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I finally sat down with my hubby and had a very serious talk. (update...)

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:43 AM
  • 105 Replies

 I have been on here and posted once or twice about him. He can be extremely mean/rude and most times for no apparent reason. But,here lately he says that the problems have been all my fault. I have to admit that I've not been as attentive to him as I should be....we haven't really been having sex or talking the way we used to. I just can't get him to understand that when he is being mean and/or rude I can't bring myself to want anything to do with him.

  He never says thank you for anything. I can have worked graveyard the night before, came home put supper in the crockpot/started a load of laundry and gotten the dishes from  the night before washed. And when I get up to get ready for work he will say something like..."When you put supper in the crockpot,you should have not put in so many/much ---." Instead of saying  "Thank you for having dinner made so I wouldn't have to deal with it."

 It's like he expects to be waited on hand and foot without him ever having to do anything to deserve it,kwim? He sees nothing wrong with being an a$$ if I/we buy him something for his b-day/father's day that he decides he doesn't like.And he always asks, "What, you want me to lie and say I like it even if I never intend to use it?" And yes, I would actually rather he lied than hurt my kids' feelings!

  Anyhow,he doesn't believe me when I tell him that part of the reason I no longer want to touch him/be around him is because I find it very hard to be arroused or even WANT to be arroused when he behaves like a caveman. So,he told me to come on here and have you guys tell him what you think also. Have at it mommas...beat some sense into him.


  Ladies,you won't believe this...I almost didn't! My hubby had been very quiet after he read some of your replies. He asked me tonight if I would be willing to go to counseling and he told me he was sorry. That he really didn't think he was doing anything "wrong". Thank you guys so much.

 Maybe things will finally get better. smile mini






Thought for the day :


 Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible that way.

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
epoh
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:48 AM
I think you need to be straight forward.

I had this problem with my kids' dad. He expected everything to be done for him. I was pregnant, working full time, preparing all the meals, tending house, paying bills, etc etc. He sat around, watched tv, didnt shower, and still expected sex.

I gave him what he wanted and it didn't fix anything. I left him shortly after. Sex is not the answer.

I'd lay it out, and have him do the same.

Ive read something on here about discovering your love language. I'd google it and check it out. You may learn a lot about each other and how expressing your love in a way that's appealing to your mate may help communication.
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mommywife06
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:52 AM
I dealt with this with my husband. It sucks. I love him and for him to treat me like that I hated it. We barely spoke words to each other. We had a talk also and he apologized and told me he did appreciate everything I do we are better than ever. He needs to understand we function different than men. We have an extra set of emotions. We can't just suck it up as easily as they can. We are sensitive and need a little extra niceness.
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sam12796
by Sandy on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:53 AM

He is being very inconsiderate to you. You are working just as hard if not harder because after work your job isn't ending. I work 50 hours a week running a business and have 2 toddlers. WE split all the house hold chores and he tells me everyday how much he appreciates all that I do. He also reminds me that he could never do what I do.

kenzelb
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:54 AM
he is taking you for granit and he needs to stop. if he doesnt start treating you right SOMEDAY a guy will come along that will treat you right and he (your husband) will be on the outside wondering how/what went wrong.
BrownEyedGirl86
by Platinum Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:57 AM

 i think he shoudl be appreciative of all you do b/c you WANT to do it for him...but if he isn't appreciative I am sure that you will get a lot more you want done if you quit doing what you do do.

 

my suggestion since he doesnt see that he is doing it -- when he does it just tell him....you are doing it now....or a thank you babe but next time yadda yadda yadda....if that doesn't work i am sorry i would loose it and critisize everything he does then and see how he likes it

and making my kids feel like crap for getting him something - no freaking way that is an ass move straight up....next time i would buy the kids somethign with the money i saved for him if he wasn't greatful!

CheshireCat420
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:57 AM
I had the same issue. My husband was awesome when we first got together, then we got married and he gradually started being a dick. Then after his mother passed it got worse. He was rude, especially in front of his friends. And he still expected sex like even with his behavior he deserved it. I finally told him I wasn't happy and by him being an ass it definitely made it difficult to want to be intimate with him. If he wanted sex he was going to have to try and revert back to how he was in the beginning. He has since then worked on himself and has gotten 99% better. He still has his moments, but now I just tell him look go take a time out then come talk to me. And he understands.

Just don't let it persist. I let it go on long enough that I was considering separation, something I said I'd never ever do.

I hope everything works out for y'all, and I wish you the best.
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ElleDiem
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:04 AM

Dude- snap the hell out of it!

I get it, you're a man. Scratch your balls, don't shower, play video games... whatever. We women do understand. Really.

But when your wife married you, nowhere in her vows did it say that she is here to SERVE you! She is not your maid. She is not a prostitute. She is not your own personal fucking chef. She is not your personal shopper.

Your family does NOT have to respect you OR care for you enough to buy you shit... so when they do, feel lucky. It sounds like you DON'T DESERVE IT! Good for you that they still care enough to try!

There is no sense in acting like an asshole to your wife for no reason! OF COURSE she doesn't want to have sex with you... duh?! You're being an idiot! Your wife gave you children. She gave up her body to provide you with a family.

Show some goddamn respect!

good luck

 

lilyrose73
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:04 AM
You both would benefit from marriage counseling and he needs an attitude adjustment.
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ElleDiem
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:07 AM

Sorry...

I'm having an "I hate men" day.

You're invited :)

ElleDiem
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:07 AM

Hey Hope! :)

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