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Do i go on vacation or stay home?

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:41 AM
  • 11 Replies

Most people would think that was a no brainer.  I wish it was that easy.  For many yrs we have always went to HHI for our family vacation, this includes me my hubby and 2 kids, My MIL and SIL  and my sister and her BF and we have always made great memories there.  Well Life has changed since a yr ago.  My SIL who is 33 has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and this may be the last yr that we can all go as a family.  The problem her Bf  has done so many things that has put a huge wedge between everybody.  He pretty much controls every situation including who can visit her and who can't.  He does not like the noise of children.  So being there for 2 weeks in the same house with him worries me.  I am afraid that all the anger that has built up will come out while being there.  My husband says that there is no way he can  but wants me and the kids to go but my husband has been so depressed over the whole situation that there is no way that i want to leave him home by himself and also i don't think that i can handle being with this man for 2 weeks either but i don't want my kids to be punished for the issues that me and my husband have with this man.  They have offered to take the kids if we don't wanna go but i have never been away from them and i don't want them going there and this man even trying to discipline my children.  I have searched so hard to find good in him but i can't seem to find it, we r cordial to him because my SIL does not need the stress of us not getting along, but a human can only take so much.  This man does not have a job my SIL pays his child support, his insurance  and has bought him a brand new grand cherokee a jeep with all the accessories so he can go trail riding and lots more,  It seems like she is buying his love because she is so scared of being alone and i understand wanting someone to love u and be with u through this horrible time.  I guss my question is what should we do stay home and keep the peace or go and take the risk that all the anger will eventually come out.  I love my SIL so much and i want to see her happy but i am afraid if we go that it may do more damage to our relationships with her.  I say this because i have already had words with him about him not letting her friends and family visit with her and i thought that by expressing my feelings he would see that she needs more than just him in her life.  Well that didn't work out it only got us pushed further away and he even wants to move her away from her family so that he can control her every move.  I have cried so much lately because i see the pain that this is causing my whole family.  

by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
BananaMuffins
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:43 AM

I would go. I think you would regret it more if you didn't then if you did.

nickysmom71
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:44 AM

I would go as well, and kids make noise, make sure you tell him that.

ermka
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:46 AM

idk hun.. i'd be confused too.. is it possible to just go for a few days as a feeler? and if things are alright stay longer?

iamcafemom83
by Rah-Rah on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:47 AM
I would go and take the kid's. Maybe her bf can go somewhere else LOL. He will need to be a man and suck it up for 2 weeks if this could be one of the last times you can do this with her.

Is it possible to talk to him beforehand? Maybe to smooth things out before you get there?
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iamcafemom83
by Rah-Rah on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:48 AM
That's a good idea too. Maybe you could do half there and finish your vaca. At home if there is no talking to him before.

Quoting ermka:

idk hun.. i'd be confused too.. is it possible to just go for a few days as a feeler? and if things are alright stay longer?

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hollieshobbie
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:58 AM

I have discussed with my husband about going for the 1st week and feel it out, and if it's not working then we could leave and come back home. I have tried talking to him before about issues and it only gets us pushed further away.   But yes if we r to go he is gonna have to know where he stands.  which i mean he is there on a free ride everything paid for so if he doesn't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.  

TarotMommy
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:07 PM
I would take my children on the vacation. I would completely ignor him. If he said One thing out of line to my children, I would call them to me, tell them to go play in another room for a moment cuz mom needs to have a talk with 'whatever they call him', then I would Firmly tell him this is yours and your childrens vacation not just his and he is Not to say one word to your children and if he has a problem then he needs to go to another room or outside or whatever until he can get himself in perspective. It is not his place to say one word to Your children.
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alf2651
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:14 PM

 I would go.

hollieshobbie
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:43 PM

My 10 yr old already says that he won't speak tohim (maybe thats a good thing)  but i just can't s then see this vacation being helpful for any of us.  if we go then there will for sure be problms but if we don't we r horrible for spoiling the maybe last vacation together.  If we can't get along with him on visits and holiday gatherings then how r we supposed to live in the same house for 2 weeks.  

his1mama
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 1:03 PM

I wouldn't go.

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