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I guess I'm weird, but ....

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:45 AM
  • 9 Replies

 I just don't get why bio-mom's & step-mom's both can't love the kids and get over themselves and put the kids first!!  My dh & I DID came as a package deal; we both had children and we knew that to accept each other was to accept our kids, period ... to love me was to love my son; to love my dh was to love his son & 2 daughters.  We took our time to get to know each other before marrying; the kids took the time to know each other. By the time we married the kids were already calling each other brothers & sisters ... we were already a family in our eyes.  We always accepted that there was another parent (& another step-parent) to be considered; and we always did just that ... for the benefit of the kids.  Sure you don't call them for every little thing when you have the kids, I'm not talking about that; but there are a lot of things where you do need to at least consult with the other parent.  We also involved the ex's in a lot of our family event's, again, because they involved the kids.  Over the years, and as the kids got older, involvement with the ex's has lessened, but when they were growing up it really did make things easier for the kids and a lot less tense.  Problems between the adults need to stay just that, they don't need to be something the kids need to be involved in.  Our kids knew there were problems with the ex's, they weren't blind ... but they did appreciate that we kept them (the kids) the main concern in the parenting situation.  As for our marital situation ... the ex's didn't have any say & they knew it; the kids also knew it.  Our marriage was our priority; the kids also knew this.  They knew that if the marriage wasn't working, then nothing worked.  We've been successful in the marriage and the blending of his, mine & ours.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:45 AM
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by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:59 PM

Thats great! It would be nice if both sets of parents could do that!

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:01 PM
Everyone in our family has the children's best interest involved. If these SM's and BM's are fighting, they are not thinking about the children or being good role models.
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by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:02 PM
I know I'm the BM, and when his ex,.well all got along. Even spent my birthday at a park and fire works together with the kids. We didn't work out as a couple, but we have the duty to be great parents.
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by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:06 PM

I see it the same way you do. If I meet someone, I would expect him to accept myself and my kids...and the fact that their father is in fact their father. I can't be with someone who cannot show respect to my ex husband, even if he has a bad opinion of him.

My ex husband and I have problems, but his wife is not the cause of them and does not (as far as I'm aware) contribute to them. I would like to have a better relationship with both of them but IMO the thing hindering that is him, nothing to do with her.

And if I meet someone, I will accept his children and any relationship he has with his children's mother as part of the package.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:07 PM

I agree. All that should be worked out as much as possible BEFORE the relationship gets serious.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:08 PM

 Good for would be nice if everyone could play well together.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:20 PM
I really wish I could have a good working relationship with my dh's ex. Sadly she's in a class all her own. Dh and I keep it civil with her, we respect her, we always communicate with her, but there's just no give on that end. As much as I don't like her (for many and my own reasons) I still respect her, and have evenhad to put dh in his place a time or two infront of his dd concerning bm. My ex on the other hand, married a wonderful woman, I couldn't appreciate her more, and have gotten luckier in the step mom area. My ex, sm, myself and dh have actually all become friends over the course of a year and have great communication respectful relationships. Sometimes sadly its not all cut and dry, you have great sm/sd such as my dh to my ds and exes wife to my son, and you have great bm/bd. One the other end though, sometimes you have a bm/bd who just has no respect (such as in my case, who laughs in my face literally if she hears how sd has acted at our home) and even sm/sd who have no respect. Its all about growing up and doing right by the kids and families and spouses involved, but to make sure the kids are first priority
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by Save Humanity! on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:40 PM

my parents divorced when i was 5 and i had an older brother.

I never ever ever saw my parents argue or fight about anything. They met in jr. high and married, had kids but things didnt work out. I lived with my dad and saw my mom all the time and went to her house every other weekend. My dad was better off financially which is why they decided we should live there. My mom didnt pay child support, in fact they shared the divorce attorney.

eventually my mom met my now stepdad who had 3 kids of his own. and my dad eventually married as well, however his marriage only lasted for about 5 years. i didnt get along with her cause i was stupid and was mean to her and i regret it. She was a very nice woman. My step dad and mom were together for a long time and just quietly went to the courthouse and married.

all of us kids are grown now and there are 9 grandbabies between us, unfortunatly they all live out of state, but i still consider them my siblings and i consider my step dad to be a father figure.

im 34 years old now and i am married with children, so now i know some of the details of why they divorced, but never growing up did my parents NOT put me first.

they were both there for everything(well for the most part, but us kids understood if one simply could not attend) All of our needs were always met. THey both come to my families events, birthday parties etc. and they have never really spoken ill of another, some annoyance sometimes but its more of a difference of opinion and it certainly dosnt create drama.

I would hope that if GOD FORBID my dh and i ever were to divorce that he find someone that would not only treat my child but me with grace,maturity and respect and love my child as much as i could possibly hope for.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:59 PM

Because, unfortunately, not all adults can be ADULTS.  Some are on power trip, some got hurt and want to exact "revenge" and they think they're hurting other parties when they're really just hurting the kids.  it's a shame.

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