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Need help putting together a letter (Final Draft?)

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM
  • 15 Replies

to our local sheriffs office.

We went to a book festival today. They had all sorts of organizations there talking about books and crafts for the kids..etc. The sheriffs office was there and they had a bunch of pamphlets. There were two on carseat safety. One was from the NHTSA but it was from 2003 and the other was about weight limits for seats and when it is okay to turn them around..ect. It too, was old and didn't reflect the new recommendation. I brought it to the attention of the officer sitting there and he, to my surprise didn't know that they had changed the recommendations.

So, I want to write a letter AND make a phone call to the Sheriffs office to see what can be done about getting them the new and correct information. They are an "authority" on this in our community and I know many parents will go by these brochures just because they were handed out by the Sheriffs department.

What do you ladies think?


Final Draft?

To whom it may concern,

                I wanted to write a short note of gratitude for all that the officers do to protect, help, educate, and serve the citizens of Rockingham County.  I also wanted to say thank you for having a booth at the book fair and handing out literature to educate people on keeping our children safe.

I am writing because of the car seat safety brochures that were available. They are out dated and no longer reflect the NHTSA recommendations for car seat safety. I am concerned because of the weight your office carries in the community and I know that the safety of children is a top priority for the Rockingham Sheriff's Office.

                I am enclosing the new recommendations, printed from their website. I do hope that the Sheriff's office will obtain newer brochures before the next event so that the public can be made aware of the newest safety recommendations and help keep our children safe.

Sincerely,

Kelly

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Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? 


"Oppression of spirit is not on the public school curriculum. Rather, it's a noxious by-product produced while stewing schooling in a pot w/ unions, administrators, multi-billion dollar budgets, state education departments, and school boards, then letting politicians control the heat." Linda Dobson


"When you want to teach children to think, you begin by treating them seriously when they are little, giving them responsibilities, talking to them candidly, providing privacy and solitude for them, and making them readers and thinkers of significant thoughts from the beginning. That's *if* you want to teach them to think." ~ Bertrand Russell


by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

confused

CAMKsMom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:29 PM

Not really sure how I can help so here's a bump

CAMKsMom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:29 PM

BUMP!

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:32 PM

Thanks. I'm not sure either. I guess looking for good wording and such. I'm not very good at putting together letters like these.

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Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? 


"Oppression of spirit is not on the public school curriculum. Rather, it's a noxious by-product produced while stewing schooling in a pot w/ unions, administrators, multi-billion dollar budgets, state education departments, and school boards, then letting politicians control the heat." Linda Dobson


"When you want to teach children to think, you begin by treating them seriously when they are little, giving them responsibilities, talking to them candidly, providing privacy and solitude for them, and making them readers and thinkers of significant thoughts from the beginning. That's *if* you want to teach them to think." ~ Bertrand Russell


CAMKsMom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:43 PM

Dear Chief of Police:

I wanted to write a short note of gratitude for all that your men and women do to protect, help, educate, and serve the citizens of (name of your town).  I also wanted to say thank you for having a booth at the book fair and handing out literature to educate people on the proper use of car seats.  As I was thumbing through the brochures, I noticed that they don't have the most current reccomendations that a child be rear faced until they are at least two years old.  I spoke to the officer who was supervising your booth and he was unaware of the new reccomendations as well.  Is there anything I can do help the department get updated literature that reflects the latest guidelines?  Here's is a link to those new guidelines----- (web address)

Please contact me if I may be of further assistance.  Thanks again for the valuable service your organization provides its citizens.

Sincerely,

Name

Contact info

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:49 PM


Quoting CAMKsMom:

Dear Chief of Police:

I wanted to write a short note of gratitude for all that your men and women do to protect, help, educate, and serve the citizens of (name of your town).  I also wanted to say thank you for having a booth at the book fair and handing out literature to educate people on the proper use of car seats.  As I was thumbing through the brochures, I noticed that they don't have the most current reccomendations that a child be rear faced until they are at least two years old.  I spoke to the officer who was supervising your booth and he was unaware of the new reccomendations as well.  Is there anything I can do help the department get updated literature that reflects the latest guidelines?  Here's is a link to those new guidelines----- (web address)

Please contact me if I may be of further assistance.  Thanks again for the valuable service your organization provides its citizens.

Sincerely,

Name

Contact info

I like the first part of thanking them! I'm going to use that. =D

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? 


"Oppression of spirit is not on the public school curriculum. Rather, it's a noxious by-product produced while stewing schooling in a pot w/ unions, administrators, multi-billion dollar budgets, state education departments, and school boards, then letting politicians control the heat." Linda Dobson


"When you want to teach children to think, you begin by treating them seriously when they are little, giving them responsibilities, talking to them candidly, providing privacy and solitude for them, and making them readers and thinkers of significant thoughts from the beginning. That's *if* you want to teach them to think." ~ Bertrand Russell


juicebox.
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:51 PM

Yeah thats good and very well written, but its going to the sherifs department.  Keep it short and sweet.  I like your draft best op.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:


Quoting CAMKsMom:

Dear Chief of Police:

I wanted to write a short note of gratitude for all that your men and women do to protect, help, educate, and serve the citizens of (name of your town).  I also wanted to say thank you for having a booth at the book fair and handing out literature to educate people on the proper use of car seats.  As I was thumbing through the brochures, I noticed that they don't have the most current reccomendations that a child be rear faced until they are at least two years old.  I spoke to the officer who was supervising your booth and he was unaware of the new reccomendations as well.  Is there anything I can do help the department get updated literature that reflects the latest guidelines?  Here's is a link to those new guidelines----- (web address)

Please contact me if I may be of further assistance.  Thanks again for the valuable service your organization provides its citizens.

Sincerely,

Name

Contact info

I like the first part of thanking them! I'm going to use that. =D


alexsmomaubrys2
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:01 PM

Thanks.

Quoting juicebox.:

Yeah thats good and very well written, but its going to the sherifs department.  Keep it short and sweet.  I like your draft best op.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:


Quoting CAMKsMom:

Dear Chief of Police:

I wanted to write a short note of gratitude for all that your men and women do to protect, help, educate, and serve the citizens of (name of your town).  I also wanted to say thank you for having a booth at the book fair and handing out literature to educate people on the proper use of car seats.  As I was thumbing through the brochures, I noticed that they don't have the most current reccomendations that a child be rear faced until they are at least two years old.  I spoke to the officer who was supervising your booth and he was unaware of the new reccomendations as well.  Is there anything I can do help the department get updated literature that reflects the latest guidelines?  Here's is a link to those new guidelines----- (web address)

Please contact me if I may be of further assistance.  Thanks again for the valuable service your organization provides its citizens.

Sincerely,

Name

Contact info

I like the first part of thanking them! I'm going to use that. =D



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? 


"Oppression of spirit is not on the public school curriculum. Rather, it's a noxious by-product produced while stewing schooling in a pot w/ unions, administrators, multi-billion dollar budgets, state education departments, and school boards, then letting politicians control the heat." Linda Dobson


"When you want to teach children to think, you begin by treating them seriously when they are little, giving them responsibilities, talking to them candidly, providing privacy and solitude for them, and making them readers and thinkers of significant thoughts from the beginning. That's *if* you want to teach them to think." ~ Bertrand Russell


CAMKsMom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:03 PM

I don't like the last paragraph.  It sounds like you are talking to a child and not an adult.  As adults, it is their responsibility to take the info you provided and run with it.

LuckyMamaShawna
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:04 PM

The second draft sounds much better in my opinion. I'm glad you're doing this! It is very important to keep information up to date!

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