wives/partners etc. could you please give me some suggestions. I want us to have the wonderful relationship we have had for a long time, like forever. And I want to realistically be here for him in any way possible.

Thanks in advance, especially since I did not know where to post this and how to word it exactly.


by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Kaelansmom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:26 AM

There are counselors available. See if he will go to see one of them. (DH says there are some available specifically for the soldiers)

HereWeGoAgain9
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:29 AM

I think that he will. We have so much on our plate - 8 kids, one due any day, he works 4 twelve hour shifts in a row. It's just overwhelming, but I think he will go and I will gladly go with him, or support him going alone.

Thank you for your reply!

skylersmom05
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:33 AM
Military one source, individual counseling, marriage counseling, the chaplin... My hubbys an iraq and afganistan vet and hes done individual and we have done marriage counseling it really helped.
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Kaelansmom
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:35 AM

 

Quoting HereWeGoAgain9:

I think that he will. We have so much on our plate - 8 kids, one due any day, he works 4 twelve hour shifts in a row. It's just overwhelming, but I think he will go and I will gladly go with him, or support him going alone.

Thank you for your reply!

 Your welcome... I had to ask DH to make sure.. he says there are plenty of resources to utilize... and the support will be much appreciated :)

and wow, you do have a lot on your plate... good luck with the new little one and everyone else!

spcjones203
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:37 AM

 Do some couple's counseling, it will really help in the long run because it'll give you both tools that you can work with. You'll be alright, Mama. Just be strong, he'll need your support.

JeanEMc
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:40 AM

He definitely needs to deal with this, and you have to set boundaries.  You can withdraw during an argument if you see it coming, but if he doesn't get help his fuse will probably get shorter, not longer.  I am in a similar situation, and I hope you can get through this.

HereWeGoAgain9
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:43 AM

He is one of the best men I know, definitely the best man I have ever been blessed to call mine. I don't want to lose him to this, or anything. I also want to be able to express my needs, feelings, etc without him running scared so it is a fine line, a balance. My needs are important, and he knows that. But his problems since the desert are very real and deserve the utmost respect and treatment. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for him. And, he rarely ever complains about anything. He is quiet, reserved, calm....always looking out for us. But he needs to be looked out for too. Especially when he is burying it all inside and then feels the need for escape. 

I just want to love and support him the best way I can. Our kids are great, but they are kids and a handful!! (12, 11, 7, 5, 5, 5, almost 3, 2.5 and one on the way!!). They are loud, sweet, obnoxious and all of that typical stuff lol. They can make a bad day AWESOME and a good day LOUSY lol. So WE need to be partners, and generally speaking, we do that VERY well. But I'd like to nip any potential issues in the bud and let him know that while I am known as the sensitive one, I can be strong too. I can be here for him and I really, really want to be.

HereWeGoAgain9
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:45 AM

All the replies have been great. Thank you SO much!

Do we start with the VA for counseling? Independent? Both? I do know he's not especially thrilled with his VA medical dr - and I don't blame him. I'm a nurse and I don't see much therapeutic care going on there :(

HereWeGoAgain9
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:57 AM

BUMP!

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