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Thank you BM....from SM

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:58 PM
  • 10 Replies

After all this BM/SM competition going on lately I just thought I would give props to my stepkids BM, it doesn't have to be a war.

Dear BM,

Thank you for allowing us to have a civilized, cordial relationship and for not just assuming that I am an evil SM trying to take your kids away. I love your kids and they love me, but I know that you are their mom and I will never talk badly of you or try to replace you. Thank you for trusting me to take care of them and have their best interests at heart, because I do and always will. I really appreciate that you do not speak badly of me or try to sabotage my relationship with your kids, that makes things a million times easier for everyone. Thank you for allowing me to be a parent to the kids in your absence, it is hard to be "just a friend" to the children living in your home. I know neither of us are perfect but I actually kind of like you, I know we are not close but you are still like family to me. I am also thankful that I can be friends with your family too, a lot of people in your situation would not be ok with it, so I am grateful that you are. I hope we can continue to show the kids that we can get along and even be on the same page at times. I think that it will benefit them immensely. Maybe someday you can even move closer and be able to share in this parenting journey further, I know the kids would love to have you around more. To me the bottom line is to get these kids raised with as little damage done as possible, the divorce was hard but I know they will overcome. I think you and I can agree that parenting is no easy task, so I think we are better off if were in it together.

From SM

Just want to add that I am being completely serious, it was hard at times not to sound condescending because the truth is that I wish BM was around more for the kids. If I sound like I am "overstepping" it is not because I want to it is just the way it is. I have been raising them along with my dh for the last few years and BM has been in a different state. It is a double edged sword because I like that I have been able to develop a close relationship with the kids but I also wish that BM was there for them a little more.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alwayskk
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:59 PM

I think of my kids step mom as a part of our extended family.

I have no idea how she feels about me...

rocknmom85
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:04 PM

I think that is great, and will benefit the kids to see everyone getting along (or at least trying ;)

Quoting alwayskk:

I think of my kids step mom as a part of our extended family.

I have no idea how she feels about me...


Shabbydoll78
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:04 PM

 I like this.

I'm a bio mom, and I have a great relationship with my daughters step mom. 

bekka106
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:05 PM

 I wish EVERYONE'S relationships could be that easy going.  My kids' dad's GF is ridiculous.  She calls me when he cheats on her and leaves her and cries to me, and I comfort her (who better to talk to than the girl who has been there...with the SAME guy! lol) and then they get back together and she totally changes pace, throws me dirty looks, doesnt come around my kids, etc.  I am forever asking her if we can be mature and get along for all of our kids' sake.  No luck. She is really young, I guess.

rocknmom85
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:09 PM

wow, I'm sorry, she does sound young and probably a kind of immature.....but who am I to talk I married my dh when I was 22, I'm 25 now

Quoting bekka106:

 I wish EVERYONE'S relationships could be that easy going.  My kids' dad's GF is ridiculous.  She calls me when he cheats on her and leaves her and cries to me, and I comfort her (who better to talk to than the girl who has been there...with the SAME guy! lol) and then they get back together and she totally changes pace, throws me dirty looks, doesnt come around my kids, etc.  I am forever asking her if we can be mature and get along for all of our kids' sake.  No luck. She is really young, I guess.


rocknmom85
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:10 PM

That is awesome to hear, I guess it is a rare thing which is sad :(

Quoting Shabbydoll78:

 I like this.

I'm a bio mom, and I have a great relationship with my daughters step mom. 


alwayskk
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:11 PM

I hope so. Right now, the kids are so young it's not much of an issue.

I am a little worried about when they get older. Kids talk, I don't want them running to me and telling me stuff that makes her sound bad when it's really just a child's POV and vice versa. I just hope I can stay level headed enough to remember that!

Quoting rocknmom85:

I think that is great, and will benefit the kids to see everyone getting along (or at least trying ;)

Quoting alwayskk:

I think of my kids step mom as a part of our extended family.

I have no idea how she feels about me...



miss_lisa
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:13 PM

 After 2 years of her hearing how crazy I was and how I was such a partier from DH's step mom (who had only met me once), BM finally sat down with me one day and talked to me. She realized that I'm very boring, I don't party, and that I'm a complete and total nerd.

We're friends on FB and we get along really well. I'd call her a friend, and if you ask SS he'll tell you he has 2 moms and 2 dads because we all do our best to get along and we all have something different to offer him. I LOVE where we are at now, it was a long hard road to get here, but worth it.

miss_lisa
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:16 PM

 My SS is 9 now, when he was around 4 he started to try and play us off each other, but we caught on quickly and he learned FAST that he can't pull it off. Even then, when he was with us for some vacation time this summer he tried to tell me that his mom told him he has to wear his clothes two days in a row before they get washed. I looked at him and said "I'll text her right now and ask her if you want me to... but I don't think she said that, I bet she said you're supposed to wear your clothes twice before getting them washed". (He had been fighting me over getting dressed.) He sighed and admitted that he didn't have to wear the clothes 2 days in a row.

Knowing that I won't hesitate to call or text his mom if he tries to pull a fast one on me has made it so that most of the time he doesn't even try. And most of the time you'll  be able to see right through them when they try and tell you that mommy did something bad.

Quoting alwayskk:

I hope so. Right now, the kids are so young it's not much of an issue.

I am a little worried about when they get older. Kids talk, I don't want them running to me and telling me stuff that makes her sound bad when it's really just a child's POV and vice versa. I just hope I can stay level headed enough to remember that!

Quoting rocknmom85:

I think that is great, and will benefit the kids to see everyone getting along (or at least trying ;)

Quoting alwayskk:

I think of my kids step mom as a part of our extended family.

I have no idea how she feels about me...

 

 

 

rocknmom85
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:31 PM

I agree with miss_lisa, none of my in-laws like or respect BM very much so they usually have only negative things to say about her. Not to mention my dh, who admitedly has been through a lot with her,  has many stories that do not shed her in a good light. Even the kids will say things that make BM look bad (not always intentionally). So I just do not let anything effect my opinion of her except my own personal experience. I also make it clear to the kids that we do talk and they will not get away with trying to play us against eachother. It is so much easier when you really do get along though, because the kids will see through a facade.

Quoting miss_lisa:

 My SS is 9 now, when he was around 4 he started to try and play us off each other, but we caught on quickly and he learned FAST that he can't pull it off. Even then, when he was with us for some vacation time this summer he tried to tell me that his mom told him he has to wear his clothes two days in a row before they get washed. I looked at him and said "I'll text her right now and ask her if you want me to... but I don't think she said that, I bet she said you're supposed to wear your clothes twice before getting them washed". (He had been fighting me over getting dressed.) He sighed and admitted that he didn't have to wear the clothes 2 days in a row.

Knowing that I won't hesitate to call or text his mom if he tries to pull a fast one on me has made it so that most of the time he doesn't even try. And most of the time you'll  be able to see right through them when they try and tell you that mommy did something bad.

Quoting alwayskk:

I hope so. Right now, the kids are so young it's not much of an issue.

I am a little worried about when they get older. Kids talk, I don't want them running to me and telling me stuff that makes her sound bad when it's really just a child's POV and vice versa. I just hope I can stay level headed enough to remember that!

Quoting rocknmom85:

I think that is great, and will benefit the kids to see everyone getting along (or at least trying ;)

Quoting alwayskk:

I think of my kids step mom as a part of our extended family.

I have no idea how she feels about me...

 

 

 


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