Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hurt, guilt, confusion, yep...that's me today. :(

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:58 AM
  • 45 Replies

 Forgive the length but you need to know the background to help me out...

I've been dating a man seriously for six months.  We live 5.5 hours apart.  I told him initially that distance would most likely be an issue between us because I can't leave here.  He said, there will be no issue, I can move to you if we work out.  I have 3 children and he is the first man I've dated since my divorce.  A couple weeks ago he finally met my DD's.  The meeting was wonderful.  They loved him, he interacted with them well, it was fantastic.  I was hesitatnt for him to meet them and I waited six months to be sure before I let him interact with them.

Now, he chases storms for a living.  He also has children from his first marriage that live a mile from his current location.  His children are older, so he will be traveling back and forth until they are graduated from High School.  I know this and I am ok with it.  Now, onto the job.....He makes very good money doing this.  I know that it requires him traveling.  Luckily a huge storm hit right in his current location but he will be finished up with this around Nov/Dec.  NOW....at this point, I am expecting him to come and live with us, but he is now wanting to go chase another storm up in New York that will be 12 hours away. 

I told him he has made more than enough money off this storm to wait and chase next spring/summer and take the winter off.  He says he needs to go.  I feel like this is more of a dictatorship and not a partnership.  I want to make decisions that would be best for all of us.  He doesn't think that I can handle a traveling job.  I am well aware of what I am signing up for and have told him multiple times.  Plus I am seriously hurt and feel tremendous guilt for involving my dd's now. 

I am so confused.....

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 9:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Buggy979
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:02 AM
If you new this was his job why are you telling him to take the next storm? When you do that it will always be can't you do the next one! Don't try and change him you have to accept what he foes...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
myperfect4inok
by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:02 AM

Did you discuss his moving to you after this storm?

Or is it something that you just thought was going to happen.

It's his job that he chases these storms. That is what he does. Maybe to you it's more than enough money. Maybe to him it's security that he has another storm to chase. This is not a hobby. If it  was a hobby I could understand you being upset but a job. I don't understand 

raegansmom
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:02 AM

I think that it is unfair to ask him to reduce his work load.  He is right, you knew that his job is traveling & you are asking him to reduce his pay by missing opportunity.  Even if he did, he would resent you for it later.  Maybe you can compromise & take the kids & visit on weekends or something?

Nyx7
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:02 AM

 You need to take things super slow & make sure things are best for everybody. IMO if you've only been together for 6 mo you really don't have any say over where he goes for work. It's his job, his responsibility, I'd be more concerned if he was just going to throw it all away & come stay with you. Yes distance sucks but suck it up.

beadingmom17
by Rachel on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:04 AM

 

Quoting Nyx7:

 You need to take things super slow & make sure things are best for everybody. IMO if you've only been together for 6 mo you really don't have any say over where he goes for work. It's his job, his responsibility, I'd be more concerned if he was just going to throw it all away & come stay with you. Yes distance sucks but suck it up.

 

littlebabybliss
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:05 AM


Quoting Nyx7:

 You need to take things super slow & make sure things are best for everybody. IMO if you've only been together for 6 mo you really don't have any say over where he goes for work. It's his job, his responsibility, I'd be more concerned if he was just going to throw it all away & come stay with you. Yes distance sucks but suck it up.


JordansMama2003
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:05 AM

You say you are okay with his traveling job, yet you do not want him to leave for his job. The job like he has people have to take advantage of each and every opportunity. My SIL is in the same boat with my brother. He travels to where storms hit to make insurance claims. Usually the winter is very slow so he takes every opportunity. You have to learn to roll with it.

I know it is hard though. I am not taking that away.

KAIandKYNZmommy
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:07 AM
This. Distance sucks but it will make you stronger

Quoting raegansmom:

I think that it is unfair to ask him to reduce his work load.  He is right, you knew that his job is traveling & you are asking him to reduce his pay by missing opportunity.  Even if he did, he would resent you for it later.  Maybe you can compromise & take the kids & visit on weekends or something?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
-42-
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:07 AM

You TOLD him not to do something, and he disagrees?

It happens. If it's worth it, you two will work through it.

EsmeVincent
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM

this

Quoting Nyx7:

 You need to take things super slow & make sure things are best for everybody. IMO if you've only been together for 6 mo you really don't have any say over where he goes for work. It's his job, his responsibility, I'd be more concerned if he was just going to throw it all away & come stay with you. Yes distance sucks but suck it up.


Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)