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I don't know if I want her father at her first birthday party!! Please no bashing!**Update****Update again with message I sent him****Last update**

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:33 PM
  • 163 Replies

This is follow up to this post.<---Click here.


After 3 and 1/2 months DD's father text me tonight stating he is in VA and wants to see DD.  I told him that this week and weekend are really busy, but I would get in touch with him next week to arrange meeting some where between my house and where he is for a day for him to see her.  This way his sister can't just inite herself and because I just don't want him in my home right now.

So here is my delema now.  I'm now unsure about the whole birthday party rhing.  A part of me feels I should invite him, and part of me still feels he doesn't deserve to be there because of his lack of interest in DD since she was born (he's seen her 4 times in her life), and has never done anything for her.  I'm kind of worried that he'll be there, be in pictures, than end up disappearing for the rest of her life so when she looks at pictures later she'll  wonder why he was there once than never again.  I have thought about telling him he needs to decide if he's going to be a permenant part of her life or not now.  If he says no than I won't waste the invite or even schedule the visit next week.  I dont know what to do.  What would you do or have you done if you were in this situation?  Please help me here ladies and please leave the bashing for some one else, I'm mixed up enough about this.

**Update**

I just spent the last 45 minutes getting torn apart by his sister for not inviting him to the birthday party.  That it's my fault he chooses his friends over DD and that I'm not allowed to be angry about him putting everything and everyone ahead of DD in his life.  The fact that he just contacted me for the first time in months should be good enough to allow him to do as he pleases and that he deserves to be there.  I have no right to think or feel otherwise.  It has been awhile since some one has torn me down like that, but I did end up inviting him, against my better judgement, to shut her up.  I was looking forward to DD's birthday party, now I just want to cancel it and forget about this whole mess.  I won't do that to her though.

**Update 2**

I sent him the below message on Facebook.

What's best for DD:

It's really time for you to decide if you're going to be a permanent member of DD's life or not.  The back and forth is really not healthy for her at all.  In DDs' best interest you cannot have both.  This situation requires a one or the either.  Being a permanent part of her life means making an effort on your part.  If you want to be her dad than be her dad.  If you don't , it really is in her best interest to walk away now.  She has been too young to this point to realize if you're around at all or not, but as she is growing she is becoming more aware of her surroundings and what is going on in her life.  She's starting to recognize who is there and who isn't.  It won't be long before she realizes that you're there once every couple of months to a year and then you disappear again.  If you do not truly want to be a part of her life than say so now so that she doesn't have that bond and there is no chance for her to build that bond with you. 

If you do truly want to be in her life than it is really time to put the effort forth.   This includes phone calls/text messages/Facebook messages asking how she is, checking up, whatever the case may be.  It also means making the arrangements to spend time with her.  Remembering that she is far more important than spending time with friends.  These times with her you can never replace.

At this time, until you've made this decision it may be in DD's best interest that you do not assume the title of dad.  For her best interest attaching dad to someone unsure of where they want to be in her life is not fair.  A dad is more than DNA and a title.

**Update again**

I just received a message back from him stating his is not able to come due to training this weekend.  This means his sister openned her big mouth for nothing and started crap without speaking to him first.  Had she talked to him she would have known what was going on and never said anything.  I hate that crap.

BTW LADIES!  NO NAME CALLING NEEDED SO PLEASE STOP NOW!!




baby girlteen boy

Ariel Beth               Max

my baby girl!        my 18 year old brother that is college bound.


by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kristy0833
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:35 PM

 id invite him.. what if he does want to make up for being gone?? and you can always photoshop him out of pics :)

abstractmommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:37 PM

Well I think you should just let him come into her life whenever it's convenient for him. I mean, he's a busy guy. You need to think about HIS feelings and not using your daughter as a pawn in your sick game of chess.

jkleinman
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:38 PM

HAHA!!  And you real response would be?

Quoting abstractmommy:

Well I think you should just let him come into her life whenever it's convenient for him. I mean, he's a busy guy. You need to think about HIS feelings and not using your daughter as a pawn in your sick game of chess.




baby girlteen boy

Ariel Beth               Max

my baby girl!        my 18 year old brother that is college bound.


andreamarie
by Gold Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:40 PM
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LoveMyLos
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:40 PM

 honestly, i would tellhim to shit or get odd the pot! she is a human being, not a when i feel like playing with it, toy! he either need to be there all the time, or not at all. and i would tell him exactly that. depending on his answer, then worry about the bday party. i hate guys who do that shit to their kids. its not fair to them, and its not fair to you. why should you drop your day b/c he wants to dick around? ask him straight up now...and whats they sister got to do with it? i would just tell her to mind her own damn busness. tell her its up to the ex to decide whether or not the sister sees your kid. ya know? put the ball in his court, and leave it until he decides....good luck!

abstractmommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:42 PM

I would CALL him and ask him that very question. Is he planning on sticking around this time. And tell him, if he says yes, there are no more "chances" after this because you are done with chances.

And at that point, if he gets it, then invite him.

Quoting jkleinman:

HAHA!!  And you real response would be?

Quoting abstractmommy:

Well I think you should just let him come into her life whenever it's convenient for him. I mean, he's a busy guy. You need to think about HIS feelings and not using your daughter as a pawn in your sick game of chess.



Memigen
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:43 PM

I think you have th eperfect idea in asking him if he is going to be a permanentpart of her life or not.   If he isn't planning on it, then he can visit other times.

Personally, I wouldn't want his presence ruining the day.

Good luck.

jkleinman
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:44 PM

She's a headache and a half.  He's only seen DD once without his sister there.  She has tried to inject herself into the middle of this situation from the start.  The only reason she's really seen DD for the last year is because of me anf I'm about to put a stop to it for the crap she's pulled recently.

Quoting LoveMyLos:

 honestly, i would tellhim to shit or get odd the pot! she is a human being, not a when i feel like playing with it, toy! he either need to be there all the time, or not at all. and i would tell him exactly that. depending on his answer, then worry about the bday party. i hate guys who do that shit to their kids. its not fair to them, and its not fair to you. why should you drop your day b/c he wants to dick around? ask him straight up now...and whats they sister got to do with it? i would just tell her to mind her own damn busness. tell her its up to the ex to decide whether or not the sister sees your kid. ya know? put the ball in his court, and leave it until he decides....good luck!




baby girlteen boy

Ariel Beth               Max

my baby girl!        my 18 year old brother that is college bound.


nikieis
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:46 PM
I would just flat out ask him what his plans are regarding a relationship with her...then go from there for the party..i would also make it clear that u are not going to allow him to dick u around or your dd around anymore....he needs to figure it out or move on. Good luck
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cherieb10
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:47 PM

 I wouldn't invite him. I think it would be too much tension. If he wants to be at her party, he can give her one.

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