Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Would you be ok with this?

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:14 PM
  • 130 Replies

My step daughter and my daughter are in the same grade at the same school. I work from 6pm to close every night so i am available to get both kiddoes ready for school in the morning.. drop them off at school and pick them up. I go to work after my husband gets home from work. As his wife that is how i feel our day should flow.

Instead.

I do everything for my daughter. fix lunches, get her dressed and ready in the morning drop her off at school and pick her up. My husband wakes up early, gets ready for work, and goes to his moms house. His mom fixes their breakfast. gets Madison ready for school, fixes her lunch, and brings her to school while my hubby heads to work.

While I pick Xandra up from school every day at 3pm, i have to watch his mom pick up Madison..

we have been married living in this house for 2 years. so at this point i am offended and appalled. Im hurt because i still have no relationship with my step daughter. At this point i feel like His parents are her parents and my husband is their babysitter when they need a break. Back to subject. This whole situation to me is like being slapped in the face twice a day.. school started on thursday of last week and i have been just a crying upset wreck since friday because of this..

I have tried talking to my dh about this and the response i get is that this is how its going to be so deal with it.. of course he is better with words so it sounds a lot nice..

Update.. Today he calls me on his lunch break to tell me that his mom bought Xandra a lunchbox because she noticed that Xandra doesnt have one.. How the hell did she figure that out? I should be happy, I am thankful.. But i should be happy.. I pick Xandra up from school and come home. We look at the papers she brought home and go to put the papers in her bin after we talk aobut them.  We have a bin for each child. Xandra wants to look at what is in her bin. Hers is on the bottom so i have to get all three down. Wow Madisons is heavy.. so Xandra and I look at her papers, then, i get the very bright idea to look at Madisons becuase it is so heavy.. Now I had to pull xandra out of pre-k last year because we could no longer afford daycare. It was a mess. Xandra got pulled out of daycare and pre k. Tristan the youngest just got pulled out of daycare and didnt seam to mind. so at that time i had xandra upset becuase she missed her friends and madison was going to school and dance class along with swim classes.. So after opening the bin and seeing all of the stuff that my daughter missed out on, Im a crying wreck again.. I really need to figure out if i can keep living like this or if its time to move on.. Its obvious that the people around me are trying.. She bought Xandra the lunch box just because she didnt want her to get picked on. I am just tired of always being upset..

Update. Our night time routine is starting to work. This morning all three kids were awake and playing when our alarm went off. All three had a bowl of cereal and some string cheese. Then i get Xandra dressed and Madison wants to wear her dress. So I send the dress with them so she can wear it.. Zack and Madison leave. Then its time to bring Xandra to school. Guess who is right behind me. Yup. Madison and Grandma in the car right behind me. No big deal. Then Madison is wearing a dress and a pair of shoes that i have never seen before. So im upset, although I know that its really just clothes. None of this is a big deal. Its just the details that hurt my feelings. At this point Zack says that i need to get another day job so that I'm not worried about the details. Hello, I don't have a day job because we can't afford daycare. Honestly Im ranting on cafemom about this because my friend who knows the whole story is now starting to treat Madison differently when she is around. Even with all the details you can't treat the child differently.

Update. Well it has been a while since i updated. No changes have really been made to our daily arrangement regarding the girls. But these changes have occurred.. Tristan who stays at home with me during the day now has an activity chart. if he accomplishes his activities everyday on Sunday we will walk to 7/11 and get icies. The girls have to turn in exercise hours so this is a win win for all three children and icies are 67 cents. Three is not out of our reach.. Madison still goes to grandma's in the morning and after school.. But today Grandma and Pawpaw had lunch at school with the girls and brought mcdonalds for BOTH girls.. Other than that I have been too busy with my son's activities to dwell on the arrangements.. He has to accomplish 30 minutes of each activity.. exercise, reading, art, hygiene, veggies, and chores.. with art i try to help him learn to right his name and incorporate coloring or puzzles. I haven't put out the paint or the playdoh yet but i plan to... With reading, I try to get him to read a book to me as well as reading to him.. of course the boy hates green veggies.. and the chores are really to pick up his activities after they are finished.. so I'm actually way to busy to think about it...

Update. So all three kids are sick. Today i wake up take care of my two and zack brings madison to grandmas house. guess who is at the doctors office when I get there.. Madison and Grandma.. so now i am back at square one. My Marriage is a joke!! here is our convo..

Zack: so why are you mad at me now.

Me: im over being mad at you... this is just acceptance... i do believe the first step is admitting right?i figured out my place.. its pretty black and white... .


Zack: i guess, i just want to know what i need to do. are we ever gonna move forward, is this always gonna be a problem. should we call it quits. when are you gonna figure out that not everything is about you in that i mean me letting my mom watch madison is not a knock against you as it is continuation of the routine thats works. you have no reason to be offended. its a blended family and this is one of the challenges..

Me: i dont ever see me getting over any of it.. Your masking the rediculousness of this situation by calling it a blended family.. when your mom and dad are really raising madison. its obvious that you are set in all of your ways considering all of the details.. its obvious that you wont budge and i wont ever be happy

by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MissMandaz
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:18 PM

BUMP!

KME445
by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:19 PM

Is your DD your husband's bio child?  Where does the SD go after school?  Back to the grandparents house?

Have you tried just getting both kids up at once and going about your business and not waiting for permission?  Otherwise, you really need to get to the bottom of this with him and his parents.

Just out of curiosity, where is bio-mom in all of this?

erinsmom1964
by Ruby Member on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:22 PM

 Wow I don't know how you deal with being treated like that.  You may legally be married but your obviously not part of the family.  I don't know how in the world you have put up with it this long.  Sorry no advise just a hug!

Mrs.Brugger
by Tiara on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:24 PM

Why????

kidkrazyinAK
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:25 PM

 Not only will this cause problems between you and your SD, but I would bet it will keep the girls from bonding the way sisters should. They are being treated differently and that is unfair to everyone. I would imagine it is confusing for the school as well.

-xoxo-
by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:26 PM

Does the bio mom know that her daughter is living with your dh's parents instead of your dh? 

MissLinn
by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:27 PM



Quoting Mrs.Brugger:

Why????


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lakissakay
by on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:27 PM

Oh WTF...I would be pissed too! Why would his mom be okay with that either? They obviously have issues...I'm sorry mama, you must be really hurt.

MissMandaz
by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:28 PM

 

Quoting KME445:

Is your DD your husband's bio child?  Where does the SD go after school?  Back to the grandparents house?

Have you tried just getting both kids up at once and going about your business and not waiting for permission?  Otherwise, you really need to get to the bottom of this with him and his parents.

Just out of curiosity, where is bio-mom in all of this?

 I have two children from a previous marriage and he has one child from a previous marriage. We are TRYING to make a blended family work. Both girls, Xandra and Madison go to the same school, we have requested that they are not in the same classroom. After school I have my two kids and Madison goes to her grandmas house. My husband then picks Madison up on his way home. When he gets home i jet out the door so that i am not late to work. If Madison gets sick at school its on her paperwork to call her grandmother instead of me. Her grandmother takes her to the doctor, buys her clothes, and pays for her swim and dance classes. While we cant afford this treatment for the other to. I am told to deal. My husband tells me that because my parents are shitty grandparents doesnt mean that he should have to tell his parents to stop doing what they are doing for their granddaughter.

The bio mom is mia.. she lost custody in the courty battle becuase of her behavior and lack of stability. she calls from time to time when she is definitly not sober.

o0gone0o
by Platinum Member on Aug. 22, 2011 at 5:28 PM

I'm a lil confused as well. Does SD live with you guys? Or live w/ grandparents. Does DH take SD over to grandparents house to get ready and have breakfast is that the complaint?

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)