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My SO is finally in the hospital getting the help he needs!

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:49 AM
  • 429 Replies

Of course this is a huge setback for us. We are hardly getting by and really, really hoping to be approved. He was injured 2 years ago after a tree fell on him. Broke his hip, femur and did extensive damage. Apparently, still not enough to be considered disabled by our government. 

Our settlement money that we received last year is bone dry. Most of our bill credits have disappeared and are turning into bills we are unable to pay. We've even had to apply for food stamps. We have one more month that has been paid for in advance for our apartment. And then we will have that bill too. 

I have a part-time job, but it BY NO MEANS, is enough to pay all the bills. I'm talking about $120 a week here.

We are stressed out to the max ... and my SO isn't handling it well at all. He's had a rough couple of years with the accident, an addiction to his prescribed pain pills, his father's suicide (last year), and his family essentially abandoning him after they helped run his bank account dry. Hell, he paid over $5000 to have his license back only to find out that it was only temporary and he owes a thousand more due to some hidden yearly fee. He's also facing jail time if we don't either marry before OCTOBER or start paying $50 a month for a child he lives with him. 

I try to keep calm. I'm good at it. I'm good at convincing myself everything will eventually be okay one day. My problem is I'm terrified that he can't handle this. I'm terrified that all this stress and anxiety and lack of confidence is going to be too much for him... AND I don't want to lose the love of my life. 


I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, because I'm sure I will be bashed for countless silly little reasons. But sometimes I need a good dose of reality and bashing ... or thoughts and prayers. Or just anything you have to offer.

My SO is amazing. He's had countless obsticals to overcome and the worst child hood imaginable. Seriously. His mom was a bar hoping, coke whore who only gave a damn about her little girl (and still only pretends to care about my SO) and was beat excessively by his alcoholic, coke head of a father who eventually left after 12 years of marriage for somebody younger. Whom he eventually married and started a new family with. Never to have a real relationship with his only son --- not even AFTER we had our son. 

Yet ... he's a fucking amazing father and the love of my life. He's so generous he probably spent about $30,000 helping friends, his shitty ass family, and even complete strangers.

He doesn't deserve such shitty things to happen time and time again. But ... they do. 

**edit**

He's come to the decision to end his own life. He says he's tired and life is and has always been a hell for him. He's sick of living. He's even has envelopes put up for his mom and sister and us. 

I don't know what to do ....

**edit @ 8:50**

I'm so distraught. We've only been apart on a few rare occasions over the past 5 years. 

I didn't call 911, because he assured me that it would be a mistake. It would NOT end well. And because my children are here, I wasn't going to let them witness that. Say what you want about me, I know I made the right decision. Those who say I didn't .... you all just have no idea. Don't judge me, because you just don't know him.  Not everything is so black and white, and you really cannot just diagnose one solution to everyone's problem.

I called his best friend that lives an hour away. Get him out of the house, talk some sense into him maybe, and if not at least he's not here so I can focus my attention to the matters which are causing his depression. I can handle business, and his best friend will make sure he is safe, talk to him, and there's a hospital nearby. He will listen to him better, because his friend has been there through EVERYTHING. 

At this point ... I'm not sure what is going to happen. He could realize he just doesn't want to be near me and the kids and would be happier elsewhere. I just don't know. I don't want to lose him, but I want him to be happy with or without me. It's hard though. I hate being home alone at night. And I'm so worried about everything else right now. Like ... WTF am I going to do about every other thing piling up? And our looming rent?

I just don't know how to fix this anymore, but I do know that I need to focus on me and the kids' future. 

--- 8/18 EDIT ---

When I texted to see how he was doing last night; he texted me back and said he was ready to come home. I told him he should stay there for a couple days and relax his mind. Let me handle business at home. He declined, and was on his way back home first thing this morning. 

We talked for a few minutes before I left for work, and he still seemed down. Not anything like yesterday, however. His mom came and visited and wanted to get him into the hospital. He said absolutely not, and kicked her out of the house.

After I got out of work is when I seen the real change. He claimed that I was stupid for not leaving his side (maybe so), and said teetered between not wanting help because it wouldn't work and maybe wanting to go someplace. He did say that he wasn't talking about committing suicide NOW or even anytime soon. He just said he could see how his dad felt. And suddenly, it was all turned around on me. Everything was my fault, and I was stupid for not leaving his side. I told him those who love one another don't give up on each other. He absolutely refused to be hospitalized, and told me he'd consider going to another sort of treatment for awhile. More arguing, me crying, and me throwing my hands up in disgust and told him that I WAS NOT GOING TO WATCH HIM DO THIS. He would either go get treatment, or I would LEAVE (in which case, I'd call 911 to FORCE him to go) I started packing my suitcase. While I was packing, he came into the room and told me to stop. 

To make a long story short ... all is good now. He's still down, but he said he's just had a hard week. He said people go through dips, and I need to give him a couple days. He missed me while he was away, and hated sleeping alone. He was also able to take his miracle medication (his best friend is also his caregiver). I had forgotten how much that helps his depression, anxiety, and Bipolar disorder. After his accident, he tried tons of prescriptions, and I experienced the negative side effects of them all. None helped his anger and depression better than marijuana.

He also has found a new hope about the disability thing, and maybe even finding a job. We cuddled for a while, and made amazingly passionate love. He made dinner, and me and the kids are going to an outdoor movie while a couple of his buddies come over and hang out. 

Things are better, and I get paid tommorow which will take away some of the stress and allow him to buy more of his medication. 

I'm also scheduling him some outpatient counseling with his former EMDR specialist. 

Thank you to all those who offered support and help and not harsh bashing. :) 

-----------another edit 8/26 @ 4 pm

It's been an eventful day. My SO's attitude has been more or less up and down for the past week or so, but today was the breaking point.

I don't want to go into the gruesome details, but I ended up leaving with the children and calling 911 this morning. He had taken a bottle of Lyricas after a confrontation between the two of us. I called 911 from my driveway, and arrived safely at my parent's house with my children. 

I called dispatch several times to remain updated about the situation. The POLICE (not ambulance, FYI, despite what all of you claimed to know!) came and had went without incident. He seemed cohearent and even a little aggitated, but denied taking the pills. The POLICE cannot involuntarily commit somebody without EVIDENCE or INCIDENCE (cops words, not mine.) So again, a lot of you were very mistaken. I talked to the police via telephone and was told I'd have to file a report to get him involuntarily commited. After the paperwork, it'd STILL have to be approved via judge. So again, there was a lot of misinformation regarding that matter. 

To make a long story a little shorter: 

I told the police he was lying; he did indeed take the pills. I ALSO told the police to check back up on him in about 15 minutes. Again, the police came and left without incidence. I came home and talked to him without the children present. He AGREED to be committed, but still did not want to go through the police and actual hospital. Went back to my mom's and made a couple of phone calls.  Meanwhile, his equally crazy mother called the police back out to our residence. I was home and on the phone with a potential job offer when they showed up with an ambulance. This time he admitted that he took the pills, and is now on his way to a hospital. 

SO .... that is that. It's going to be a start of a new life for us, hopefully. I am just 'praying' he will get the help he needs, and come home a new and improved SO. 

Thank you for all your thoughts and concerns. Much appreciated. 

Now I'm off to work a couple hours trying to not let this get the best of me. Wish me luck, because it's our first hometown's first HS football team and it's going to be crazy. My mind and heart will be completely elsewhere.... 

buuut I am so happy and proud of him for getting the help he needs. :)

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
matofour
by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:52 AM
How many times have you been denied? Do you have a lawyer? Most people get denied two or three times before receiving disability.
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1busymomma03
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:52 AM

((Hugs)) and prayers that things start getting better for you guys.

queenamy
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:53 AM
Almost everyone gets denied the first time. Reapply.
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Lanie_momofone
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:54 AM

 I am sorry for what you are going through....

I have to ask though , why are they making you get married ? What does marriage have anything to do with anything? And why on earth do you have to pay $50 a month for a child that lives with you ?

Sounds messed up too me ...however , if the above is true..than why not just go to the court house and get married? that would be one less thing you would have to worry about.

audra1010
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:55 AM

have him keep applying until they approve it eventually.  that is what happens to alot of people.  they get denied the first couple of go-rounds.

emelymac
by Emely on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:55 AM

 

Quoting queenamy:

Almost everyone gets denied the first time. Reapply.

 

babybensmama
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:56 AM
Everyone gets denied the first time, reapply.
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Bri060492
by Bri on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:57 AM

get a lawyer and reapply... i know things are tough but you guys will pull through... if there is any way maybe try getting a 2nd part time job

Jenn8576
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:57 AM
My husband has been denied 3 times and now has to wait 12-14 months for a hearing and he has a lawyer, and I only work pt to, but we make it work somehow
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Aamy
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:57 AM
Apply again. And you where told how to fix his jail issue in your post about that , go to the court house and get married. GL .
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