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Letter to my husband. A little long. PLEASE READ AND GIVE THOUGHTS!!! ***UPDATE IN RED***Another update in GREEN!

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:36 AM
  • 81 Replies

I am writing this letter as a last resort. You either don't hear me when I tell you I am not happy, or you don't care.

I don't like what your relationship with our children has become. You treat Sophie as if she is an inconvenience to be managed as opposed to a child to be raised. The tone in your voice when you speak with her conveys disdain and a "why do I have to deal with you" attitude. She is 3 not 20. You need to speak to her as if she is a child. A lot of changes have been thrown her way lately and she is having to deal with that. I realize that you have to deal with these changes too, but you are the adult. Act like it.

You say that Topher prefers me. Of course he does, he is with me all day. I am the one that feeds him at night, or for that matter, during the day. I am the one that bathes him, changes him, and soothes him. I think I can count the number of times you have changed a diaper on one hand....if not, surely on just 2. Spend some quality time with him, and I am not talking about 30 minutes here and there when I need you to hold him so I can get something else done.

You don't speak to me much better than you speak to Sophie. In fact, you pretty much speak to me the same way. I am not a child. I am an adult, and not just any adult, I am your wife. I will no longer tolerate being snapped at and cussed at even in jest. Your sense of humor is so dry sometimes that I can't tell if you are being serious or joking, so just stop. I feel that my role as a wife has been relegated to cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, and fucking. The rest of the time I am to stay silent and keep myself and the children out of the way. I am done feeling like the live in servant. I won't do it anymore. I try to talk to you about how I feel, but you minimize and trivialize my feelings as if they are unwarranted and unimportant. I know you complain about how much I nap and how much I facebook, but honestly, it keeps me from having to deal with you and get upset as a result. I have been avoiding you when I don't have to be up with the children because 9 times out of 10 you upset me.

You are not just a paycheck. Don't walk in this house at the end of the day and act as if your job is done because you are home. You are a father and a husband. If you can't handle that then don't come home.

I am writing this letter as a courtesy because you have pushed me to a dangerous place. I have almost stopped caring. You have not listened when I try to talk to you. If things don't change you are going to lose your family. I AM NOT HAPPY! Please take me seriously because I don't want our children to have a broken home. If we keep heading down this road then a broken home will be better than what we can provide for them.

I left the letter taped to the bathroom mirror for him to read when he woke up this morning. I also wrote in the letter for him not to wake me up to discuss it in the morning but to just let the letter sit and digest what I had written.

I want to thank all the ladies for the advice they have given. My threats are not empty. I am perfectly able to care for myself and my children without my husband and he knows that. I WANT my husband. I do not NEED him. I did not sugar coat this letter because we are past that point with these issues. I have tried being nice about it and it has back fired.  I have reached the end of my rope with these issues. I think this letter got that point across very well.

He came home after PT with breakfast in hand and told me he does not want to lose me and he knows he has been an ass lately. He apologized for not wanting to talk to me about our issues and shuting me down every time I tried to bring it up.

We will have a more in depth conversation later tonight. 

We finally sat down and had a long talk. He did not shut me down once. I feel as though the conversation was really productive. In the past 3 months we have had a baby, made a cross country trip, and he has had knee surgery. We are also moving in two weeks. We have a lot going on and he has been extremely stressed. While I don't think that justifies his behavior lately, I can understand how he would be less than pleasant.

Long story short, he is going to work on being more pleasant and treating me and the children with respect and I am going to work on being more patient with him.

I have told him that if things don't change I will be staying in North Carolina when we go home to visit for Christmas. I don't think we will have a problem though.

Thanks for all the advice!


by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mlsc85
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:41 AM

BUMP!

AngelMama6203
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:42 AM

BUMP!

HouseofFeast
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:42 AM

The ending sounds more like threats than a warning, you need to talk to him--I guarantee that a letter will put him on the defensive.

mlsc85
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:43 AM

The letter is because talking has failed....many times.

He has flat out told me he does not want to talk about it when I have tried a few times.

Quoting HouseofFeast:

The ending sounds more like threats than a warning, you need to talk to him--I guarantee that a letter will put him on the defensive.


HouseofFeast
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:43 AM

Also, spell check is your friend. 

SlinkiesWifey
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:44 AM

Wow ... 

Sometimes it takes them seeing it on paper to really grasp the idea.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  Hope it all works out for the best!  GL to you!!

try_again_love
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:45 AM
Give the letter to him... Some men comprehend it better when they can see it (letter) than when you talk to them.

I hope he takes it seriously, good luck.
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LJC6780
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:46 AM

Wow.. I am so sorry that you are in this situation.. I am also a "writer" when it comes to putting feelings out there.. I need the time to get it all how I have it in my head and not how it wants to come out when I try to speak these things.. I personally think it's well written.. I hope that it brings him back around and not sends him out the door! :-/ Good luck to you! (and your children!)

mlsc85
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:46 AM

woops...

I have actually hand written the letter. I can not type without typos....hence the small need for spell check here, lol

There are no errors in the hand written version.

Thanks though!

Quoting HouseofFeast:

Also, spell check is your friend. 


TarotMommy
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:46 AM
I think it is very well thought out and well written. I hope all goes well and your DH opens his eyes. (((hugs)))
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