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Advice from Christian Wives please. Edit in red

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:20 PM
  • 16 Replies

I'm not trying to leave anyone out. But I'm having a struggle, and I don't know how to handle it as a christian wife. I need advice, and I don't need to be bashed. I'm having issues inside of me, and I don't know how to bring it back up to my husband again without it turning into a fight. Just to make sure you know, we are going to talk to our pastor tomorrow night at church about this. But this story I will make short so you can get what I'm talking about.

Okay, Saturday night he went for a guys night. No big deal, he comes home at 4 am and lies to my face about going to a strip club. Come to find out (he told me) they did go to a strip club (knowing how disrespectful I find this) and stayed there all night. Spent 85 dollars (we could have used elsewhere) and came home with the strippers e-mail address in his wallet. Now I've already confronted him about the whole thing, and burned the e-mail address. But that still is not taking the confusion away. Why would he have it? The real reason and not the story he told me about it. Why would he go there knowing how much it bothers me, and then go a step further and get her e-mail? He said he doesn't want a divorce, and is happy with me, but I still cant get it out of my head. I don't want to be bashed for staying, or be told how stupid I am. i just need advice on how to handle this battle I'm having out in my head. Please help me.

Thank you ladies for all of your support. As Im reading your replys Im crying my eyes out. Thank you for being understanding and not telling me to leave. We have been married for 5 years (been together 7) and have three children.  I just didnt know where else to go with this right now. Thank you

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Utahgirl2010
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:23 PM

I don't have any advice because I wouldn't stay but here's a bump and good luck!

prego7386
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:23 PM

disclaimer-not christian- but you should def not let him go out with that group anymore. its CLEAR they do not share the same values as what you are trying to have in your household and that your husband is not strong enough to stand up for those said values when the guys put the pressure on him. def schedule some marriage counseling with your pastor for the two of you. GL

Mommyof2n13
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:25 PM

BUMP!

sh2991ba
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:27 PM

This is just me (and I'm not bashing) but...

If DH did that to me, I would demand counseling with our pastor.  I would try to work it out, as long as he hasn't actually cheated on me yet.

lady_kira
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:28 PM

Strictly speaking as a christian:

Is he christian as well? It really sounds to me that you need to turn to your bible, there will be scriptures in there that you will find solace in. To get help to find the scriptures ask your pastor for what you can look for, and maybe find out if there's any sort of counseling your husband and you can do together... maybe even with another married couple in the church that is older than you two that can counsel without passing judgement. Also, just pray. Every day. God will open a door for you and he can help you get through this.

TiffanyMarie80
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:30 PM

He hasn't cheated, but he has also not been respectful of you as his wife.  I think meeting with your pastor is an excellant idea!!  I would talk about why his visitng a strip club bothers you, and also why his lying to you is unacceptable (worse thant he strip club IMO, and I'm not a fan of those at ALL).  Make sure to emphasiz how his actions make YOU feel.

cherib82
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:31 PM
I would be upset big time. It would have me thinking I wasn't doing something In the bedroom that he wanted. I think those clubs are just ugh. Not bashing anyone who works there. I just don't see the point of going and paying for something you can see at home for free.
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cinnabunch
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:32 PM

I'm glad you are meeting with pastor about this. I hope it helps. I will pray for you both. Hugs

supervomiter
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:37 PM

 I am a christian wife and I am not a fan of strip clubs, but I dont tell my husband where he can and cannot go. I have told him that if the guys are having some kind of thing there then I dont mind if he goes as long as he doesnt waste too much mney and I sure as hell dont want to know about any of the lapdances or boobs in his face. lol

He probably got the email address becasue the stripper knows if she can get the men to come back, she can get more money. She is just marketing herself, I doubt she wants anything to do with your husband romantically. He probably was so drunk he just stuck it in his pocket. Talk to your pastor, but I am sure he still love you very much. Strip clubs are just something that guys like to do when they all get together. Personally, for us I woulnt be upset unless I found out he was going all the time.

Gr8tmomma
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:39 PM

Unfortunatley, men are very visual.  They can be satisfied with their wives and still be tempted by the lust of the flesh.  Meeting with your pastor is a great first step but also stay on your face before God and seek Him.  Have unwavering faith that He will work it out for you.  Get closer to Him and He will lead you where He wants you to be.  It is nothing that you are doing.  It is the enemy trying to kill, steal and destroy.  I've been going through something similar but much deeper with my husband, porn addiction.  I'm believing and trusting in God for complete deliverance.

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