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My 17 year old is pregnant! ***Latest update*** Good news!!

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First, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to give me advice!!  Of course, with only knowing a tiny part of the big picture, not all of it is applicable, but I am reading every response and considering all opinions.

I talked to my daughter last nite.  She was very humble, not angry.  She is panicking because it seems her boyfriend/fiance is not coming back.  She is worried about finances, has admitted her fault in not keeping up with the house etc.

Did I let her off the hook?  NO!   I told her I would be over once a week to check the cleanliness of the house(as requested by the owner)....she has no more chances regarding that issue.

She gets paid next week and wants to sit down with me to figure out her budget...including what she owes us.  I want to make sure that she can afford everything where she is on her own, and stressed to her that she need s to worry about her and that baby...not the boyfriend.

I will continue assisting my daughter, not enabling her.  I am not going to bail her out, and she will start losing things if she doesn't take care of her business(ie. her car and the house)

She is terrified by the reality of all of this and shocked that she is going to be a single mother.  She wanted it to be a family...not just a baby.   Reality is sinking in.

She is still a child, my child, who thought she could make adult choices and is learning a harsh lesson without being able to change the outcome....or go back to the way it was.

I hope that she meant what she said and will work harder at everything(school, work, home, etc) but she knows that it is HER responsibility....I will give her the chance to prove herself.


****Update:   The house was spotless!!  Now to see if she follows through with the other things we discussed!!!  Keeping my fingers crossed that she just got a wake up call!

by on Oct. 22, 2011 at 10:03 AM
Replies (21-30):
Cmoore24
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 3:23 AM

I became pregnant at 17 and it was a very stressful time. I didn't have the help or the information that you give to her but she is going to need more because everything she has to go through will be tougher on her. An you never with all the stress that she might have built up on the inside, she might not share that with you. You got to think about the baby too because the stress might affect the baby, I'm not saying this like I know everything, its just the things that I have been through. My ma didn't sit down and talk to me like you have done with your daughter, she wanted me to get an abortion and my stepma wanted me to have the baby and give the baby up. I did neither of those things, I should have lost my baby but I didn't. That's just how bad it was, the stress that I went through with my whole family but in the end I helped myself and I came out on top. But getting to the point, she does have to learn to do things on her own but she also needs you to help her along the way. Reading this almost makes me cry because I didn't have the information that you give to your daughter. Just don't give up on her because she needs you alot more now because you are the only one she can count on.

oceanus407
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 4:07 AM
That's a great update
marie85
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 10:34 AM

Goodluck. You seem to be a great mother yourself , I'm sure shes learned something from you and will do just fine for herself and her baby.

denise1839
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I just wanted to tell you it is starting to sound like she knows what she needs to do . An please let her know being a single mom isnt bad. I have been a single mom sence i was 15 so i know what she is going through. Oh an now im a single mom of 3 an a grandma of a 2 week old an im only 35. Please do something for me tell her im so proud of her an she is going to be a great mom an she has a great mom beside her. An let her know everything she is going through will make her a stronger person an a strong mom. I had to learn that I can do anything on my own as a single mom I am from washington state I packed 2 suitcases each for me an my two younger daughters an got on a plane april 6,2009 an flew to las vegas not known anyone here an we started over an we are still in vegas an my family is all in washington state. So I know in my heart if I can be a strong mom I know she is going to be just fine. About the boyfriend my daughter just had a baby an doesnt know where the father is an you know thats fine remember she is only 14 she told me an it about broke my heart she said  MOM I WILL BE FINE WITH MY BABY I DONT NEED HIM HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED AN ITS HIS LOSE CAUSE I WILL JUST BE LIKE YOU MOM an i said what you mean she said YOUR MY MOM AN DAD AN I WILL BE HER MOM AN DAD LIKE YOU MOM YOU TAUGHT ME  YOU DONT HAVE TO HAVE A MAM TO BE HAPPY AS LONG AS YOU HAVE US YOU KIDS. I started crying she asked mom whats wrong I told her im happy that she listen to what i say an watched me as a mom. I hope you will share this with her even though I dont know you or her you both always have a friend god bless you both.

Smith1025
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 12:58 PM

Hi my name is Samantha and the only thing that I can tell you is that right now you are doing the right thing by helping your daughter with what you can and if she doesn't want to take advice from her own mother then she will have to stand up and become an adult especially with having a baby on the way.As far as her boyfriend goes she thought to think about what would be best not only for her but for her baby as well and if that means that she will have to leave him and move back in with you then that might be her best bet yet.I wish her the very best of luck and hope that she does the right thing for her and for her baby.If you would like any more advice please feel free to send me an e-mail at: samantha.1025@hotmail.com

ibebreezy
by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Glad to hear she's trying :)

And I still think you're a great mom!
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Audreysmommy123
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:41 PM

i was a teen mom myself.. theres help around for her.. I live in MN too.. and if there's anything you want to ask me.. please message me..

Allgood9906
by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 3:01 PM

I feel for you a friend of mine just went through a similar situation. What you do is tough love, so don't feel bad about your decisions. From what I've heard you are doing awesome. Keep it up! Just remember sometimes tough love is part of love!!!

Mamie_85
by Amy on Oct. 24, 2011 at 3:04 PM
I think you're doing exactly the right thing! Congrats on being a grandma, even if it's not the most ideal situation.
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hollinicole
by Silver Member on Oct. 24, 2011 at 4:22 PM

 glade to hear it all hit her before the baby came, she can do it just has to get her head in the right place

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