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10 rules for dating my son....(2 versions)

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:20 PM
  • 41 Replies

We've all seen th application for dating my daughter...Well moms of boys, here's 2 versions for ya!!!


TEN RULLES FOR DATING MY SON:

Rule One: If you talk with foul words and dress like a floosy in shirts that are too small and pants low with thong showing, I will treat you like one. You are only allowed to wear granny panties super glued to your hind quarters.

Rule Two: If you date my son you date only him. He has a kind heart and I will not have you make my son cry; if he does, I will make you cry. You may only date one of my sons. Ever.

Rule Three: You must know how to cook as well as I have taught my son to cook. He is a big eater. Frozen dinners do not count.

Rule Four: Do not be hurt when my son chooses sports over time with you. Join in and learn the game. Shopping is not a sport.

Rule Five: Do not date my son for his money because I am his bank. Do not expect expensive gifts, he has been taught to be a savvy shopper.

Rule Six: Don't sleep with my son; the only rubber he should be concerned about is out in the driveway and has Goodyear stamped on it.

Rule Seven: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pudgy, baggy-eyed, last-season, has-been. But on issues relating to my son, I am the queen of his universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. If you do not I will ask him. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Eight: My son has been raised not to hit a lady, so act like one and I will not have to hit you for him.

Rule Nine: If you need more than 30 minutes to dress for a date with my son, be prepared to talk with him only during halftime and commercial breaks for identification from the local station.

Rule Ten: My son is not a toy. He does not have Hasbro, Mattel or any other toy company tatooed on his person. Hence, he is not an object for you to play with, manipulate, and discard at your leisure. I suffered through 42 hours of labor to have him, and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie 300 will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me.




"We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive,
over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too
personally" - The Dalai Lama My lesson of the year. ♥


LOVEASL-1.gif picture by amayabrianna

by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Waspinators_Mom
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:20 PM
Rule One:

If my son gathers his courage and asks you for a date, this is not an opportunity to run all your errands with my car. Sweetie, you will not ask him to take you on any little side trips to anywhere, especially the mall, where he will be expected to tag along after you as you use him first as your personal chauffeur, then as your bearer for your packages. He has his heart and soul wrapped up in taking you out, for whatever reason that may be, and he has a heart of gold, very simply, you will not take advantage of him. This will simply not happen, right?  And therefore, I simply will not hustle your shapely little behind down my front steps to dump you in the trunk with your precious packages and UPS the entire bundle to Tibet, either... right?

Rule Two:

You do not touch my son in front of me. Period... No clinging, no hugging, not even holding hands. You may glance at him, but any glances going beneath the belt will get you an immediate expulsion from my house. You will find your feet hitting the pavement faster than your gum-snapping mouth can shriek "What?? What did I do??"

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for girls of your age to wear their shirts with the bottom half ripped off, where any sudden movement threatens to expose yourself to any casual passerby or with necklines so low that your breasts nearly tumble out, so, please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete moronic sluts. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with breasts hanging out, and looking like you are trying out for a job with Hugh Heffner, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your shirt actually does not expose any unintended flesh, I will feel free to helpfully use my hot glue gun to fasten it to your midriff and or chest. Watch the makeup while you're at it too. Should you show up with your face painted garish colors and reeking of perfume like the Whore of Babylon, I will take great pleasure in helpfully introducing you to a scrub brush and a bar of Lava soap...

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've are enlightened about sex, and have all the latest information on diseases and methods of contraception. You may even be using one of these methods, "just in case". Yes, I am sure that you are well informed. Well, I'd like to offer one wee extra bit of information for your general edification - if you even THINK of touching my son in an intimate fashion, I will break every bone in your hands - no questions asked - just to helpfully remind you of my favorite method of contraception, which is this nifty "new" idea called "abstinence" until marriage...

Rule Five:

I have noted that the recent fashions have tended towards piercing various, shall we say, "interesting" body parts. I have no real problems with your basic pierced eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue or belly button, honest, but be aware that, with only the most helpful of intentions, I also have a rather large pair of pliers in my toolbox.  (Yes, my toolbox, not my craft-box. I really DO want to be helpful!)

Rule Six: 

I have no doubt you are a popular girl, and you may have the entire football team panting after you. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my son. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my darling boy, you will continue to date no one but him until you come to an amicable agreement to separate. If you break his heart, I will most assuredly make you wish you'd never been born, dear.

Rule Seven:

Should you happen to stop by here, please remember there is still such a thing as manners. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my son to appear, and more than thirty seconds goes by, do not sigh and fidget, and do not snap your gum. He is hurrying as fast as he can, and he's not only driving you, he's buying your movie ticket. In fact, actually, not that I think about it, thanks so very much for stopping over - instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like vacuuming?

Rule Eight:

You may also be enlightened as to the use of many natural herbal substances, or crystallized and powdered substances. We're not even going to mention things that can be injected, are we? If I ever even think you have even a small glimmer of intent to educate my son regarding these substances, I will be educating Officer Krupky about your general existence, just to be helpful, and insure your general good health...

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be an graying middle-aged, not kewl hippie wannabe. But on issues relating to my son, I am the all-knowing, all-powerful and merciless goddess of your universe. 

If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have been known to speed up slow answerers by grabbing the back of their jeans with one hand and the back of their hair with another, and re-introducing them to the front walk... Don't
lie, and speak swiftly and don't say "ummmm" ...

Rule Ten:

Be afraid, be very afraid.... Schizophrenia may very well run in families, they're not quite sure... and I am about the same age as my dearly departed grandmother was when she snapped from stress and completely lost it... Family legend has it that she would greet my fathers unacceptable dates with carving knife in hand... try not to ummm, stress me out... ya, that's it, try very hard not to stress me out... see, I have a nice collection of Ginsu's in the kitchen, myself... Grandma would have loved them...  I'm not kidding even a little tiny bit...

Have fun, kids!!!

(but not too much fun!)

 

missdani08
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:23 PM
Idk I'm a firm believer most boys are the ones that are more likely to hurt a girl than a girl hurt a boy. I think boys pressure girls to have sex too more than a girl pressuring a guy. I have both a girl and a boy this what I believe
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iamcafemom83
by Rah-Rah on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:23 PM
Ohhh gag me.
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Kaelansmom
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:24 PM

LMAO

adri_nevarez
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:26 PM

I feel sorry for any son who has to have a date follow these rules!

mom2_3blessings
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:27 PM
ha ha wow i have three girls dont have much rules for them yet as they are young but if they dated a guy with a mom with rules and my dd was told these rules she would not date him. rules are meant for you and your son or for me my dd as long as you and your son agree you should have no issues .
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cricketdawn81
by Crystal on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:30 PM

Loved them.  I have 4 sons and 1 daughter so I totally get what you mean.  LOL 

Waspinators_Mom
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:30 PM

Geeze people! It was a joke, ya know? There wasn't this much feed back on the "application to date my daughter post"~ Dayumn!

Waspinators_Mom
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:31 PM

You should see how many times my brother has been gurt and pressured for sex by a girl!!!

Quoting missdani08:

Idk I'm a firm believer most boys are the ones that are more likely to hurt a girl than a girl hurt a boy. I think boys pressure girls to have sex too more than a girl pressuring a guy. I have both a girl and a boy this what I believe


"We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive,
over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too
personally" - The Dalai Lama My lesson of the year. ♥


LOVEASL-1.gif picture by amayabrianna

Waspinators_Mom
by on Nov. 15, 2010 at 3:32 PM

Thanks!!!

My son recently told me he wants and abstinence ring for his 13th b-day.

Quoting cricketdawn81:

Loved them.  I have 4 sons and 1 daughter so I totally get what you mean.  LOL 


"We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive,
over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too
personally" - The Dalai Lama My lesson of the year. ♥


LOVEASL-1.gif picture by amayabrianna

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