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In a horrible way & NEED advice NOW (kinda long..but must read please if you have a heart!) *EDIT* in orange below

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 3:56 PM
  • 28 Replies

 I wanna make this a short as I can without boring everyone. If you have anything mean to say, please leave, and if you have nothing to say then please BUMP! This is VERY important to me & PLEASE read it ALL before replying......

 DD was born almost 4 years ago. About 3 months after her birth I started having panic attacks. PPD Related. I suffered through them with medication for anxiety for the last 4 years. Fast forward to March of last year when I was in a bad car accident. The accident left me with PTSD which set in about 2 weeks after the accident & is still here today. I have a lot of anxiety & I live in a 24-hour fog. I feel confused all of the time & I just have trouble concentrating.

 About 6 weeks ago I started feeling very overwhelmed...more so than usual (I have a child with bad behavioral issues & I'm raising her alone with no family or friends to help me). It got to the point 6 weeks ago that I had this constant feeling of dread over me, fear, and doom. I felt like I was going to die. I started to become paranoid (part of the PTSD 19 months ago) and had trouble driving. The anxiety escalated so bad that I began to fear leaving my home. After 6 years of protesting, I went into my Psychiatrists office begging for help in any way he could help me. I wanted to feel like my old self again and be a good mom. That is my #1 goal in life.

 He put me on 20mg's of Prozac. Scared of any adverse reactions it MAY cause, I asked my mother to come up and stay with me for a few weeks. (She lives out-of-state 200 miles away) She came up about a week after I started the med & is still here. She is going home tomorrow.

 After being on the Prozac for about 4 1/2 weeks I started having BAD reactions to it....horrible chest pain, a resting heart rate of 140, dizziness, confusion, uncontrollable shaking, a numb feeling in my brain so bad that I couldn't smile or laugh & I was having panic attack after panic attack. I called the on-call doctor less than a week ago who told me to stop the Prozac. I saw my own doctor 3 days later who said that SSRIs (the class in which Prozac ws located) was not a good class of medication for me since I'm hyper-sensitive to medications. (In addition to my anti-anxiety medication, I was on something at night for my heart rate and fluctuating blood pressure. When I saw him a few days ago, he stopped that med and put me on a long-acting one that I now take in the AM. Now I can't sleep well at night, and the new med is not working, my heart is still racing.)

 I have little to no support. My mom was here but needs to go home. I have NO friends here, and moving back home right now isn't an option, hopefully it will be here in the future. There are no local support groups around me.

 Now before I say what I need to say THIS needs to be said: I AM NOT SUICIDAL, HOMICIDAL, OR UNABLE TO FUNCTION OR LIVE MY LIFE. With that important info said.... I have been having an issue for the past few weeks. Some people says it's part of the paranoia from the PTSD, and others say it's part of being a very protective mom........ I keep having these bad 'WHAT IF' thoughts of like what if my DD finds the scissors and gets hurt...etc, etc. Every time I see glass broken I think it would hurt if I got hurt, etc., and then I keep thinking it would suck to get cut in the wrong an artery or something. I cringe at these thoughts but they are non-stop. I don't randomly think of them, I have to see something that could possibly be a threat or something in order to have these thoughts. I say again that I am not thinking, planning or wanting to hurt anyone or myself. I just feel a little paranoid....not the paranoid like someone is following me, but just trauma and PTSD.  I hope this doesn't make me sound crazy. I feel scared. I KNOW that if I EVER started feeling like something bad ever would happen, I would get help ASAP!!! I guess all of these horrible 'thoughts' were helped to be induced by the Prozac and that it made me feel horrible while on it and wondering if I could possibly feel any worse. I'm now having withdrawals from it even tho I wasn't on it very long....but like I said, I am very sensitive to every medication. I do not feel as if I need to go into a behavioral hospital or anything.

 The doctor didn't want to put me on anything right now until after I see a Cardiologist for the heart rate problems & a neurologist for when I hit my head in the accident 19 months ago. 

 I feel alone and stressed beyond belief. I have a fiancee who is about to increase his hours at work. He works almost 2 hours away, and soon to be 14 hours days 7 days a week.  That will go on until the end of the year. DD starts preschool soon, but until then, like I said DD has behavioral issues, & screams at me all of the time. It increases my anxiety beyond belief to have to yell and scream at her.

I'm seeing a therapist and have been for 4 years.

Advice? Thoughts? Opinions? No bashing. I wouldn't write all of this if I wasn't looking for kind advice. Thanks.



EDIT: I just went into my bathroom and bawled like a baby. I feel tired of fighting this 'fog' and trying to act everyday like I am okay. I truely feel like giving up. After crying for 45 minutes, I had to get up & cook dinner or else I'd probibly be on the floor still. I feel so defeated. I know I can't give up tho. My DD keeps asking me why I'm sad. I know this isn't healthy for her to see. I just don't know what to do anymore...... mom can't stay any longer, I have no more help with DD & NO doctor will hear me out. I've tried so MANY doctors....

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 3:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:01 PM

A lot of the things you have mentioned are normal symptoms of PTSD and anxiety.  I think you just need to keep working and communicating these things with your doctor.  I've been through the whole PTSD, anxiety, OCD thing myself.  If you ever need someone to vent to you can always PM me.  You're not alone!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:02 PM
Ok... You have a lot of different issues going on here.

As far as your anxiety, I would say go back to your doctor asap.

In regardvto your daughter, perhaps she is feeding off you with her behavior. Stop yelling and screaming and maybe she will stop doing it to you.
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:06 PM


by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:08 PM

I don't have any experience with this.  I hope you get to feeling better.

by Kim on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:10 PM

 I really have zero experience with any of this, so my advice would be to go back to the doctor and explain what is happening.  It sounds like the meds might not be working properly.  Maybe you need something different.  Sorry-hugs!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:10 PM

My advice is keep all your appointments with your doctors,push the neurologist for an MRI if he/she isnt already ordering one,and stick to your guns about your healthcare. It's your body and your kids only have one mother. Its up to you to get something done when nobody wants to do it or even when you dont feel like it. Yeah its hard,but so is the alternative. God Bless!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:13 PM

Bless your heart hun, I'm sorry you are feeling over whelmed. Has your therapist gave you a number to contact them when you are feeling this way? Because after all that you have said how you are feeling right now. You are making a cry for help. You can not help how you are feeling right now. You need to get help today while your mom is there to help you with your little girl.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:18 PM
You need to bee seen by the cardiologist abs neurologist asap so that your dr can try a new medicine with you. Maybe it's not the type of medicine, but the dosage, you really want to scale down the dosage first before giving up on the meds all together. Do you work? Do you have a hobby?
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:19 PM

If you want to pm you can hun, I'm a good listener. Hugs

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 4:22 PM
I feel for you hun I really do. PPD is no joke, I suffered with it, mix that with everything else you're going through, I couldn't even begin to imagine or pretend to. The loneliness and anxiety aren't helping your situation at all. I agree with these other ladies, keep on top of your appointments, and have phone numbers handy, you are on the right track. I know it seems like an impossible task, but keeping calm helps, and your daughter is feeling your emotions and acting on them on your behalf. My daughter was the same way until I finally got the help I needed. Its sad that there are no groups around to help you in this situation, that was my biggest helping hand. All I can say is stay strong, I know how hard it can be, but there is hope, and please feel free to pm me if you need to, like I mentioned, just having people to talk to without judgement was the best thing ever. You can pull through this, for yourself and your daughter. Wishing you the best of luck and future happiness momma.
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