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protection order hearing~~Updated~~it went really REALLY bad! update in reply

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 2:08 PM
  • 53 Replies

I have a hearing for a permanent protection order tomorrow, and would really like to know what to expect. I have an advocate from the DV program helping me, so not completely going it alone! We're making a concise list today of what to tell the judge. It's a Very small town, small courthouse. I'm 2500 miles away from the man I filed it against, so I'm REALLY hoping he doesn't show up, but have to play it like he will. Any thoughts?  and yes a child is involved. I ran from a pathological liar, emotionally abusive, manipulative, con man, and he's said he'd never let me take our child, but I know I will get custody. He's got serious issues, very irrational and unstable now, and we think into major drugs. I can't prove that yet.

Anyway, any thoughts, what to do, not to do? how to dress? obviously not like a slob! lol I was thinking I'd wear a nice professional looking black dress and heels, but IDK if it will be too much or not. I'll try to post a pic if you want.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418984/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6148868447/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6148868397/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418914/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418886/

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 2:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DiamondDreams
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 3:53 PM

Anyone??

mommymelissa76
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 3:55 PM

Im sorry, Ive never been in that situation. But someone once told me if you are going to court, a good rule of thumb is to dress like you are going to a funeral. I dont know how true that is, but it seems reasonable.

mommymelissa76
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 3:56 PM


Quoting mommymelissa76:

Im sorry, Ive never been in that situation. But someone once told me if you are going to court, a good rule of thumb is to dress like you are going to a funeral. I dont know how true that is, but it seems reasonable.

Oh! And good luck! Im sorry you have to go through that. Sounds like a nightmare!

mrswillie
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 4:02 PM

I have had several against my ex over a period of 15 years, all were granted.

Dress, appropriately.  No sweat clothes, t-shirts, open toed shoes or shoulders showing.  If you have dress clothes wear them, if not, make sure clothes are clean, not stained or ripped.

Speak loud and clear.  no slang.  Answer , "yes sir" or Yes, your honor".  No, "yah or nah.

Tell your story, be sincere, don't be afraid to cry.  Make sure the judge knows you are scared and scared for your child.

    STRAIGHT BUT NOT NARROW


DiamondDreams
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:32 AM

I met with the DV advocate today and put together a detailed concise list of the most pertinant facts.

I'm curious, why no open toed shoes? and I'm glad to know that!

This is what I was planning on wearing, forgive my horrid cell phone, it takes awful pics!! ughhh

I can't make this stupid thing show the pictures, so here's the links. IDK what's wrong, never had it be this crazy, can't upload directly, can't add through a url.. weird and super annoying!

Whole outfit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418984/

Shoes: http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6148868447/

Closeup of dress & necklace, it's a 3 strand pearl held with crystal covered gold.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6148868397/

better pic of the shoes: http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418914/

Or I can wear these instead: http://www.flickr.com/photos/valkyrieslens/6149418886/

Haylieb
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:40 AM
Well, I had a restraining order on my ex but since I was a minor it was in my mother's name. When I went, all I did was go infront of the judge and he granted it, I didn't even talk. Although, my ex did act out while we were there. I was also in the room with about 10 other people getting orders on others.
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DiamondDreams
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:41 AM

If he doesn't show I pretty much automatically get it, but he's already signed the temporary order, this is for a permanent one, and the advocate said I will have to talk and tell the judge why I want it.. and why I want it for more than 1 year.

Momof2Stepof3
by Platinum Member on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:45 AM

Sounds like you are doing every thing right. The judge may or may not ask you questions. Prepare to be there a few hours. A lot of times they have case after case after and at times some cases go longer then others. I went once as a witness was told to be there at 9am her case finally was heard at 1245pm. 

crzy4mc
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:47 AM

The alphet you picked out is just fine.  I had to go through this about 10 years ago against my ex and it was not fun but so relieving once the whole ordeal went through.  In my case, I had to sit outside the court room until I was called in.  The judge then asked if I agree to have the PFA and I agreed and then he had a lawyer so the judge asked him if he agreed and he said yes with the condition that he would be able to attend the same school as I and not interfere with the violation.  I think it was tops 15 mins and then she sent us on our way.  I was a mess, very young and doing it on my own, no one was able to come with me for support so... you will do just fine.  I admire that you're strong about this and dont worry about how you look, you look professional and that's all that matters.  Good luck.

Goofygadget
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 1:49 AM

I think you should lose the necklace, put your hair up in a low pony and wear a jacket. Everything looks decent.


And good luck!

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