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Leaving DF, but I need a shove

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:51 AM
  • 25 Replies

I'll put a little BG.

DF and I were together for a few months before I got pregnant. Once I was pregnant we moved in together.(3000 miles away from any of my closest friends or family) Automatically I was pushed into being a mom for DSS. During the whole pregnancy DF worked, stayed out all night gambling and drinking until any where from 12am - 5 am. Like an idiot I let it go. I almost went into preterm labor around 27 weeks and I was told it was my fault. Never mind that he didn't help me with jack shit. I was the only one caring for his son, bringing 2 loads of laundry up a flight of stairs, cooking, taking DSS to every single game, pratice, tutoring, dancing and to random functions of his, etc. (DF didn't bring DS to anything until DD was born) Fast forward to having DD. Mere hours after having a baby bust out of my vagina I had to take pictures of him and her together. I got to hold her once. The nurses wisked her off and I didn;t get to see her until a few hours after. DF never asked me how I feel, no baby we did, she was beatufil, I am so grateful for you nearly dying to give me a baby, NOTHING. Once in the recovery room he made me take picturesof them again while he hogged her and refused to let me hold her. The only time I was able to hold her was when he fell asleep and he wouldn't try to fight me for her. The next evening we go hom and as soon as I walked in I had to fold 3 loads of laundry because he did not do it. From ages 2 days until she was 11 months old he would tell me " Why do you always wait until the last fucking minute to tell me to make a damn bottle when I am fucking comfortable in bed." He never once got up with her in the middle of the night to this day. He has never helped me with DD, DSS, or the household.

So needless to say our relationship has been rocky at the least. I have tried to make it work. I have told him point blank I am not happy with him and I no longer have feelings for him. He still thinks it's ok to go out, gamble, and drink every weekend. I tried to suck it up, but stick a fork in me I am fucking done. I have threatened to leave and begged him to change with zero result. In the middle of March I went for a visit with my family. It was suppose to be a short visit. During this visit I told him if he quits drinking and going out then DD and I will come back. not even 2 whole days after I said that he said he drank. That is when my give-a-fuck-o-meter died. He does the shit like he doesn't give a fuck about our relationship/family. I am still with my family in the south while he is in the north. I have a job. I have not told anyone in my family besides my aunt that I plan on leaving DF. MY aunt tells me she will support me 100%. I know my mom will too, but I do not want to sound like a failure. 

Recently I told DF I have no plans of coming back. I told him the damage has been done to our relationship and I rather be single then be with him. He then proceeds to act like he didn't hear me. He then goes on about how he found a marriage counseulor.(I told him to find one when I thought I was going back the end of may) I just do not want this relationship anymore. I put in enough effort and I got nothing back besides my wonderful DD and DSS. My DD and I deserve to be happy and loved. DD deserved a father who actually wants to be in her life and will love her unconditionally. 

So I need to figure how to go about this properly. I don't know how to break it to DS. Should I just let DF do it ? DD is still kinds young, 19 months, so I don't think there is much to tell since she is already use to not having him around. How do I get DF to back off ? He is coming down here in july for 2 weeks. He thinks I'm playing around about not coming back with him.How do I get him to take it seriously? I have even stopped wearing my ring for around 3 weeks now. DD and I have nothing there that we need besides my BC and our SS cards which could be easily replaced or I could talk him into bringing it down here. How do I break it to my family ? I just need guidelines of how to handle this. My family is Asian so the communications lines aren't exactly the best. thanks for whatever tidbits you can give.

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Zawifey
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:54 AM

I have no idea, I have never been there, but I do wish you the best for you and your baby!

NiNio9
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:55 AM

Thank you 

Sparkey6987
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:04 AM
Bump
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Bits08
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:07 AM

Bump

yabbadabba07
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:08 AM

bump

LexsMami
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:12 AM

 Best wishes girl!!!!! I had to cut and run...no discussion, so Idk.

Jaydons_mommy09
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:13 AM
U JUST NEED TO HONEST TO EVERYONE. I left my sons father we were together for 4 years.
Nay26
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:13 AM

BUMP!

Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:15 AM

Wow ............good luck Darlin

One piece of advice..............DO NOT LET DH TAKE THAT BABY ANYWHERE/DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE WITH HIM FOR A SPLIT SECOND.......HE CAN TAKE HER AND LEAVE THE STATE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Matter of fact If you have been in that state long enough to claim residency....If I was you ......I would go and file for a petition for full and sole custody of your DD before he gets there

3littlemunkees
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:16 AM

Wow what an ass! I think you have gone above and beyond, you deserve to be happy too. He sounds like he gave up a long time ago when he started going out and acting like you are his nanny. I wouldn't know what to tell you exactly except make sure you go over all your legal mumbo jumbo surrounding the rights you have to your daughter and get everything in writing so he doesn't try to pull any BS threats of taking her from you. Then I would just get on with my life like he's a chapter in my book that is over and done with move on and up in my opinion. I commend you for having the good sense to call it quits. Good luck mama =)

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