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I just have to get it out...............

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:47 AM
  • 47 Replies

So I've been thinking about what has gone on in my life and have decided I need to just get it out. I am choosing not to burden anyone in my life with the whole situation. I figure if I pour it all out online you guys can either choose not to believe me or just choose to stop reading.


I was born into a very poor very abusive situation. My parents were both severe addicts. I was their third child. 2 years after I was born my mother got help for her addiction but the abuse got worse. My father continued drinking until the death of my uncle, my mothers brother. At this point my mother told him he had two choices, either to get help or she was taking the kids and leaving. My father got help. Within a year they were able to put a substantial down payment on a home with all of the money they saved not partying.

We moved into a house in a small rural community. My mother continued to abuse the three of us until I was 5 years old. My youngest sister was born when I was six. 

When I was eleven years old I was raped by the fourteen year old boy that lived next door. I never reported it and never told my parents. Then my best friend committed suicide. I saw my out! Two days later I slit my wrists. I spent 3 months in an institution.

When I was twelve two neighbor boys, egged on by two neighbor girls, attempted to kill me. I was riding my bike down the road when I heard what sounded like a series of firecrackers. The bullets entered a tree about a foot away from me. My parents decided it was time to move again.

We moved to a very large suburb and things started to go right for me. I went to a great school and had amazing friends. When I was 13 my best friend started "dating" an older boy. Randy was 20 years old and "dating" a 13 year old. They talked a few times a day, he came to visit, he was the coolest thing. He lived 30 min away but he had a car so he'd come hang out with us and take us where ever we wanted to go. Then he got into a fight and wound  up in jail. He and my friend still talked daily and wrote letters in which he told us what life was like in there. He told us about the restrictions, he told us about the food, and he told us how he was put in a cell with a rapist. Imagine a guy who got in a fight housed with a RAPIST. He told us all about the guy one day in a phone call, and to my horror it was my old neighbor. I went into shock. It took four hours for my friend to get the story out of me. A story which she later related to her boyfriend.

She told me Randy got very angry when he heard what had happened to me, later I found out that she was the master of understatement. The day after I told my story Randy killed his cellmate. He stabbed him during recreational time, and my true hell began.

Randy started calling me, he told me he did it for me because he loved me. He'd always loved me and always would. He started calling my house from the jail all day in 30min intervals. It got so bad that I had to explain it all to my parents. I told them about being raped, I told them about my friends boyfriend, I told them about the calls. I was scared and didn't know what to do. The stalking continued for 2 years and then he suddenly just disappeared. I still have panic attacks every once in a while because I see someone who looks like him or I hear a voice that sound like his. 

OK That's all I can do for now. we'll see how my day goes and maybe I can post more later.


   Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
Thomas Jefferson

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dommad2
by Tamara on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:58 AM

Any questions?

jella31
by Angela on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:01 AM
Wow... Sorry that happened to you.
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nickysmom71
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:03 AM

Damn, I am sorry....I had some stuff happen to me....well not some, but a lot!!!!  I know what you are feeling, it's not fun.  I hope you come to terms with it and start to feel better!!!

dommad2
by Tamara on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:04 AM

I'm working on it. I think part of it for me was just putting it all out there and acknowledging it.

Quoting nickysmom71:

Damn, I am sorry....I had some stuff happen to me....well not some, but a lot!!!!  I know what you are feeling, it's not fun.  I hope you come to terms with it and start to feel better!!!


   Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
Thomas Jefferson

Charweba
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:04 AM

 Is he still trying to get in touch with you now that you are older?

dommad2
by Tamara on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:04 AM

Thank you.

Quoting jella31:

Wow... Sorry that happened to you.


   Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
Thomas Jefferson

atlshine
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:05 AM
Damn. How is your life now?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
carterscutie85
by *Shanny's Stalker* on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:06 AM

I'm sorry. IDK how much time he got for killing the guy but u could always try to look him up and see if he is in prison. They have inmate locators online now.

dommad2
by Tamara on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:07 AM

He has via Facebook. Thankfully I have never put where I live or my phone number online. My profile is private, and there are no pictures of what my place looks like. We also move around a lot. The last time he requested to be my friend on facebook I barricaded myself and my kids in my house. I couldn't help it.

Quoting Charweba:

 Is he still trying to get in touch with you now that you are older?


   Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
Thomas Jefferson

eleecpht
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

you should write a book....might help with getting it all out for good, and then something good might come of it all...?

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