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A Question for Divorced Moms

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:35 PM
  • 7 Replies

 What do you do when your kids don't want to visit their dad? Do you still make them go? My boys stay with their dad every other weekend and when that weekend comes around they tell me they don't want to go. When either I drop them off or my ex picks them up, they always hand on to me and  cry about wanting to stay with me. Do you have any suggestions on how I can deal with this?

Jessica, SIngle Mommy To Dante (12/03/04), Landon (08/09/06) and Aviv (12/18/09)/

by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:35 PM
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Replies (1-7):
LoveMyBlessings
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:45 PM

How old are they?

My son didn't want to go when he was younger. We tried talking it up for a day or two beforehand... we tried making it sound like it was going to be awesome... we tried everything and he didn't want to go. I think it was just an age thing, he was 3-ish. I don't know. He stopped seeing my ex, so I don't know if or when he would have grown out of it. He talked but he wasn't verbal enough at that stage to tell us why he didn't want to go. I really think it was just an age thing, personally.

JessMomToDLA
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:47 PM

 They are 6, 4 and 15 months.

Quoting JessMomToDLA:

 What do you do when your kids don't want to visit their dad? Do you still make them go? My boys stay with their dad every other weekend and when that weekend comes around they tell me they don't want to go. When either I drop them off or my ex picks them up, they always hand on to me and  cry about wanting to stay with me. Do you have any suggestions on how I can deal with this?

 

Jessica, SIngle Mommy To Dante (12/03/04), Landon (08/09/06) and Aviv (12/18/09)/

HeartofGold
by Gold Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:49 PM

 Unfortunately, even though they don't want to go and it tugs at your heartstrings you still have to encourage them to go. Eventually they will get use to it and things will get easier.

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rolliepollie81
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 4:55 PM

My ex lives in a different state. My son always cries when he has to go on the plane and has a really hard first few weeks (he has to go for summers). He's now 7.5 and he's getting to the point where he would rather be with his friends for the summer so he's asking his dad for less and less time out there. He already does not want to go at all but I try and get him to go so he can at least see his sister and grandparents for a few weeks.

LoveMyBlessings
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 5:00 PM

At those ages, the older ones should be able to tell you WHY they don't want to go. Do they have valid reason?

If not, just keep doing your best to talk the weekends up. If they sense any negativity from you, they will play up on it. Be borderline phony if you have to about how much fun they will have, be honest in telling them that their Dad wants to see them and enjoy time with them... be smiley about it. Tell them of course you will miss them (if you think they are worried about what you think, deep down) but it makes you very happy to see them spend time with their dad. Just try your best to talk it up. Does their Dad call during the week and talk about what they will do that coming weekend? Maybe that would help?

JessMomToDLA
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 5:04 PM

 The only reasons I have gotten so far are from my 6 yr old and he says he doesn't like his gf and two of her kids are mean to him. Their dad rarely calls and he only sees them on his weekends. I have been offering him more time with them but he hasn't taken it yet.

Quoting LoveMyBlessings:

At those ages, the older ones should be able to tell you WHY they don't want to go. Do they have valid reason?

If not, just keep doing your best to talk the weekends up. If they sense any negativity from you, they will play up on it. Be borderline phony if you have to about how much fun they will have, be honest in telling them that their Dad wants to see them and enjoy time with them... be smiley about it. Tell them of course you will miss them (if you think they are worried about what you think, deep down) but it makes you very happy to see them spend time with their dad. Just try your best to talk it up. Does their Dad call during the week and talk about what they will do that coming weekend? Maybe that would help?

 

Jessica, SIngle Mommy To Dante (12/03/04), Landon (08/09/06) and Aviv (12/18/09)/

HouseKatof2
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 5:06 PM

Unless there is a legitimate reason (danger, drugs, anger, etc.) you need to treat it like you treat anything the don't like to do. 

If they don't want to pick up their toys do you say "okay, you don't have to"? Probably not. More likely you say something like, "I am sorry you feel that way, but it still needs to happen".

If they don't want to go to bed at bed time, do you allow them to decide to stay up?

I know it sounds simplistic to compare picking up toys & going to bed with visitation with their dad, but it is logical reasoning that you can help them understand.  

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