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What do you do for punishment if your child misbehaves at school?

Posted by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:21 PM
  • 10 Replies

My Kindergarden student is acting out in school. We grounded her for the night (no tv, no halloween candy till Friday, cleaning as an alternative to sitting in her room)

This isn't the first time we have dished out this punishment for misbehavior at school... sigh.

What do you do?

P.S. I posted about the misbehavior in another forum and a lot of people said I need to reinforce punishment at home, so I thought I would start a new discussion on what works... or doesn't.

by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jillbailey26
by Emerald Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:24 PM

Our kids' school uses the stoplight system.  The basic is green is the best, yellow is okay (1st or second warnings) and red is the worst.  Some teachers add in purple which is better than green and blue which is between green and yellow.

If my boys get a purple or green, they get rewarded.  If they get yellow, they have to stay upstairs, no computer, no TV downstairs.  If they get a red they have to sit in their room on their bed with nothing to do and spend time in the corner.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19


nmjordan
by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:26 PM

What exactly did she do? My son is 4 and in pre-k and unless the teacher comes out and tells me he did something seriously wrong, I trust that she will reprimand him/handle the situation fairly.

Last week, she DID tell me he did something that I ought to know about. Unfortunately, with my son, not much can be done in the way of punishment so long after the act. He has delays and doesn't get it. Not an excuse, just the way it is. He may be moving to a special-needs class because of his behavior. Anyhow, we had a talk with him. A loooong talk. And it was hard to keep his attention (he may have ADHD). We repeatedly asked him if he knew what he did wrong, and he said he did, and he'd never do it again. So... I may not be the best parent to get advice from. Does your daughter misbehave in school often?

Kris_PBG
by Ruby Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:28 PM

We have never had a major behavior problem to discipline at home due to behavior at school.

If there is a small issue, we will talk about and review our expectations.

If a situation has been punished at school and it is a minor infraction, I see no need to double-punish at home.

If we are talking abour more significant behaviors, that is a different story.

What works well is instead of punishing, is when a parent sets it in terms of positives.  For example, if she loves playing her leapster, she can paly her leapster after school on days where she meets certain minmum criteria for her behavior.  On days when she does not meet the criteria, she does not earn her leapster, but then you can talk about how if she meets her "goal" tomorrow, she does have her leapster to look forward to...  You get the idea.

Kris_PBG
by Ruby Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:29 PM

I have found with that age group, lots of "mini" talks work much better than a "long" one.  You get to reinforce your expectations again and again and you are not "fighting" the normal developmental inability to sustain long attention spans.

Quoting nmjordan:

What exactly did she do? My son is 4 and in pre-k and unless the teacher comes out and tells me he did something seriously wrong, I trust that she will reprimand him/handle the situation fairly.

Last week, she DID tell me he did something that I ought to know about. Unfortunately, with my son, not much can be done in the way of punishment so long after the act. He has delays and doesn't get it. Not an excuse, just the way it is. He may be moving to a special-needs class because of his behavior. Anyhow, we had a talk with him. A loooong talk. And it was hard to keep his attention (he may have ADHD). We repeatedly asked him if he knew what he did wrong, and he said he did, and he'd never do it again. So... I may not be the best parent to get advice from. Does your daughter misbehave in school often?


jillbailey26
by Emerald Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:31 PM


Quoting Kris_PBG:

We have never had a major behavior problem to discipline at home due to behavior at school.

If there is a small issue, we will talk about and review our expectations.

If a situation has been punished at school and it is a minor infraction, I see no need to double-punish at home.

If we are talking abour more significant behaviors, that is a different story.

What works well is instead of punishing, is when a parent sets it in terms of positives.  For example, if she loves playing her leapster, she can paly her leapster after school on days where she meets certain minmum criteria for her behavior.  On days when she does not meet the criteria, she does not earn her leapster, but then you can talk about how if she meets her "goal" tomorrow, she does have her leapster to look forward to...  You get the idea.

We do something similar, but on a larger scale.  They "earn" time if they do well each day to play video games on Friday.  If they don't do well, they simply don't earn that time.  Even if they're only good one day of the week, they still get to play the time they earned.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19


luv2wahm
by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:32 PM

Ummm I don't know neither of my kids have misbehaved at school...I have a 6th grader and a 1st grader...

WoW.widow
by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:33 PM

BUMP!

Kris_PBG
by Ruby Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:33 PM

Exactly!  Every family will need to tweak it for what the child is motivated by and what works for them - sounds like you have a great system!

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting Kris_PBG:

We have never had a major behavior problem to discipline at home due to behavior at school.

If there is a small issue, we will talk about and review our expectations.

If a situation has been punished at school and it is a minor infraction, I see no need to double-punish at home.

If we are talking abour more significant behaviors, that is a different story.

What works well is instead of punishing, is when a parent sets it in terms of positives.  For example, if she loves playing her leapster, she can paly her leapster after school on days where she meets certain minmum criteria for her behavior.  On days when she does not meet the criteria, she does not earn her leapster, but then you can talk about how if she meets her "goal" tomorrow, she does have her leapster to look forward to...  You get the idea.

We do something similar, but on a larger scale.  They "earn" time if they do well each day to play video games on Friday.  If they don't do well, they simply don't earn that time.  Even if they're only good one day of the week, they still get to play the time they earned.


jillbailey26
by Emerald Member on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:36 PM

Thanks, lol.  We were doing it every day, but then it got to where they were getting (what seemed like) addicted to it all.  They were always fighting over it, getting attitudes and all that.  So I cut it back to once a week.

Quoting Kris_PBG:

Exactly!  Every family will need to tweak it for what the child is motivated by and what works for them - sounds like you have a great system!

Quoting jillbailey26:


Quoting Kris_PBG:

We have never had a major behavior problem to discipline at home due to behavior at school.

If there is a small issue, we will talk about and review our expectations.

If a situation has been punished at school and it is a minor infraction, I see no need to double-punish at home.

If we are talking abour more significant behaviors, that is a different story.

What works well is instead of punishing, is when a parent sets it in terms of positives.  For example, if she loves playing her leapster, she can paly her leapster after school on days where she meets certain minmum criteria for her behavior.  On days when she does not meet the criteria, she does not earn her leapster, but then you can talk about how if she meets her "goal" tomorrow, she does have her leapster to look forward to...  You get the idea.

We do something similar, but on a larger scale.  They "earn" time if they do well each day to play video games on Friday.  If they don't do well, they simply don't earn that time.  Even if they're only good one day of the week, they still get to play the time they earned.




"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19


Lori_G4
by on Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:44 PM

My boys (4th and 1st grade) know that I will only give them ice ream money once a week, on Fridays. If they have received any points in school that week (points are given for misbehavior), then they do not get ice cream money that week. Also, after the very first point they received, I made it clear that was their ONLY "get out of jail free card." Now, if they receive points, not only do they not get ice cream money, but they are on restriction for a week, and they receive one swat to the hiney. Misbehavior at school is taken VERY seriously in my home. My oldest dd got 1 point total from K5-3rd grade (before I started home-schooling). My boys just returned to the school system half-way through last year, and they have received maybe 4 points total between the 2 of them thus far. My oldest ds told me today that he thought he had lost his Math homework and was so afraid of getting a point that his stomach was doing "flip-flops." He wasn't afraid of punishment for it, though. He was afraid of not receiving the "Star Panther" award at the end of the year. The school gives out a huge trophy to children who have all As for the year and 3 points or less as well. GL!

toddler girl




 Chris & Lori             Valerie-11             Brian-9                 Dalton-6                   Maya-2

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