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Need feedback 16 year old daughter

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 1:39 PM
  • 28 Replies
To the point....daughter 16 years old told me last night that for the last year and a half she has been experiencing severe depression and suicidal thoughts.  I'm making an appointment with a psych for her next week.  I see a psych also.  I noticed changes, I'm not a fool.  I chalked it up to puberty and teenage crap we all have to go through.  I was down on my knees last night thanking God that she opened up to me.  I love her more than life itself.  I wish like any other mom that I could wave a magic wand and make her life perfect and wonderful.  Dear God, my heart is braking here.  I'm going to check into any teen depression groups in my area for her to attend.  I really don't want her to get on any meds if at all possible but if that's what's needed that's what we will do.  I have a son also........he's doing ok right now.  I just needed to share about my daughter for now.  Please, invite me as a friend if you have similar issues.  Thank you
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 1:39 PM
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by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 1:53 PM
I sure hope everything works out for your daughter. Teenage years are so hard to go through but I guess everyone has to.  I have a step daughter who is 20 now but she went through more of a rebellious stage than a depressive stage.  There were problems but we talked a lot and things worked out.  My prayers are with you.
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 1:59 PM
The first thing you must ask her and this is very  importaint: 
1- does she have a plan on killing herself?  If she says yes ask her what they are and why did she choose this route? Then the next thing you are going to do is take her to the nearest hospital and have her evaluated by a Professional.
-when people are ready to committ suicide they will open up and tell you their plan.  They will begin to give their personal posessions away.  If she has done that DO NOT WAIT for next week but have her admitted immediatly this is very serious business!!!
2- if your daughter says no she does not have a plan just be open with her and tell her how your battling depression and you can understand what she is going through, tell her she is not alone and that you will be by her side throughout everything.  Tell her to promise you if she feels she wants to kill herself she has to tell you first this is an agreement between the two of you and nonone else will know. (If you make a pack like this if she decides to do it she will tell you so you have time to react.

I hope this will help you, let me know how it goes.
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 2:12 PM

that is great that your daughter opened up to you.  that is the 1st step for her.  she is probably scared of the thoughts that she has been having, but that is good that it scared her, it made it so she needed her mom to make her feel better.  i know you say you dont want meds but dont rule it out.  they work so well for teenagers, i see it all the time in my occupation.  i have a 15 year old step-daughter that is clinically depressed and i was the one who finally had to say something, not her biological family,but me....she is getting the much needed help by counseling and soon to a therapist. good luck with it all, talk to her everyday and just ask her how she feels.  In teenagers, sometimes just showing the care and concern is what they need :)

by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 2:43 PM

I rememeber the dreaded teenage years. I was never suicidal, but that can be a real rollercoaser of emotions. My suggestion to you is to take this opportunity to talk to your daughter. She's reaching out to you. Share with her what you're going through and let her know that she can trust you and talk to you about what she's going through without you passing judgement or riduculing her. My mom was treated for depression when I was her age, and she was always open about it with me. I was the one who told her I thought she needed the help.
But really, before you have her talk to a stranger, try talking to her yourself. Sometimes having mom be there as not just mom, but a bestfriend can make a HUGE difference.
Please keep us all posted on how things are going!

by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 2:48 PM

Hey there -

I'm so sorry to hear about that.  I have an almost 16 year old daughter myself and it's very scary to hear that they could even contemplate something like that.  It sounds, though, thankfully, that you have a very close, open and loving relationship with her or she would never have come to you with this.  That alone is a huge step forward for her.  It could have saved her life.  It's a very scary thing, of course, to hear, but now that you know what's going on you can take the proper steps forward to help take care of her.  Stay strong, keep the faith, keep your lines of communication open, and we are always hear to listen.  You have friends.  Take care.  I'm always hear to listen if you need to talk.
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 2:50 PM
Good for you for taking action!  Keep talking with her until the appointment.  She may get annoyed, but better annoyed and alive than an alternative.  Maybe until then, ask her school counselor to meet with her.  I was a high school counselor prior to being a SAHM.  I would have gladly met with a student until they could get into a clinical counselor.  That may also give you a sense of the immediacy of the suicidal thoughts.  I hope all goes well and that she likes the counselor and opens up to him/her.
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 2:59 PM
Just want to wish your daughter luck. Let her know she is loved and she is a beatiful person. try and find a group where she can talk to people and share her feelings that might help her. Goodluck and even thow i don't know you well I will pray that everything goes good.
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 3:11 PM
Hi!  I am in my 50s now but as a teenager I was very depressed and suicidal.  I would first go to your family physician as I have since found out (they didn't know so much about these things back then) that my depression was physiologic.  A Psychiatrist should be able to figure this out as he is also a medical Doctor, but not always...  Anyway, if you have a really good pastor, or mentor at church--that helped me, but some who really didn't understand hurt me.... Also my mom would tell me that she knew God had a plan for me.  That this wasn't the end of my life, that there was a future ahead without the blackness, that things would get better.  Her encouragement more than anything else got me past it.  Take your daughter someplace special and tell her about her birth, (or adoption) how wanted she was, how important she is to you and others, let her cry and vent, encourage, encourage, encourage!  Let her know that others have been where she is and came out on the other side!
That something wants to rob her of wonderful things to come, you of her, and the world or a beautiful life that has much to offer!
I hope this helps.  It comes from a heart that cares and has been there!
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 3:15 PM
I am so sorry that your daughter is having so many issues with depression right now, I am sure that is really scary! I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't... I wish I could help!
If you have not already been to them, we do have a few teen groups here that might help you a little, here they are, just in case!

Moms of Teens--
This one was one I think I recommended to you in your last post, but it is a good group
Moms of teenagers
momsbaware-- this one is for moms with teens that are dealing with extream issues with them

I hope that your daughter is ok, I am so glad that she could talk to you about this!
by on Apr. 21, 2007 at 3:16 PM
you need to distinguish if this is an emergent situation or not...find out if she has an actual plan for suicide ...or just ideation...if she has an actual plan she needs to be assessed immediately as opposed to waiting for the psych appt.
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