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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

The term "First Mother" -- what do you think?

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Poll

Question: To you, does the term "first mother" imply sequential or concurrent motherhood?

Options:

Concurrent. The term "first mother" implies that the woman is STILL a mother of the child who was adopted

Sequential. The term "first mother" implies that the woman is NOT a mother of the child who was adopted

I am not sure.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 131

View Results

The term "first mother" has entered adoption-related discourse, and I am sitting on the fence on this one, because I am not certain about what it implies to the "general public."

The term "birth mother" was coined about 40 yrs ago by the adoption industry in order to define a mother who has lost/placed/surrendered a child to adoption as being a non-mother, a mother whose motherhood ended at birth.  The term "natural mother" means a woman who has surrendered a child to adoption but is still a mother, a mother by the laws of Nature and still having that instinctive love/bond with her child.   But what about the term "first mother"?  What does it imply to you?

1 - Does it imply concurrent motherhood, like in "first child and second child," that both the "first mother" and the adoptive mothers are both mothers at the same time to the child? 

2 - Or does it imply sequential motherhood, as in "first wife and second wife," that the first mother of the child is no longer that child's mother?

Whether or not you think one way or the other, please answer this poll, focusing on just what the term "first mother" means to you.


by on Dec. 30, 2010 at 1:28 AM
Replies (61-64):
EyEmTuRtLe
by Turtle on May. 16, 2012 at 1:26 PM

I was adopted as a newborn.

In my opinion Mom is the one that raises you, is there through the good times and bad, through thick "n" thin and everything else.

The second a paper is signed at an adoption the BM loses the privilage of being called "Mom." So a birth mother is simply that a birth mother... not a mother nor a mom.

mysticalmalissa
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2012 at 1:29 PM

First mother to me is the woman gave birth to me. 

I refer to my bio-mother as my first mother and my adoptive Mom as my "real" Mother.

TableforSeven
by on May. 16, 2012 at 3:12 PM

It SOUNDS stupid to me....I don't really care what it is supposed to mean.

The woman who carried me and gave me life is my Birth Mother....that's it - nothing else.  She did cease being my mother when the chord was cut....the woman who raised me was my mother (she passed away 4 years ago) and the man who raised me is my father.

shakesrear
by on May. 18, 2012 at 12:27 PM
I'm an adoptee and I absolutely hate this term. Birth mother was ok, because it describes a factual situation without any emotional involvement implied, but first mother sounds awful and I will never use it to apply to the woman who gave birth to me.
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