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He's in Control.. He's not in Control.. He's In control... (dead flower petals falling)

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:02 PM
  • 6 Replies

So... November 15th, 2008. Myself & My Fiance, packed up what we could in his little Chevy S10, got money from friends & family of mine, and drove 15 hours from the State my ex husband is... Back to my homestate of PA.

Sparing a great number of details, because it would just take too long, and so many would want the nitty gritty information to 'understand' why I did what I did.. I'll just say, our children were not cared for, we were locked up and unable to go anywhere or do anything. I was not allowed to work, or have friends.. I was stuck homeschooling my children while I was greatly depressed, isolated from everyone and everything that made me happy.. so on so forth blah blah blah.

Ok. so I wouldn't tell the ex where we went, because he had literally went off his rocker, did some crazy things that were like deep rooted, hiding in his depths actions, that scared me, and scared our children, and made it an extremely unhealthy environment, for all of us, even him, though, if you ask me now, I could care less how it affected him considering I know the man.

Now, 2 years later, roughly... He has seen his children twice, he insisted he couldn't afford to drive up here to see them, and when he finally did I allowed him to take our son for a few months, thinking it would be good for both of them, but... ugh that's another long story. This would be a really long post, if I didn't cut out a lot of details.

However, the man has gone months at a time without calling to speak to his children. and when he does, he doesn't talk to them, not really, it's all BS, if I hadn't gotten onto him about the 'adult' things he shouldn't talk to his kids about (IE "Your mom never loved me, or she wouldn't have left me... your mom doesn't love you guys because she took you away from me... I don't feel good, I'm depressed because you guys are SO far away". Honestly, his children didn't mean anything to him until they were gone. It was work, sleep, computer (other women), work sleep, etc etc.

Now, the point of this, is... He has recently, since March gone over a month without calling, and when the kids have called him, he won't answer. He won't give me his work schedule so that they CAN call him when he's home, and even when he IS home, he won't call them back, and if he does call (and he says he calls numbers of times, hmm funny we have Caller ID and voicemail and the man can't take a minute to leave a short message for his kids to call him back, even IF he called, when in fact he hasn't but a handful of times)...

This is so long winded, but honestly, they do SO well when he's NOT calling. He'll go a whole month without talking to them... GOD if I could only put in here all those details that would make every mother cringe...

What can ya do though? I honestly can't do anything... but wait for him to call, or wait for him to answer when they call him. He doesn't pay child support, because he doesn't think he should be a 'check book'. Also, because he feels if I fall flat enough on my face, I'll kiss his ass and ask to come back. Or whatever the case may be.

I'm venting, ish. But, really... you watch your family and friends deal with dead beats, and fathers who totally disappear from the picture, but my ex, OH no... He has to get you all excited by not calling or any contact whatsoever then BAM... He has no control over my life any more, but what sucks, is He is controlling his children, by coming in and out, and then acting like a complete fool over the phone.

What's even more sad about this... is he has no clue his children have no real emotional attachment to him. He never strived for a bond with any of them except for our oldest daughter, but she's old enough to know, and have witnessed him making a complete ass out of himself, and she does not like speaking to him, because he makes her feel like she's a baby (literally he talks to them like they are 2-3, they were all over 5 yrs old when I left).

BTW my kids are 10, 8 & 7.

So if you made it this far, I have no idea what it was about. I guess I'm just fed up with him way more than I already was... and I can't fathom what makes a 'father' such a loser. *sigh* I'll never live down the fact that I married him...

                          

                                                  

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:02 PM
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Replies (1-6):
teri4lance
by Platinum Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:05 PM

tell your kids they dont have to talk to him when he calls and stop answering when he does - it won't be any loss. GL mama

BrandyTheMommy
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:09 PM

What a messed up situation. The kids don't deserve that. Good luck.

Ladybug8412
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:16 PM

I'm confused.  Are you complaining because you want him to call your kids or NOT to call? 

sherry132
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:23 PM

 You know, I actually understood all of that. LOL. Reason being is my ex is so much the same. Except he shows up for three scheduled visitations a year. But I think it's more because he gets to make me drive 900 miles to pick the kids up after those visitations.

Pay attention to your custody agreement. Don't tell them not to answer if he calls and your custody agreement gives him reasonable phone visitation. Seriously, men like him will come after you with a vengenance when you piss them off.

After age 13 in some states, older in others, your children can decide if they want to see him or not. You'll have to check the laws in the state your custody was agreed on unless you've asked for a change of state.

I'm sorry, I really do understand. It sucks and it's an emotional roller coaster built directly in hell.. Good luck.

rainskisses
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:48 PM

I'm not 'complaining'... I was venting. I honestly would Love for my children to have a level headed, stable father. If he called and actually treated his children like his children, instead of being a dick, I would be happy. Unfortunately, he doesn't stay consistent, and then when the kids don't want to talk to him, he acts like it's my fault.

I was venting to the fact that my ex husband is just another one of those statistics dead beat, idiotic morons.

Quoting Ladybug8412:

I'm confused.  Are you complaining because you want him to call your kids or NOT to call? 


                          

                                                  

rainskisses
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:54 PM

Thank you Sherry =) Oh trust me, I do everything in my POWER to show that I am putting forth an effort to enable him to speak to his kids when he calls... The kids called so many times over the summer that was unanswered, that my oldest daughter left him a voicemail "Dad, we've called you (x amount of times), and you never call us back, or answer... if you want to talk to us, you can call us."

Of course, he swears he doesn't get these numerous voice mails when the kids ask him... So they tell him he needs a new phone LOL... He's just a jackass... no nice way to put it.

It seems like no matter how hard I've tried to make this easy on my kids, he does everything he can to make it hard... Story of life though right??

Quoting sherry132:

Pay attention to your custody agreement. Don't tell them not to answer if he calls and your custody agreement gives him reasonable phone visitation. Seriously, men like him will come after you with a vengenance when you piss them off.

I'm sorry, I really do understand. It sucks and it's an emotional roller coaster built directly in hell.. Good luck.


                          

                                                  

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