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I'm about ready to just give up on my DH. Please, no bashing. *Small edit

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:57 PM
  • 28 Replies

Background:
July 2007-July 2008 he was deployed. When he came home our son was 9mos. DH would spend all his free time playing videogames and ignoring me and our son.
Oct 2009-March 2010 we went to marriage counseling. We got all our problems out in the open and worked through them. Our marriage was fantastic after that.
July 2010 I had our daughter.
August 2010-August 2011 he was deployed again.
DH has been home for 1 month, that's it. And I'm ready to throw in the towel. I have to beg and plead with him to change a diaper or get a glass of juice for the kids. And forget playing with the kids, he just won't do it. He comes home from work, changes clothes, sits on the couch, and he'll sit there playing around on his phone for 2-3 hours. He'll get up to eat or use the bathroom, then it's right back to his damn phone.
If I go upstairs to take a shower, I'll come back down to find him playing on the xbox and the kids are getting in to things. I can rarely get him to stay home with the kids so I can do the grocery shopping by myself. I couldn't even make it to my dentist appt last month because he refused to be alone with the kids.
After we went to marriage counseling last year, he was a great father until he had to leave for the 2nd deployment. And for 3 months before he came home, he was all "I'm going to do whatever I can when I get home to make it easier on you," and yet since he got home my life has been even more stressful than it was while he was gone.
I HAVE talked to him about this, several times. Sometimes it turns into an all-out fight, sometimes it's a calm discussion. And every time, he says he'll help me more and pay attention to the kids, but it never changes.
And please don't give me the whole "he just got home, it takes time" speech. The way he is acting is unacceptable and there is no reason for him to be cutting himself off from our family.
I have mentioned going to counseling again, and all I get is "We don't need it." Obviously we do, but he won't admit to it this time. He's going to wait til I start packing suitcases to leave, just like last time.

What do I want by posting this? Some kind words, encouragement, etc. ANY AND ALL BASHING WILL BE IGNORED.

* Even after having talked to him about these issues numerous times, I am going to do so again.  This time, I have written him a letter so I can get all my thoughts out and so hopefully he actually hears me with it all being on paper.  In it, I gave him an ultimatum...We either start dealing with our problems (both individually and collectively) and at least make a dent in them by January, or I'm taking the kids back home to MN for awhile.


by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DamiensMommy1
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:00 PM

 there was a post just like this one yday! maybe you can find it and u 2 moms can help eachother... never been in ur situation... so heres a good luck bump!

Mackenzie40
by Platinum Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:01 PM

 (((Hugs)))) I don't really know the answer , sorry.  Hang in there? Pack your bags? I just dont know. what do you want to do? Maybe a marriage time out or seperation to get some perspective ? sorry .

-42-
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:02 PM

You need to lay everything on the table. Write it down if you feel like saying it goes nowhere. You gotta get it all out to know your next move.


Mommynwife26
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:02 PM

I can't really help, I would not accept that from my dh, but he also is not miliarty and hasn't been deployed *hugs* hope you can figure it out.

xxlilmomma09
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:05 PM
I wish there was something I could say to make things easier. It does sound like counseling is needed. I wish yall had seen that marriage retreat sooner because it probably would have been a great thing for yall to attend. Deployments change some for the worse and it takes a snap back to reality to make things seem better. You can message Bailey and talk to her, as they went through some issues a while back, but are doing better now. I'm not sure who they see, but it seems to be working out great for them. I'm here if ya need to vent.
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sugareemommee
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:06 PM

:o( I'm so sorry momma I have no advice, just a hug.  ((((((hug)))))))

xxlilmomma09
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:06 PM
Ya might have better luck in the military moms group ;) Lots of experienced women in there that have been through numerous deployments.
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shortimicmama
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:07 PM
((hugs)) hope you figure it out BUMP
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hautemama83
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:07 PM
I think you need to kinda step back and think about how he feels. And I also think he needs counseling, alone.
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momof4boyz1girl
by Diamond Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:08 PM

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. Unfortunately, you'll probably get bashed by someone who has the "perfect marriage" and knows everything about marriage and is gonna try to tell you it's you and not him....*eye roll*

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