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IF YOU LOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM... WHERE DID YOU FIND IT??

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:16 AM
  • 7 Replies

I've been married for five years now... a mom fo four and unemployed for 14months! I dont like to spend only 3 hours a day with my children and during that time all i am doing in putting a tired effort into retaining some type of order in my house. I Loath the thought of my children getting a majority of thier personality from thier friends and teachers at school...

Then when i do work, my house is a mess i cant find anything, im stressed out and eat take out every other night (in modesty). So here i am, stay at home mom... I love the luxuries i give to my family, but there is no room in my head... or anyone elses to think of me. I moved to louisiana from AZ and I miss it everyday... I realize that the sunlight gave me vitamin D and a positive perspective. Rain makes a sad person miserible right!!! rains at lease three times a week over here, then its winter too, i HATE winter. I've been in this negitive spiral for a few months now and its been getting a lil worse as the weeks go by. So i started looking for a part time , so i can work while my kids are at head-start.I dont want to work in management anymore because of the long hours... so i got a Fitness Trainers Certificate... and cant find a job in either of the two gyms that offer aerobics in town. Im deathly afraid someone is going to offer me like 10$ an hou r somewhere. im only looking to work 30 hours a week i might as well pay them to employ me!  

Right now my husband is my only friend... Seems that the women in louisiana are either clique-ish, have only their own family as means of friendship interaction, or just deal with not having friends because they have so much family... so its hard to be out here without real friends... when i have 4 besties back at home!!!

With my husband being my only friend... I eat his every critique!!! good or "constuctive" and I have now suddenly realized just how long this unimportant feeling has been wollowing in my head. I think i had maybe 2 birthday parties i can remember, i never had a wedding, NOR a purposal... ( he just called me his fiancee one day and next thing i know we  are in a courthouse).My husband always tells me how much he loves me, i hear it five times a day AT LEAST when he is home, but its the bad comments that sting lately.  I'm 25 and there has yet to be a moment that i can reminisce to that will allow me to define myself as Substantial.... (of course this is in total disregaurd to my toddlers).I'm not usually a cynical person... but im in the pitts and "the secret" doesnt work fast enough for me anymore..... any POSITIVE advice ladies???

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:16 AM
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Replies (1-7):
romanceparty4u
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:21 AM

Girl, you just have to get mad enough to go find your self esteem again. It will come....let hubby off the hook here. It's not his fault you feel like shit, and it's not yours either. It's your circumstance.

As far as weather goes, it will pass, but since you're not likely to be hitting a tanning bed anytime soon judging from your photo, may I suggest a seasonal affective disorder light?

It's more than just vitamin D you're missing, however you can supplement that orally, everyone I know that has seasonal affective disorder does really well with a SAD lamp.

 

By the way...you're a cute couple.

art.diva
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:28 AM
I'm in a similar situation, and I was feeling pretty low for a while. But I just find things to do that make me happy, even if its just for a few minutes (like reading a good, trashy book), and the little bits of sunshine will eventually brighten your whole day. Remember, all the friends in the world will not make you love yourself. Its something only you can do. Good luck!! ((hugs))

             

jurobelle
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:38 AM

for me it is the love of others that can help. I daydreamed about my funeral... and dreamed that the people that came only came because they wanted to support my hub and kids. My mom would never travel... i dont even think to bury me... the friends i do have, i dont think can afford to travel..... so my husband and children would be the only ones at my funeral to morn me....

????


Quoting art.diva:

I'm in a similar situation, and I was feeling pretty low for a while. But I just find things to do that make me happy, even if its just for a few minutes (like reading a good, trashy book), and the little bits of sunshine will eventually brighten your whole day. Remember, all the friends in the world will not make you love yourself. Its something only you can do. Good luck!! ((hugs))


latinagrl3526
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:39 AM

 I lost my self-esteem for a while a short time after I got married. I tried venting to my husband, but he told me I had a "poor me" problem. I was hurt when he said it, but it woke me up. I realized that I am responsible for my own misery... or happiness. I worked really hard at discovering those things that made ME happy and those became priority. I took on the attitude that if I'm miserable and empty, I can't contribute anything good to anyone else. I have pretty high self esteem now (and have for the last few years). My husband sometimes whines that I'm big-headed...however, his insecurities are no more my problem than my self esteem was his problem. ;o)

romanceparty4u
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:54 AM

You would be surprised at who will turn up to mourn you at your funeral. My parents were kind of "mean people" that didn't seem to have many friends. Both funerals packed the house....and it was only a small handful of people that were there to support the remaining relatives. My cousin drove 9 hours through downtown Chicago traffic to see a man off that he hadn't seen in 30 years. In fact, I had to be introduced to my own cousin, because after 30 years, I didn't recognize him.

It's your attitude---you FEEL this way, but it doesn't necessarily make it the truth dear.

Vitamin D supplement

Workout daily

Get a SAD lamp.

Maybe this would be a good time to "start your own business". It has done wonders for my self esteem. I get recognition for the things I achieve. Look into that-----maybe you can be a personal coach for those people that are unable or unwilling to go to a conventional gym.

Quoting jurobelle:

for me it is the love of others that can help. I daydreamed about my funeral... and dreamed that the people that came only came because they wanted to support my hub and kids. My mom would never travel... i dont even think to bury me... the friends i do have, i dont think can afford to travel..... so my husband and children would be the only ones at my funeral to morn me....

????

 

Quoting art.diva:

I'm in a similar situation, and I was feeling pretty low for a while. But I just find things to do that make me happy, even if its just for a few minutes (like reading a good, trashy book), and the little bits of sunshine will eventually brighten your whole day. Remember, all the friends in the world will not make you love yourself. Its something only you can do. Good luck!! ((hugs))

 


AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:57 AM

Oprah pitched this idea years ago and i still do it - really helps me from getting cynical... at the end of each day write 5 things that happened that you are thankful for.... and for you - you need to give yourself 3 compliments of things you did well each day.... if you cannot get it from other people -give it to yourself.    why not volunteer at headstart to help your kids and influence them more.

Tracys2
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:27 PM

It might be worthwhile to take a depression inventory. It's hard to say if you have SAD issues or depression too. Big life changes (marriage, kids, work issues) can cause that. Sometimes, you can do some of the things suggested here (SAD lamps sound particularly good and some insurance will buy them), and sometimes you can be snapped out of it if it's not too bad or it's the right time for you. But sometimes, it's a chemical issue and you can do all the thankfulness exercises out there and it won't help.

Personally, the switch from "the smart woman at work who is fun to go to lunch with and can fix anything or do anything with the database" to "that SAHM, she can't help". It was really hard for me, and I didn't realise it at first. I can tell myself nice things about me but I won't believe them. Then, I found something to do that allowed me to feel smart and useful, and it did help (doing work at the church at bedtime- churches and volunteer organisations can allow you to help and be important too). Talking to someone not my husband helped, too.  But I still have times I feel I am invisible and useless except as a maid and child-feeder. Some people can really only truly heal through medicine, SAD lights, etc.

Good luck!

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