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Things came to blows last night; and now my husband wants a divorce. UPDATE

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 7:54 AM
  • 64 Replies

A few years ago he told me wanted one; but then quickly said we were going to work on it. It wasn't me it was him and it was just something he was dealing with internally. To me, these last few years seemed really good. He didn't seem like anything was bothering him; and up until last night i assumed all was well in our world.

Last night during our conversation about undermining each other when it came to our daughter he let it slip that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He doesn't love me anymore. Never wanted to get married. He felt pressured. We have been married for 8 years. Said he wasn't happy and that the drinking he has been doing lately is all the pressure from being something he isn't.

Now. He said that he will give it 3 years. Time for me to get a education finished; to pay down some bills. He said in those 3 years things could change. He did say that we lost the friendship and it could just be as something as "simple" as trying to get that back.

I was up all night thinking last night and you know i cannot do that. I don't want to give up on my marriage; but if there is nothing he claims I can do then i don't know what i will accomplish by being here for 3 years.  Yes i want to finish my education; but being in the same  home with someone who honestly doesn't want me here would just kill me. KWIM?

The thing is he told me last night he doesn't want me spending any money. That all purchases i have to make will be discussed and anything big like grocery shopping will be done with him there. He has this warped sense of what grocery budget means and has it in his mind that we can live on food for 2 weeks on a next to nothing budget.

So..i don't know what i want to do right now.  I can't stay with a man who will throw this in my face every time something doesn't go his way; and i don't want to live  here for 3 years wondering what if. We are military and i really need to talk to someone to see what my rights are because being on such a tight leash with his money is really not going to work. I dont' want to starve or be scrutinized about what takes place with his money. I mean i have contacts and tampons and stuff i have to buy too. So i think the first thing i really need to do is start applying for a job--and then look into colleges or something. We are not from this state and i know once things hit south I don't want to stay here; which is another weird thing he said. "if we go through with it in a few years, i am more than welcome to stay there and be friends and roommates". Um...i dont' get my husband at all and its just tearing me up right now.

UPDATE

Ok so something strange happened. I came home from class earlier than expected because all we had to do today was take a test. My DH normally works 3-11 so he was still here. He asked how I did and I told him I don't know. Left it short and simple. Well he walked into the kitchen and streched open his arms and told me he was sorry that he only said all that because he was angry and that he really does love me.

I cried and for some reason fell into the hug even though i honest to God didn't want to;  and he squeezed me hard and just held me. Then I went to my room.  Seriously while that may be his way to take back what was said..IT WAS still said and I CAN'T just forget that. So while right this minute everything may, to him, be A OK; to me its not. Crying was just a reaction I had to all the emotions. I am sure the hug i fell into was the same. I am still just as mad and just as upset as i was earlier. That didn't change a thing. Do you know how hard it was to try and concentrate on that damn test today with all that on my mind?  With having little sleep? So yeah..i am not ready to forget that and i won't forget it and i won't be OK with it because he seemed to be truly sorry for how he acted. You do not just throw around the word divorce and say you don't love someone just to take it back like that.

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 7:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JenB1983
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 7:56 AM

Sorry momma......

mamafor6
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 7:59 AM

Sorry sweetie but I would give up. If there is nothing you can do then there is no reason to stay BIG HUGS

indymom72
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:00 AM

I'm with you, I'd be finding a way out..he sounds like he's lost his mind.  I'm so sorry...

katiebugg2003
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:00 AM

I am just at a loss and feel so empty. The last time he said he still loved me; this time he said he doesn't.

Even if he does "change his mind" i can't keep doing this..wondering if its ME who is causing him to get this way. I do love him; but this constant chain he has been pulling it starting to get a little tight. I know it will be tight if i stayed here for 3 years while he decided what he wanted to do.

Zoeysmom09
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:00 AM
Bump
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Zoeysmom09
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:00 AM
Bump
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WhitleyLyles
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:02 AM
Man this is confusing. He doesn't want to be married anymore- but he said you can live there for three more years?! Huh?
I'm sorry though.
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gulfcoastmom4
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:02 AM

Wow sorry.

thatgirl70
by Carin on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:03 AM

I am so sorry. I wouldn't want to waste another 3 years with him either. Especially with him being the control freak that he obviously is. I would just tell him to stuff his 3 years and leave now. You'll get your education, don't worry. You may have to postpone it a little, but it will happen for you.

SoKamele
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:04 AM

BUMP!

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