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having a child and not married.

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:07 PM
  • 120 Replies
Why does it matter if you have a child and not married?

I was going to get married to my sons father but it did not happen. We planned our wedding day for march 29 2011. But he changed after I had my son. He did not want to be a father or be with me. So today I was talking to someone and she could not believe that I had my son when I was not married.
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ml28
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:08 PM

i have 2 kids & not married

mommaslilmen
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:20 PM

i have two kids not married.

SP_Mama
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:28 PM

I had my son before I was married.  He was almost 3 yrs. old before DH and I finally got married.  IMO, it doesn't matter.

BrTupac
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:30 PM

I have 2 kids and a third on the way.  We are not married although someday we will be.

futureshock
by Emerald Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:36 PM


Quoting Jaydons_mommy09:

Why does it matter if you have a child and not married?

I was going to get married to my sons father but it did not happen. We planned our wedding day for march 29 2011. But he changed after I had my son. He did not want to be a father or be with me. So today I was talking to someone and she could not believe that I had my son when I was not married.

I am so shocked that people STILL do not understand what is wrong with this.  REALLY?  You REALLY don't get it?


luv_my_xiya
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:38 PM

doesn't bother me (as I am not married yet)...i knew futureshock would be all over this one

                           

  

futureshock
by Emerald Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:38 PM

Why Illegitimacy is a Social Problem

Why Illegitimacy is a Social Problem

Understanding Illegitimacy

1.72 million out-of-wedlock births amount to an overwhelming catastrophe for taxpayers and society.

The steady growth of childbearing by single women and the general collapse of marriage, especially among the poor, lie at the heart of the mushrooming welfare state. This year, taxpayers will spend over $300 billion providing means-tested welfare aid to single parents. The average single mother receives nearly three dollars in government benefits for each dollar she pays in taxes. These subsidies are funded largely by the heavy taxes paid by higher-income married couples.

America is rapidly becoming a two-caste society, with marriage and education at the dividing line. Children born to married couples with a college education are mostly in the top half of the population; children born to single mothers with high-school degrees or less are mostly in the bottom half.

The disappearance of marriage in low-income communities is the predominant cause of child poverty in the U.S. today. If poor single mothers were married to the fathers of their children, two-thirds of them would not be poor. The absence of a husband and father from the home also is a strong contributing factor to failure in school, crime, drug abuse, emotional disturbance, and a host of other social problems.

Single mothers are inherently in far greater need of government support than married couples, so an increase in single parenthood leads almost inevitably to an increase in government benefits and services and a thriving welfare industry to supply them.

http://blog.heritage.org/2010/04/12/understanding-illegitimacy/

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Broken Homes, Broken Hearts

Karl Zinsmeister of the American Enterprise Institute has said, "There is a mountain of scientific evidence showing that when families disintegrate, children often end up with intellectual, physical and emotional scars that persist for life." He continues, "We talk about the drug crisis, the education crisis, and the problem of teen pregnancy and juvenile crime. But all these ills trace back predominantly to one source: broken families."

Broken homes and broken hearts are not only the reason for so many social problems. They are also the reason for the incumbent economic difficulties we face as a culture. The moral foundation of society erodes as children learn the savage values of the street rather than the civilized values of culture. And government inevitably expands to intervene in family and social crises brought about by the breakdown of the family.

Social commentator Charles Murray believes that "illegitimacy is the single most important social problem of our time--more important than crime, drugs, poverty, illiteracy, welfare or homelessness because it drives everything else." The public costs of illegitimacy are very high. "Children born out of wedlock tend to have high infant mortality, low birth weight (with attendant morbidities), and high probabilities of being poor, not completing school, and staying on welfare themselves. As a matter of public policy, if not of morality, it pays for society to approve of marriage as the best setting for children, and to discourage having children out of wedlock."

In her famous article in Atlantic Monthly entitled "Dan Quayle Was Right," Barbara Dafoe Whitehead warned Americans of the cost of ignoring the breakdown of the family:

    If we fail to come to terms with the relationship between family structure and declining child well-being, then it will be increasingly difficult to improve children's life prospects, no matter how many new programs the federal government funds. Nor will we be able to make progress in bettering school performance or reducing crime or improving the quality of the nation's future work force--all domestic problems closely connected to family breakup. Worse, we may contribute to the problem by pursuing policies that actually increase family instability and breakup.

[T]he evidence from social-science research is coming in: The dissolution of two-parent families, though it may benefit the adults involved, is harmful to many children, and dramatically undermines our society."

http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/broken.html
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The Real Welfare Problem Is Illegitimacy
Heather Mac Donald

Illegitimacy is the greatest cause of long-term poverty in this country; unless it comes down, the poverty rate won't, either. While some welfare mothers will thrive under the new welfare-to-work regime and will succeed in creating a stable home for their children, the majority will drift in and out of low-paid work for the rest of their lives, futilely seeking the grail of a permanent, "living-wage" job.

But the most pressing goal for welfare reform is ensuring the welfare of the children. While having an illegitimate child often dooms the mother to a life of poverty, illegitimacy may doom her child to far worse. Prisons, foster-care homes, and homeless shelters teem with fatherless children.

An unwed teen's baby is three times more likely to fail at school, three times more likely to commit suicide, and from 20 to 33 times more likely to suffer child abuse than are the children of low-income married parents. His prospects in later life are just as grim: 70 percent of long-term prisoners, 60 percent of rapists, and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder grew up without fathers. The risks to children living outside a two-parent home go beyond social failure, as witness New York City's never-ending cortege of tiny coffins containing children beaten, suffocated, and scalded by their mothers' boyfriends.

No urban reform could have a greater effect, if successful, than attacking the culture of single parenthood.

http://www.city-journal.org/html/8_1_a1.html
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Single Mothers And The Illegitimacy They Bring

America Keeps Encouraging The Biggest Social Problem To Get Bigger
By Herb Denenberg, The Bulletin
Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The eminent social scientist Charles Murray says, “Illegitimacy is the single most important social problem of our time — more important than crime, drugs, poverty, illiteracy, welfare or homelessness because it drives everything else.”

“Seventy-two percent of juvenile murderers and 60 percent of rapists come from single-mother homes. Seventy percent of teenage births, dropouts, suicides, runaways, juvenile delinquents, and child murderers involve children raised by single mothers. Girls raised without fathers are more sexually promiscuous and more likely to end up divorced. A 1990 study by the Progressive Policy Institute showed that after controlling for single motherhood, the difference between black and white crime rates disappeared.”

A British journalist Martin Newland in Maclean’s magazine wrote, “Increasingly, but belatedly, politicians are beginning to identify the decline of marriage and the family as the major cause of … social dysfunctions including ill health, crime, rampant promiscuity and welfare dependency.”

A 2008 study led by Georgia State University economist Benjamin Scafidi found that single mothers — unwed or divorced — cost the U.S. taxpayer $112 billion every year. That estimate doesn’t include the huge expenditure of law enforcement resources in dealing with the behavior flowing from single motherhood.


http://thebulletin.us/articles/2009/04/08/herb_denenberg/doc49dc278e8e4ff020049158.txt
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$112-billion: What Divorce and Illegitimacy Costs the Taxpayer
Sunday, June 29, 2008
By David R. Usher

The Institute for American Values (IAV) has issued a major report titled “The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing“, conservatively estimating the cost to taxpayers at $112 billion.

This is a very conservative estimate because it either understates or does not include federal expenditures driving decisions to not marry or to have children for profit. Programs that stimulate marriage-absence include Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF), and programs that are widely abused to abort marriage such as the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), and the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA).

It is estimated that three-quarters of our massive national health care insurance problem would go away if mothers simply married the fathers of their children.


http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/06/29/112-billion-what-divorce-and-illegitimacy-costs-the-taxpayer/
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Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem.

Evidence abounds that fatherlessness correlates very highly with poverty, criminal behavior, and myriad other social dysfunctions.

Fatherlessness is...the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is also the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse and to domestic violence against women."

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Fatherless+America:+Confronting+Our+Most+Urgent+Social+Problem.-a017380722
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sara_3388
by Platinum Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:39 PM

I had 2 kids before i was married.

GonnaBMom
by Miss.Fortune on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:39 PM

Just waiting on out of wedlock baby bashers now any minute..

mamacam7
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:40 PM

 I don't think it matters. As long as you are able to care for your child.

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