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prob the longest post you will ever read in the history of cm but im so hurt and dont know where to turn

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:41 PM
  • 19 Replies

My mom and I have never ever been close, we never had that typical mom and daughter loving relationship. Iv always been the black sheep in the family. She is very conniving and manipulative, and is always playing the victim and being a martyr. She is a pathological liar and because of this she has screed up many lives, mainly my dad and I. she said some of the most degrading, hurtful  and appalling things one can say about a person about my father, causing his own mother and sister to basically disown him and feel bad for her and help her out finically. She told my sisters and I my dad had a new family and didn't want to be a part of our lives, shed tell people he molested us and didn't pay child support, neither of these things were true. Mom was able to brain wash my sisters into hating him, she never could win me over, therefore she hates me.

I basically didn't have much of a childhood, because my mom played the single mom thing for anything she could, and so she left a lot of reasonability to me, at the age of ten I was staying alone over night with my 2 and 5 year old sisters while my mom went to her imaginary job, she would leave all dressed in her scrubs and always said no matter what we weren't aloud to call my dad, but she never left emergency numbers. She claimed to work 11p-7a well one night I had no choice but to call her "job" because my youngest sister was very sick, throwing up and high fever and I had no clue what to do for her, so I called the hospital she claimed to work at and they said she hadn't worked there in years,  this is when I realized mom wasn't the saint everybody made her out to be, we never knew where she exactly went until years later, and here she had been leaving us to go shack up with her boyfriend she cheated on my father with, he forgave her a few times, she couldn't figure out how to be faithful so dad left her  and that's when she made him out to be a monster.

Fast forward to years later I got a job as early as I could and paid my own way through high school, mom and I hardly spoke, and at that point I got a relationship with my dad back which is the true reason as to why she hates me (her own words, she acknowledges it frequently, never to my face but to other people) the second I could legally move out I did.

Mom  didn't speak to me from 18 until I had my first child at 21, I paid my own way through college , she is a better grandma than she was a mom and I just watch her like  a hawk,  anyhow my sisters are both spoiled and my middle one is just a huge screw up, my youngest graduates high school this week, she is an ok kid, very self absorbed and spoiled, mom bought her a car and she only gets the best clothes, shoes etc. My  mom has always referred to me as the family disappointment ever since I was a young kid, well My aunt kind of took my mom's place, im closer to her than my own mom and she Is very religious and forgiving, she truly is an amazing women, my husband is the same way.

So after much therapy and soul searching I realized in order for me to be ok, I had to forgive her and realize I couldn't change her but I did have many people to surround and love me, so I decided to forgive her and give  relationship with her a try for the sake of my children. I just vowed id be a better mother than I had and I feel iv been at it only 4 years iv far surpassed her, but find myself over analyzing every move I make, questioning if im being fair to both kids, wondering if I show favoritism unintentionally (I don't have a fave but I obsess about my kids growing up feeling like I did

So anyway I chose to forgive her because I felt in order for me to be ok I needed to do this. Well in Jan I moved into a big four bedroom home, my mom called and said her house was being foreclosed on and could my younger sister stay with us until she graduated, my husband said yes, I told him this was ta good idea, his idea is family is family ALWAYS. Well along with her came my mom and 21 year old sister who failed out of college, we kicked her out shortly after she moved in for not abiding by rules and being a poor role model for the kids. Mom started paying her share on time and all as well, the last three months she has yet to give us a dime, and she mistreats me and my husband so my husband kicked her out. We got in a bad car accident weeks ago, she kne about it didn't call, didn't show up and didn't offer the 2000 she owes us.  Well like I already said mom never bought much or did much for me, iv never gotten a birthday card or any other holiday card since I was like 16 but my sisters always did, my mom and sisters have frequent girls days, I am never invited and when I am, I am ignored, and when they lived here she talked about me behind my back in my own home, that's the reason more so than the money my hubby gave them the boot, it truly upset him to see her treat me the way she did, well yesterday I read in the paper my sister as having a graduation party, so I called my mom and said mom look we were in that car accident, juan shattered his shoulder, I have no feeling in my arm at all my tail bone has not healed juan missed a week of work, and insurance hasn't paid us those wages yet so I really need you to pay me at least some of what you owe. She went off on me, saying how ungrateful and selfish I am, that this is my sisters time to shine and how she has to pay for her vacation and grad party, so I was like mom I don't want to have to take you to court but I will, I was like you never cease to amaze me, there is truly nobody you wont step on to get ahead in life, including your grand kids, I was like im glad your willing to take away from them so a adult can go on vacation, she told me im nothing but a fucking disappointment, she wishes she never had me, im the biggest mistake of her life and how embarrassing I am to her. She told me she never wants to speak to me again nor does she wish to see me, she'll have money to me on the 10th and then she could care less what happens to me after that.

 

I am so hurt, sadly this doesn't surprise me and she meant everything she said, im use to her treating me this way, so why I still let it bother me is beyond me. I think now in order for me to be ok I need to cut her from my life totally, I feel so alone, so defeated and so hurt, iv been crying all day, hubby is at work, it pisses him off so I don't talk to him about it, my dad gets infuriated but is at a loss of words as what to say about her anymore, My aunt who is like my mother gets more upset than I do so I don't talk to her about it much, I have no friends so I had to unload hereL

It truly hurts that this women thinks such things about me and sadly and I know it isn't healthy I resent my sisters even though it's not their fault really.

I married a amazing man, have two beautiful kids, have worked since I was 16 moved out the day I turned 18 put myself through college, graduated with honors, I took longer than planned but I managed, my sister failed out of college, never had a job in her life lives off of her boyfriend and is waste of space, but yet she's my mom's pride and joy. My other sister is pretty and popular and gets A's got into a great college so I get her  thing ith her, I just cant figure out what I did so bad to have her hate me so bad, all I did was have a relationship with my dad who is a good man and has been one of the few to be there for me.

I hate myself as it is, I hate the way I am, the way I look, I question everything I do, I make it hard for people to love me because I push most people away, im hard on my husband because I expect him to give up on me too, she still has control over every aspect of my life, I question my parenting abilities, my abilities to be a daughter and a wife, and a friend, I don't know how to not let her gt to me but god it hurts. I had been doing so good and then last night she just ripped open all those old wounds I had worked so hard to tightly sew back up, she has called me those names so many times, I keep getting flash backs into my child hoodL

Well if you made it this far thanx I feel so crushed and like I don't know how to gt back up from this, shes pushed me down many times, iv always got right back up, but for some reason this time im having a harder time getting back up and staying up, meanwhile she didn't say anything to me that she hasn't told me my entire lifeL

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MommaNoonoo
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:50 PM

I am so sorry.  That is a crap situation.

It sounds like you have not really forgiven her, which seems reasonable to me.  Parents can really screw someone up.  It also sounds like money may be a problem right now, but try looking into some personal counseling for yourself.  You are worth it and so are your husband and children.

Just know that when you see the sparkle in your kids' eyes, you are part of that.  They love you and it is for a special reason!

crazymom21
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:50 PM
I'd have nothing to do with any of them. As for the money you might as well forget it. It's not worth fighting for and will cost you more in the end. You sound like a strong person so you'll make it. GL
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MommyLady
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:53 PM

Oh mama, I'm so sorry, and I understand.  I've never had a good relationship with my mother, by her own doing, but I stopped letting her define me when I was a teenager.  YOU should not let your mother define you.  You know who you are, on some level, pushing past all the bull she's shoved down your throat about who she thinks you are.  It's hard, and it sucks, but it may just be time to let her go.  We can't force people to be in our lives, and she's damaging you more and more as time passes.  It has to stop.

Feel free to message me anytime.

two4one
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM

I think the reason your mom hates you is because you are strong and independent, thoings she probably has never been. She is a grade A loser. Forget her and concentrate on the wonderful people you do have in your life. You are a success sweetie. You should be proud.

epoh
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM
Big giant bear hugs.

I hope you continue to work through this and find peace. Let yourself cry then let go.

I'm so sorry she is like that to you. :(
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mommy6xs
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:00 PM
I have a great relationship with my mom, its my dad that I don't. But its the same sort of situation. I finally moved passed the fact that he will always be the way he is and noone can change him but him. So I have nothing at all to do with him. If I see him, I say hi, but its like he is just another person I know instead of my dad. But in order for you to be ok with yourself, you need to forgive then move on, but don't look back this time. Keep your head up momma, PM anytime.
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juansmommy
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:04 PM

thanx  girls. I am very lucky, my dad would give his life for me or my kids as would my husband, my husband is a good man and has never turned his back on me, no matter how hard iv been to be close to, i just really struggle with my mother and cant imagine saying the things to my kids she has to me, i kno we wont see that money but it would be nice if for once she could be a stand up humanbeing

pseudomamma
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:10 PM

I have no great words of wisdom.  But I do have this.  You have come so far.  You have accomplished so much.  You have a great husband and wonderful kids.  Stop trying to prove to your mom you are worth her time.  She's not worth yours and she's told you that many times in her actions.  Be very proud of who you are and what you've become.  Use her as an example of how not to be.  As hard as it is, turn away and move on.

P.V.Hawkwind
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:14 PM


Quoting pseudomamma:

I have no great words of wisdom.  But I do have this.  You have come so far.  You have accomplished so much.  You have a great husband and wonderful kids.  Stop trying to prove to your mom you are worth her time.  She's not worth yours and she's told you that many times in her actions.  Be very proud of who you are and what you've become.  Use her as an example of how not to be.  As hard as it is, turn away and move on.

I feel this way too.

reyreybella01
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

 hugs.Im sorry hun

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