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how do you deal with it?

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:24 AM
  • 9 Replies

my kids father and i had been together for a long time but he didn't live with us this past year we moved up to be closer to him (he's in school and this was an hour away from my family and friends) well DD finally got a good relationship with him. he doesn't know how to be a family man or a bf so i ended it 2 days ago. well DD asks for him everyday and next month i'm moving back i still dont know anyone here and it's worse here someone was killed by the park i bring DD to. like a block from my house.

how do you deal with trying to get over him, trying to not be mean to him, not cry in front of the kids, and dealing with your 2 year old wanting her daddy all the time??

my kids are 2 and 4 months

by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:24 AM
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Replies (1-9):
raegansmom
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:26 AM

I have no idea.  Here's a {{HUG}} and a bump though!

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:27 AM

bump sorry I have no experience in this

.kk.
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:29 AM

You remind yourself that your kids do not deserve to hear bad things said about their parent.

If you need to cry, cry. Try not to do it too much around your kids. Put them to bed early and then go cry and scream into your pillow.

Being angry at him....that is a tough one. But if you remain angry, you will just get bitter and depressed and everything will seem worse than it is.

Just when I think I'm over my anger, something reminds me of what a loser my ex is.

But more often than not, I remind myself that his problems are HIS problems. Do not carry his burdens for him. If he can't man up and be a father, there is something wrong with HIM. Pity him. Because he has two beautiful kids and if that isn't enough motivation to get your act together, then I can't even be angry with you because you're pathetic.

.kk.
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:30 AM

Also, taking some time to reflect on the fact that we made our own choices also. We had kids with these losers. Recognize that on some level, you are angry with yourself. I found that taking responsibility for my own actions has helped a lot. It made me realize that I have no power or control over what he does, only my own actions.

bluebunbun
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:31 AM

thanks for the e-hug and the bump

Quoting raegansmom:

I have no idea.  Here's a {{HUG}} and a bump though!


bluebunbun
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:36 AM

thank you i am soo happy i never said anything bad about him around dd not even to him and because of that neither has he the break wasn't bad but it showed me how stupid i was to stay this long (he said well i either have a family or i'm alone that's the difference...like really you still have a family they are still yours WTF does that mean we dont live together or anything it barely changes anything i was already thinking about moving back when we were together and he didn't care either way) idk i think he will still try to be a good dad i haven' t cried in front of either of them yet i'm more mad at myself then anything i tried to stay for the kids but if i would have ended it earlier (i was pregnant and didn't want to make a big change while so hormonal) my DD wouldn't be so hurt...

Quoting .kk.:

You remind yourself that your kids do not deserve to hear bad things said about their parent.

If you need to cry, cry. Try not to do it too much around your kids. Put them to bed early and then go cry and scream into your pillow.

Being angry at him....that is a tough one. But if you remain angry, you will just get bitter and depressed and everything will seem worse than it is.

Just when I think I'm over my anger, something reminds me of what a loser my ex is.

But more often than not, I remind myself that his problems are HIS problems. Do not carry his burdens for him. If he can't man up and be a father, there is something wrong with HIM. Pity him. Because he has two beautiful kids and if that isn't enough motivation to get your act together, then I can't even be angry with you because you're pathetic.


bluebunbun
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:37 AM

thanks again

Quoting .kk.:

Also, taking some time to reflect on the fact that we made our own choices also. We had kids with these losers. Recognize that on some level, you are angry with yourself. I found that taking responsibility for my own actions has helped a lot. It made me realize that I have no power or control over what he does, only my own actions.


entropyislove
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:39 AM

 I went through a similar situation a bit ago. DF , our son and i lived together for 2 yrs, but financial strain caused us to move in with my mother... that didnt work out we ended up breaking up and he moved in w his parents. Still lives there but he takes ricky overnight thurs, and fri... at first I would just ignore him and only give my son a hug and kiss and tell him I loved him then leave without saying a word to DF, we ended up making things work, but it was tough for a while.

It is really hard trying to hold things together to be there for your kids when you are an emotional wreck on the inside. Try having your daughter talk on the phone to her dad. Maybe that would help.

bluebunbun
by on Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:49 AM

when he was here yesterday he was really nice like nothing had changed at all dd hasn't noticed the change yet (he cant take her to his place at all he lives in a frat) but now he isn't texting me back like he used to like it'll take him 5 or so hours and said he wasn't sure if he was coming today i just want this to be a gradual change for dd last year he only saw us on the weekend and sometimes he'd miss a weekend that's why i moved up here so they could have a better relationship i hope he doesn't just stop seeing her on the week days before we move.......

Quoting entropyislove:

 I went through a similar situation a bit ago. DF , our son and i lived together for 2 yrs, but financial strain caused us to move in with my mother... that didnt work out we ended up breaking up and he moved in w his parents. Still lives there but he takes ricky overnight thurs, and fri... at first I would just ignore him and only give my son a hug and kiss and tell him I loved him then leave without saying a word to DF, we ended up making things work, but it was tough for a while.

It is really hard trying to hold things together to be there for your kids when you are an emotional wreck on the inside. Try having your daughter talk on the phone to her dad. Maybe that would help.


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