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ADVICE NEEDED - how do you DEAL with it? Please don't bash - I'm already feeling like a crappy parent.

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:41 PM
  • 41 Replies

My DD is 19months old. We had a baby boy a lil over 3wks ago, so I understand a lot of this may just be her acting out because of the new baby, but I'm seriously at my wits end. She has turned into a monster! I feel terrible saying that about her, but its true. 

We have a fairly lenient house, but we do have a lot of structure. The rules haven't changed any since baby has come home. My mom lives with us, so during the day, while DS is sleeping, he is with her, and all my attention is STILL focused on DD. I know the normal stuff, like her getting mad when i'm holding him and trying to push him out of my lap, etc. is just her reacting to him, but it has gotten a TON better in the last week or so. 

My problem isn't with how she acts toward him. Its her attitude. She refuses to nap. No matter how long I leave her in her room, she will stay up and play, so napping is just out. She screams constantly. Throws herself on the ground and slams her head, hands, and feet. She throws things. I try not to say "no" too much, I try redirection when she is doing something she shouldn't. I tried alternating toys so that she gets "new" toys regularly. She has painting, and coloring and stuff set aside as a 'reward' when she is good. 

Her temper is just out of control. Like i said, she yells, tantrums, throws things, hits, and bites. She used to be such a sweet little girl, and I have no idea what I am doing wrong, or what I should be doing, because NOTHING is working...I'm losing my patience. I have even spanked her a time or two (yes, i know a lot of you are anti-spanking, but this is not a post to bash me for being a bad mom because I spanked my child). 

Advice without bashing please!?!

EDIT: She normally is (or was)  a very sweet little girl. And she does love on her baby brother a lot, she is constantly kissing him. She does help me feed him and pick out his clothes. She LOVES throwing his dirty diapers away. She gets to help with him a lot, so I really don't think that its anything to do with the new baby (NOW - in the beginning, when she was hating even the sight of him, I did, but that was really just the first two weeks.) She is extremely intelligent, has a huge vocabulary, speaks in 2-3 word sentences, verbalizes her wants and needs fairly clearly. She gets TONS of one on one time with just me and daddy, and we constantly do things alone with her, just like we did before DS got here. I'm really leaning (HOPING) its just the start of terrible two's early. 

For all you ladies who offered advice, THANK YOU! I will definitely be giving these things a try.

And for those who just chose to criticize....I have no comment. Imagine that, its called "class". Try it sometime!


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by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
meagansmama1009
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:44 PM

BUMP!

meagansmama1009
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:46 PM

BUMP!

Momof2boyskj
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:46 PM
Wow I have no clue. I have a 17 month old but he doesn't do that. Here's a bump though
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oOtoxxicOo
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:46 PM

hmmm ... maybe ignoring her tantrums & fits will help ... she may think the new bby is stealing her attn (although it's not true) & acting out to get some.  best of luck to you, hun!!  i hope you find what works best

mommy_ellie
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:48 PM
Your gonna have to let her throw herself around. She is fighting for attention from the new baby, she pitched a fit and you responded. Next time she does this watch her without looking directly at her, and let her throw herself around after she calms down then ask what's wrong and if she starts again ignore her again. She will realize that pitching fits doesn't get her any attention and stop, though it may take a couple times of doing this.
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mommyzgirlz3
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:49 PM

she may be just starting her terrible twos early. have you allowed her to hold the baby while she is in your lap, or help pick out his clothes . she is pretty young and my not understand that the new baby will not take away all the attention from her...

meagansmama1009
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:50 PM

thanks. Its so frustrating. I feel awful that I am having to be "mean" (thats her new thing: "Mean Mommy"). I have tried ignoring the tantrums - it did work: once she realized it wasn't getting anything, she went and tipped over the entertainment center and started throwing books at me. I couldn't ignore that :( 

Quoting oOtoxxicOo:

hmmm ... maybe ignoring her tantrums & fits will help ... she may think the new bby is stealing her attn (although it's not true) & acting out to get some.  best of luck to you, hun!!  i hope you find what works best


Richmond14
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:51 PM

Your not a bad mom for spanking your child and from the way you are talking you seem to be and very caring/loving and supportive mother:) I will spank my kids every now and again if they are doing something i believe deserves it. I really cant offer much advise other than to just keep at it cause it sounds to me that you are doing all the right things and as she gets older it will get better. I know when my kiddos were younger like that and i brought home my second and third the older child/children always loved to help mommy with the baby:) Hopefully its just a phase shes going through and things will get much easier on you:)

m3an1
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:51 PM

Just a suggestion, but why not call Early Intervention and request a developmental evaluation.  Behavior issues are addressed in the evaluation, if she qualifiies you will be assigned a special behavioral therapist who can help you willl strategies and techniques for her issues.  Google Early Intervention [your county name] and call.  The evaluation is free is our state, some states have a co-pay but it is minimal.

meagansmama1009
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:52 PM

thanks. That was very helpful and productive. 

Quoting MOMMY2MADDYNARI:

Wow. Maybe you should have let your "baby" that is 19 months old be a baby before you had any more kids. Sounds like your dd is just acting her age and wanting all your attention. Parenting is hard work, just be happy you don't have to do it alone. Good luck to you


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