Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

When? Long. Help.

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:05 PM
  • 9 Replies
Background info: My exhusband (Ben) and I had a son in September of 2005, Ben left us in April of 2006. Cleaned out our bank account and moved in with my best friend. He never wanted to come see ds, and wanted me to drop him off at their house. I would never do it because she had a ferret, 2 dogs and 3 cats in the house. Ds had RSV, and she never picked up the animal's waste. No way in HELL was my baby going over there. He never pushed it again. I offered to let him see ds @ FIL & MIL's house. He never showed. Ds has seen him MAYBE 2 hours total since April of 2006.

EXHubbybis now in prison and has found religion. Now he wants to be in ds's life. Wants me to bring him to the prison for visits. Umm...NO. I don't think it will be healthy for ds to meet his father in that environment. My boyfriend has been ds's daddy since 2007. John is the only daddy ds knows. Ds started calling John "Daddy" on his own, and we never stopped him. At the time Ben was calling ds a "thing", and demanding all pictures of me and ds be taken down at his family's homes. We know we will have to tell ds the truth sometime. Ben gets out in 2012, and wants to start seeing ds again. He has changed alot. He sends ds cards on his birthday, asks about him in every letter, and gives ds 1/4 of his state pay every 3 months.
So, my question is: When should we tell ds the truth? Now or right before Ben gets out?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:05 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
proudmomma1986
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:07 PM
I might get bashed for saying this, but right now and he should be allowed to visit his dad even if he's in prison.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
imuney
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:09 PM

Alot of people find Jesus in prison then act like the devil when they get out. Dont say anything. Wait and see if he proves himself to be the same person in 2012 that he is now.

CHLOES_MOM2008
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:11 PM
IMO I would do it now rather than later so that he has time to deal with it. I think it might be harder for him if you wait to tell and he won't have time to adjust and might be awkward for him to spend time with someone who is a stranger to him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AmelieH
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:12 PM

Your child is so young... it's a hard decision to make.  I wouldn't take my child to prison to meet his bio father for the first time.  i would want him to be in his own home and comfortable.  I would probably start preparing him CLOSER to his father's release date IF the bio father persisted in wanting to know him.  2012 is a long way from now, and your son is so young still...

starflower57
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:16 PM
I'd agree with wait and see if he's really changed and your son is too young to be visiting in prison since he never knew his father before.
CHLOES_MOM2008
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:17 PM
As another option maybe he can write to ds frequently to try to get to know him and show that he cares about him. You could read the letters to ds and help him write him back. You could also send pics of ds to him as an alternative to actually taking ds to the prison.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bieg9093
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:21 PM

Geography is a great thing.  If you start planning now, could your little family find a great place to live far enough away by 2012 that Ben wouldn't be an issue?

And, forgive me but...state pay?  Is that what it sounds like?

momof2gingers
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:37 PM
He calls it state pay. I assume it's money that the state of KY gives him. I think it's like 25 dollars every month. Maybe not even that much. I just know he's mailed me two checks for ten dollars a piece. The checks say from the Oldham County Prisioners Fund.
I really don't want to move. We just bought this house in April, and all of our family is around here. I'm hoping he stays in Louisville which is 4 hours away.


Quoting Bieg9093:

Geography is a great thing.  If you start planning now, could your little family find a great place to live far enough away by 2012 that Ben wouldn't be an issue?


And, forgive me but...state pay?  Is that what it sounds like?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2gingers
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 7:46 AM
bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)