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Sometimes others mistakes affect my marriage.*venting-ish*

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:01 AM
  • 25 Replies

Recently my husband has brought a new friend around the house, I get along with all of his friends, but that is because I TRY to get along with everyone. Well of course all of his friends are male because according to him "what do I have in common with girls?"

Well for once this friend and I have many similiarities in our lives, and we get along fairly well, he was recently in a very very very bad accident and how he survived I can only say "he was gliding on angel wings that night." So I baked him cookies and muffins and sent his favorite candy as well to the hospital, I have been checking in with him on FB to make sure he's not being a guy about it and is actually healing properly.

Anyways on to the past issues, DH mother had a friend and shortly after she filed for divorce after 17 years she was pregnant with her future husbands baby(this was 6 years ago.) Well its still a thought in the back of my husbands mind that the same fate will become of him that became of his father, and that is honestly not the case.

He went so low to "hack" my FB to see what I messaged his friend about,even though I was open and honest and I gave him my passwords along time ago, that is besides the point, he also questioned as to why I needed to talk to his friend, and even called me a name or two.

So I let him have it in a calm tone(which is unusual for me), that I was in no way shape or form his mother, that whether he treated me like a dog or like a princess there was no way he could ever stop me from having an affair if thats what I so choosed, and that I had hoped he had more faith in me than to be that disrespectful to myself.

Anyways the past ever cause issues that you weren't prepared to face?

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
exceptalilfish
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:03 AM

uh i think it was all okay until you said there is no way he could stop you from having an affair if you wanted to. that just seems rude.

ZanderandBella
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:05 AM
Yes. My mom claims my husband is going to divorce me for everything from not puttin on makeup to not cooking dinner. My fil thought I was cheating on dh while he was deployed because that is what my mil did AND he told my husband this. I have never cheated on him nor do I want to. Actually, I was quite content without any sex while he was gone. The drive was just not there.
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silverdawn99
by Jamie on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:06 AM

rude but true. if she never had any issues with friends before he needs to chill out

Quoting exceptalilfish:

uh i think it was all okay until you said there is no way he could stop you from having an affair if you wanted to. that just seems rude.


KeshaYS
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:06 AM
I don't think that was rude. I think its wrong of him to accuse her of stuff based solely on his own fears.
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reese1206
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:07 AM
If my Husband was not comfortable with me talking to his friend or seeing his friend....I would cut off contact. It's not worth the strain it will put on your guys relationship. Not worth it at all.
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mamatocaleb
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:08 AM

 Yes, it was rude for me to say that but it is a fact just as I could never stop him from having an affair. I could threaten, beat him everything under the sun- but people still have to make choices for themselves.

Would I have an affair? Absolutely not, I have to much respect for myself to do something that shallow.

KimmyShaw
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:10 AM

If your husband is uncomfortable with your interaction with his friend you need to stop the contact, talk about disrespectful. He might not have gone the correct way about telling you but his actions are clear.

chrismom0306
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:10 AM

yes, the past causes issues quite a bit here, but we work through them because its not completely my DHs fault. Parts of his past just don't wanna die out. They keep popping up at unwanted times

mamatocaleb
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:11 AM

 Would you expect the same from me? Honestly wondering would you expect him to cut off contact with friends, or distant cousins because you were uncomfortable? What if he was then left with not one single friend because you disliked them all??? Honest questions because I've seen where these insecurities go...my mother is the perfect example who has not 1 friend that is not apart of a couple that her husband gets along with, at this present time my mother has only 1 friend left.

Quoting reese1206:

If my Husband was not comfortable with me talking to his friend or seeing his friend....I would cut off contact. It's not worth the strain it will put on your guys relationship. Not worth it at all.

 

KimmyShaw
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:15 AM

Your actions are sending red flags up for your husband, why are you trying to turn this around? Your responses seem very self centered and immature. Try thinking about your marriage and not just you.

Quoting mamatocaleb:

 Would you expect the same from me? Honestly wondering would you expect him to cut off contact with friends, or distant cousins because you were uncomfortable? What if he was then left with not one single friend because you disliked them all??? Honest questions because I've seen where these insecurities go...my mother is the perfect example who has not 1 friend that is not apart of a couple that her husband gets along with, at this present time my mother has only 1 friend left.

Quoting reese1206:

If my Husband was not comfortable with me talking to his friend or seeing his friend....I would cut off contact. It's not worth the strain it will put on your guys relationship. Not worth it at all.

 


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