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sexless marriage....UPDATE...UPDATE #2

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:24 PM
  • 164 Replies

 My husband has never been sexually driven...meaning sex is not a necessity for him, he could careless. I KNOW he is not cheating or anything like that. When we first started dating the no sex thing was good with me cause I had just got out of a sexually abusive relationship and I had no interest whatsoever. Now we have been together for 9 years and married 5 and I want sex...alot and he does not. I don't know what to do. I am emotionally pulling away cause he is happy to have sex 1 time a month IF that!. I work overnights 4 nights out of the week and when I am home I want sex and it is destroying me that he has no interest at all. He gets mad or he will pleasure me and then not be able to have sex due to not being able to keep an erection...and then that makes me irritated cause I am not full-filled in sex. Ugh...I just don't know what to do.

update: So I suggested he go get a complete physical and blood panel done to check his hormones, he responds " Only issue is I'm not comfortable, not enough activity in bed. Works fine when I am alone" Ugh! WTF!! He is at work and texting me this because last night before I went to work he decided to play Halo with his friends instead of talking to me about this issue!!! My head is about to explode!!

update #2: He now says that he has been depressed for  a year now and nobody has noticed....I don't see it. He has not lost interest in things that make him happy, he continues to play his vidoe games, do RC car stuff, work on his project car and almost everything he has done since we met. I know life it very hard finacially right now so I guess that could be it. We are pretty much stuck in the lifestyle we are in due to being unable to get into our chosen careers because we cannot take the pay cut. We make more money doing what we do now then what we would make being in our careers.....at least for a few years and we have no breathing room.

I suggested that we get counseling but he has not got back with me yet about it.

EDIT: Just to clear things up: He has had this issue for YEARS I just thought it was his lack of experience. I know that if I accepted him for him 9 years ago I should still accecpt him now....and I do I just don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I really think he has a hormone imbalance and he refuses to look into it. I know it has to be hard for him being a man to have these issues but he does need to face them. I am tired of asking and waiting. He shows improvement and then just quits, this is a cycle he goes through.

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by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Codysmom22908
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:28 PM

BUMP!

lisajellybean
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:30 PM

 Omg u just described my marriage!!!! Lol we have sex once every week or less than that we have amazing sex dont get me wrong its just not a big thing for us we are busy with our kids & life to do it all the time, we show each other we love ea other in different ways we are very affectionate & say we love each other ALL the time everytime we hang up from talking or when we are going somewhere. I know hes not cheating he is not that type he said he would leave me bfore he would cheat,

Sandy418
by Platinum Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:30 PM

how old is  he?

Codysmom22908
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:32 PM

 

Quoting Sandy418:

how old is  he?

 30 and he was a 21 year old virgin when we met

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wickedfiress
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:33 PM


Quoting Sandy418:

how old is  he?

I'm not sure that makes a difference since he was like this 9+ years ago when they met.


It's amazing how people don't hold themselves to the standards they set for others.

Ladybug8412
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:33 PM

Has he seen a doctor about his erectile dysfunction?  Maybe a prescription for viagra or cialis can put him in the game more often?  It worked for my DH.  Also check just to be sure he has no other health issues going on.  Good luck, momma!  I know how frustrating that can be.  My DH still has issues with getting off during sex.  I thought that was supposed to be my role?!  lol

LoveDare
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:35 PM

He needs to hear it. H needs to know you are having serious issues because of this.

wickedfiress
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:35 PM

This isn't about erectile dysfunction. Not at all.

He has been like this since they met. She is the one that has changed. 

They are simply no longer sexually compatible.

Codysmom22908
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:37 PM

 Yeah, I now he won't do that. Sucks. He says he is just stressed but we were not stressed when we started out.

Quoting Ladybug8412:

Has he seen a doctor about his erectile dysfunction?  Maybe a prescription for viagra or cialis can put him in the game more often?  It worked for my DH.  Also check just to be sure he has no other health issues going on.  Good luck, momma!  I know how frustrating that can be.  My DH still has issues with getting off during sex.  I thought that was supposed to be my role?!  lol

 

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mom2_3blessings
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:40 PM

So sorry you are going thru this. It is the same for my hubby and it drives me absolutley crazy sometimes. My hubby works all the time as I do as well and we are just not as in tune with eachother as we were when we first meet.

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