Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

your experience - stillborn or miscarriage

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:45 AM
  • 16 Replies

I am trying to prepare myself for this as much as possible.  To make a long story short. 

I have/had something called TTTS.  Basically I had identical twins sharing the same placenta.  One took everything and left the other with nothing.  It wasn't caught early enough and the gap was too far in their development.  I ended up loosing baby #2 at 21 weeks. 

However since they share the same placental baby #2 will still be there.  My OB says it will be delivered with the placental and look like a very large blood clot most likely. 

I can tell myself now that I have grieved and I am okay with it, but I have no idea what to expect emotionally from myself when it actually comes down to having baby #1 safe in my arms and delivering the placental with my lost baby. 

My dh and I have differing views.  While he respects my belief that that baby was alive and I feel for it's loss he does not feel the same way.  He doesn't believe until life until birth.  I know sounds cruel to some but he is really a good man and I love him very much.

How did you cope with your loss?

I sometimes come off mean/rude, please don't be offended I really am trying to be nice.
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:45 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:51 AM

I'm sorry you're going through this :( here's a bump

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:53 AM

I am so sorry for your loss. 

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:55 AM

I lost my baby girl at 26 weeks and had to deliver her name her  and bury her. The only thing that got me thru was my DD who was 1 i wanted to hold her right away They brought her to me and I just held her and cried for hours it seemed.

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 2:58 AM

I am sorry for your loss. But I am no help so here is a bump.

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:01 AM
I'm sorry mama! * hugs*

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:02 AM

I am so sorry for your loss, doll; I've been through this and I wouldn't wish it on anybody ever.  I have two losses, my first a textbook miscarriage, and my second, a baby boy delivered stillborn due to my having an incompetent cervix.  I took several weeks off work both times, and cried for days and days.  Nothing really helped much to "move on" per say, just time passing.  It took months to be able to stop blaming myself, and feeling so guilty and hopeless all the time.  I don't know if anything can really prepare you; with my second loss, I spent two days waiting to deliver the baby I'd already lost, so I know how it feels to have no clue what you're in for, only that it's going to hurt.  With both of our losses, my husband didn't break like I did.  He mostly just took care of me, and was there for what I needed.  I think part of that is because he hadn't bonded with the little ones like I had; from the moment you know you're pregnant, women immediately bond with the child whereas men tend to bond with them much later.

The best advice I can offer is to allow yourself to grieve, and whether or not your husband feels the same as you do about your loss, don't try to hold yourself in.  Also, check with your hospital or doctor about local miscarriage/pregnancy loss support groups.  In my area, there's a group called ShareParent that acts as a support group for parents and their families who have suffered a loss due to miscarriage, stillborn, or other child loss.  It actually has been somewhat theraputic for me to attend some of the things they offer.

by faith on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:02 AM

hugs I would feel as if I was delivering two precious babies...happy that I one was alright and sad that one had become an angel too soon. That day will be difficult for you filled with both joy and sorrow.If it is possible you may want to take pictures of the little one who didn't survive,even if you don't think right now that you want them you may sometime later.Have footprints done if they are able to,a lock of hair....memories of your angel baby to hold in your heart. Then celebrate the sweet little one who is in your arms as well as your heart.

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:04 AM
:'0( HUGS!!!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:14 AM

Oh honey... I'm so sorry.

Our first daughter was conceived on Clomid after 7 years of IF. She was stillborn at 36 weeks due to Gestational Diabetes inhibiting her growth. We found out she was gone when she wasn't moving when I woke up. I tried all the normal tricks and then called my OB. They sent me straight to L&D where we found out that she was already gone. I was immediately induced, but my body was not ready for labor and I never progressed past 1 cm. After 3 days of induction, my body began shutting down and I had to have an emergency c-section. When they performed my c-section they found out that due to her body deteriorating inside mine I had a uterine infection that was spreading through my system.

We were able to hold her and say goodbye for a long time. All of our nurses had all had miscarriages or a stillborn so they were so compassionate. They dressed her up, gave us a piece of her hair, etc.. A local funeral home cremated Kahlan for free.

I went into a serious depression for a long time. Unfortunately, due to the infection I was in the hospital for over a week. All I wanted to do was grieve in the privacy of my own home. I am a very religious person so my Faith brought me through it. Dh and I prayed together, read the Bible together and he took care of me while I was healing from surgery and the infection. It took me about 6 months to fully heal physically from the infection..I had a scar and no baby to show for it after all of those years of fighting was one thing after another in my mind. I was incapable of what should have been second nature to me as a woman. Dh loved me through it all. We grew stronger.

It is going to be hard. Grieve that loss. It is natural to do so.

Again, I'm so very sorry...



by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:20 AM
I'm sorry momma! I have never had a miscariage or stillborn but I have lost a child at the age of 16 months old. I'm not sure what to say knowing I'm still grieving. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)