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My 17 year old is pregnant! ***Latest update*** Good news!!

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First, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to give me advice!!  Of course, with only knowing a tiny part of the big picture, not all of it is applicable, but I am reading every response and considering all opinions.

I talked to my daughter last nite.  She was very humble, not angry.  She is panicking because it seems her boyfriend/fiance is not coming back.  She is worried about finances, has admitted her fault in not keeping up with the house etc.

Did I let her off the hook?  NO!   I told her I would be over once a week to check the cleanliness of the house(as requested by the owner)....she has no more chances regarding that issue.

She gets paid next week and wants to sit down with me to figure out her budget...including what she owes us.  I want to make sure that she can afford everything where she is on her own, and stressed to her that she need s to worry about her and that baby...not the boyfriend.

I will continue assisting my daughter, not enabling her.  I am not going to bail her out, and she will start losing things if she doesn't take care of her business(ie. her car and the house)

She is terrified by the reality of all of this and shocked that she is going to be a single mother.  She wanted it to be a family...not just a baby.   Reality is sinking in.

She is still a child, my child, who thought she could make adult choices and is learning a harsh lesson without being able to change the outcome....or go back to the way it was.

I hope that she meant what she said and will work harder at everything(school, work, home, etc) but she knows that it is HER responsibility....I will give her the chance to prove herself.


****Update:   The house was spotless!!  Now to see if she follows through with the other things we discussed!!!  Keeping my fingers crossed that she just got a wake up call!

by on Oct. 22, 2011 at 10:03 AM
Replies (31-40):
ArmyWifey0412
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 12:19 AM
As a teen mom myself, I had my son 5 days after my 17th birthday, this may NOT necessarily be a bad situation... For myself, my DH and I weren't always as tight as we are now, and that does come from being teen parents... Not saying I think they should work it out, cuz I absolutely agree with the fact that she needs to stay focused on the baby AND herself... Having my son so early actually did me a world of good... Obviously no parent wants to hear that their child is gonna have a child before she can even vote, but take it as a blessing... I was born into an orthodox Jewish family (and needless to say that is NOT the path I chose for myself) but having my son so early actually saved me from what I was putting myself through and taught me a lot about myself and what kind of a parent I wanted to be... Although it WAS difficult and I didn't know half the stuff I know now, the only thing I would probably change is how hard I chased after my DH... And then again if I hadn't, we probably wouldn't have our beautiful daughter... My mother was MUCH older in life when she had me and my siblings, so there were a LOT of things she was unable to do with/for us... So even though it may feel like the end of the world to the 2 of you, just remember the positives... My son loved nothing more than to be the only kid whose mom was right up there in the jungle gym climbing in with him! ;-)


Quoting northernmommy:

 happy to hear she is trying. probably a good thing the boyfriend doesn't look like he's coming back. if you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me, i'm also in northern MN and i was a single teen (18) mom once apon a time.


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Mrs.Brugger
by Tiara on Oct. 25, 2011 at 12:20 AM

woo hoo!!

ayla91
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 2:37 AM

I read your first posts and have followed up with this one. This is my first comment. I am 20 years old and became a mother at 17. I understand your concerns as well as her troubles. I moved out of my parents house and into my boyfriends before graduating HS and got pregnant. I worked my ass off to graduate early (going full days) and now I am in college raising a toddler. I dont know where I would be if my mother had not been there to help me. You may feel like you are being harsh or strict when you tell your daughter how things need to be but in all honesty it is the best thing that you could do for her. I am still with my daughters father so I cannot say anything in that regard because he is great to me and our child. As a mom of a teen mom; dont let her get away with anything and remember that even though she thinks she is an adult, shes not. You have to allow her to learn her lessons but you have to make sure that she is doing it safely and maturely. My mother is godsent and I am ever so grateful that my mom kicked my ass and made me do things the way they were supposed to be done when i told her i was pregnant. Keep your head up Mama and dont be afraid to crack the whip still!

toddler girl

ayla91
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 2:41 AM


Quoting ArmyWifey0412:

As a teen mom myself, I had my son 5 days after my 17th birthday, this may NOT necessarily be a bad situation... For myself, my DH and I weren't always as tight as we are now, and that does come from being teen parents... Not saying I think they should work it out, cuz I absolutely agree with the fact that she needs to stay focused on the baby AND herself... Having my son so early actually did me a world of good... Obviously no parent wants to hear that their child is gonna have a child before she can even vote, but take it as a blessing... I was born into an orthodox Jewish family (and needless to say that is NOT the path I chose for myself) but having my son so early actually saved me from what I was putting myself through and taught me a lot about myself and what kind of a parent I wanted to be... Although it WAS difficult and I didn't know half the stuff I know now, the only thing I would probably change is how hard I chased after my DH... And then again if I hadn't, we probably wouldn't have our beautiful daughter... My mother was MUCH older in life when she had me and my siblings, so there were a LOT of things she was unable to do with/for us... So even though it may feel like the end of the world to the 2 of you, just remember the positives... My son loved nothing more than to be the only kid whose mom was right up there in the jungle gym climbing in with him! ;-)


Quoting northernmommy:

 happy to hear she is trying. probably a good thing the boyfriend doesn't look like he's coming back. if you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me, i'm also in northern MN and i was a single teen (18) mom once apon a time.



I love that you mentioned the jungle gym because my daughter loves that mommy crawls around in the mcdonalds play place with her! hahaha! :D

aanddplus2
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 2:42 AM

 

Quoting jesusismyfriend:

You are doing the right thing, helping her to be on her own and not mooch.

 

Naegore
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 3:10 AM
That is good news!!
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chosen_of_god
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 12:34 PM
Good job mom :)
WishfulMama
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 3:02 PM

It sounds like you are handling it well.  I just found out my fourteen year old ds got his seventeen year old girlfriend pregnant.  I have been a crying, nervous wreck.  We have a long road ahead.  Does it get easier.  Will my heartache ever go away?

JenieceMojica
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 3:04 PM

woohoo! a step in the right direction mama!

orchid404
by on Oct. 25, 2011 at 4:25 PM

See, you're doing an awesome job.  It's been a horrible run of events, but in the end the two of you are strong and able to bring this baby into this world loved and healthy.  Keep it up!!!!

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