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Marriage Counseling **EDIT in red**

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:34 AM
  • 53 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Marriage Counseling

Options:

We have been, it helped

We have been, it didn't help

We have never been, but should go

We have never been, and don't need to go

Other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 83

View Results

OK.  I made an appointment for next Tuesday.  The doctor said that for the first two appointments he likes to see each person individually, so I will go first.  I haven't told hubby yet.  I figure even if he doesn't go, it will help me.

 Have you been?  Did it help?

 

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lovinglife0682
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:36 AM
It changed our marriage. Our counselor taught us how to settle disagreements, how to appreciate each other and how to not expect things that the other cannot give.
Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:37 AM

 Did it help you figure out how to deal with past issues?  We both have so much resentment built up from the past - no fidelity or abuse or anything.  And every once in awhile it just boils over.  And neither one of us know how to deal with it.

Quoting lovinglife0682:

It changed our marriage. Our counselor taught us how to settle disagreements, how to appreciate each other and how to not expect things that the other cannot give.

 

lovinglife0682
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:41 AM
It absolutely did. It gave us a safe place to bring those issues without causing huge arguments. I told him things in counseling that I never was able to say before. We worked through so many issues that I thought were unresolvable. I think the most important thing is to go in willing to put it all out there. It has been 5 years and we still use what we learned there.
momma-flynn
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:41 AM

We have never been, but we talked about going for a past issue but were able to work thru it on our own. 

chalisa0
by Kim on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:42 AM

 I have never been.  From experience with people I know who've gone-if you WANT to fix your marriage and are willing to cooperate with the counselor, it is great.  If it's just a last ditch effort, and one or more of the partners really isn't interested-it won't work.  It'll just make the one who does want to save the marriage even more frustrated.  Also, you have to find the right counselor for both partners.  My SIL had one that was obviously biased toward men and never let her add input and kept saying "how do you think that makes him feel as a man?"  If you have that kind of experience-don't give up, just try a new counselor.  I'm sure one could help.

Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:43 AM

 I am so scared to go in there an lay it all out.  He's going to think I am phsyco.  LOL  But seriously, if I could just say it and get it out there.  I just know he is going to think that I am putting all of the blame for our problems on him.  I'm scared that he won't open up, even if I do, and I will look like a total bitch.  Does that make sense?

Quoting lovinglife0682:

It absolutely did. It gave us a safe place to bring those issues without causing huge arguments. I told him things in counseling that I never was able to say before. We worked through so many issues that I thought were unresolvable. I think the most important thing is to go in willing to put it all out there. It has been 5 years and we still use what we learned there.

 

Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:47 AM

BUMP!

momma-flynn
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:48 AM

That's very understandable. I have to watch how I word things when we are discussing problems so that it doesn't come out like I'm attacking dh & putting all of the blame on him. Because if you step back & look at things from a distance, how you act towards your partner has a direct relationship to how they act towards you. Does that make sense? Last night he asked me why we were drifting apart. I figured out that I was being resentful because of a few things & so I was starting to ignore him. Well me ignoring him was making him ignore me. Ugh. At least we know why I was upset & are working thru that issue.  

Quoting Crazy-Steph:

 I am so scared to go in there an lay it all out.  He's going to think I am phsyco.  LOL  But seriously, if I could just say it and get it out there.  I just know he is going to think that I am putting all of the blame for our problems on him.  I'm scared that he won't open up, even if I do, and I will look like a total bitch.  Does that make sense?

Quoting lovinglife0682:

It absolutely did. It gave us a safe place to bring those issues without causing huge arguments. I told him things in counseling that I never was able to say before. We worked through so many issues that I thought were unresolvable. I think the most important thing is to go in willing to put it all out there. It has been 5 years and we still use what we learned there.

 

 

JordansMama2003
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:49 AM

We have been and it helped a lot! We've been much happier for 5 years now...

lovinglife0682
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:49 AM
I felt very much the same. My husband does not open up much and I thought he would just sit there. But he didn't. He wanted things to get better as much as I did. Also he saw that the counselor was fair. I would talk about my frustrations and the counselor would tell me when I was out of line. As my husband saw that we were working through things he would open up more and more. I learned things I never knew, I saw his true insecurities. I would just try it. Your husband will see that this is a safe place to be open.
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